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baby shower?
My best friend and her husband have just started the adoption process. They want an infant, but are open to race so the agency thinks it will happen quickly for them. Should they have a baby shower before the baby comes or do you think they should buy some things they need and then we'll have a shower for them after they have the baby in their home. What do you think?
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Re: baby shower?
Personally, for a domestic adoption, I would wait until the child is home. You'll see a couple of threads on the board regarding the birth mother's change of heart. If I were the A mom, I wouldn't want to come home to a room full of things gifted to me for the child I would never hold.
However, the decision is up to your friend, and I advise asking her which she would prefer.
I would ask them what they want to do. Personally, I didn't want to fix up a nursery or have a shower before we got our DS.
We got the call and went to the store on the way out of town to buy a pack-n-play, car seat, diapers, onesies, pacifiers, socks, wash cloths, laundery detergent, and a few other things. Babies don't need much to start with. We didn't buy any bottles or formula because the hospital gave us a lot of ready to use bottles of formula.
We got back with our DS and went and registered and had 4 showers. We waited until he was about 6 weeks old so he could go to the showers with us. It was a great way to introduce him to everyone.
Whatever you decide, I think you're a great friend for thinking of them.
As for the shower itself, I agree, talk to your friend. Let her know that this is a desire that you have to bless her and her DH and DC and see which she's more comfortable with. If in doubt I would recommend giving her a personal special gift in advance that is just your gift to her and then planning the party later so that you are part of the whole process. HTH
That was just me. I bought some stuff for us (big items) as we went, but I just couldn't handle having too much stuff for a baby that might not come, or could take forever.
I really agree with everyone, and like Ranita said, thank you for being so kind. I've been so touched by the offers of showers--reminding me that I still get to enjoy that part of motherhood. We're excited for those showers . . . after the baby is ours in every way.
Perhaps you could put together a little basket of the essentials? Diapers, wipes, etc. That would be sweet, and not tied to a specific baby.
Katie
That is really sweet that you are thinking of doing that for your friend. Having not had any showers, I can't tell you what worked for us. But I have had friends that have had both.
I agree with the poster that suggested asking what your friend is most comfortable with. I know some friends who did a stock the nursery shower - they picked a theme for the nursery and some friends threw a shower to help decorate and stock it. Others had showers thrown for them after they brought the baby home, and they knew the age, sex and size of the child. Your friend may be more comfortable doing it one way or the other.
That is really sweet of you, you are an excellent friend to think about that!
I?m a little late to this party, but ditto everyone else. Thanks for being such a great friend. Even your asking for opinions here is a sign of how committed you are to taking your friend?s feelings to heart. Your friend is very lucky to have you in her life, and will surly appreciate all your efforts and love.