Adoption
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back again for more advice...
I am so sorry, this is really too bad, and hopefully isn't a good representation of how an open adoption should go. It sounds like maybe she is having a hard time with the baby getting older and she hasnt figured out how she is going to get through the next phase of her growth yet. Is it possible to talk to someone that helped with the process?? I am doing foster/adoption with a BM I know personally, so I am not sure how private adoptions work in this case.
It sounds to me as if she is just nervous or uneasy, but may be able to be talked to and reasoned with. Good luck, I know it's not a fun situation.
It sounds to me as if she is just nervous or uneasy, but may be able to be talked to and reasoned with. Good luck, I know it's not a fun situation.
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Re: back again for more advice...
You are probably freaking out the adoptive parents and I do not blame them for wanting to establish some boundaries. Here is why I say this:
- you say "so i confronted the a-mom about this. she was suprised that i even found out." How did you find out? Are you spending time tracking them down? That would freak me out. Especially since you found out about them being in town over your birthday.
- "i am even regretting placing my daughter with them." I am sure the parents sense this when you have spoken with them. Are you having regrets about putting her up for adoption at all? or just with this family?
"I never cronfronted the adoptive mom about being in town on my bday and not even saying any thing to me." You seem to think she owes this to you, but honestly, she does not. Give her a break. Their family's life cannot revolve around your needs.
I would think that your main concern would be that the child you gave up for adoption is well cared for - however you seem to be absorbed in your own hurt and inability to accept a limited role in her life. I am sorry you are in such pain, truly I am, but I agree that you should seek counseling to deal with this. Yes, your feelings are your feelings. However, I think you need to re-think your expectations, not just for the parents, but for your own happiness. Perhaps it's just a case of different expectations on each party's part. But either way, these are complex emotions, and you need the guidance of a professional, not just sympathy from a message board.
You cannot expect the parents to not move without consulting you - I'm sure they made the decision based on what is best for their family, especially with your biological child in mind, and for that you should be grateful. to be perfectly honest, I don't think it's a good idea for you to see the child if you are having such a difficult time coping with having placed her for adoption. I think if you try to deal with some of your own issues surrounding it through counseling, and are in a better frame of mind, then may be a better time.