BM is telling people she is our surrogate

wille2b · April 2010

she has been telling me for a few months that she is telling people at church she is a surrogate. now today she is telling me that when we are at the doc today to tell her first baby's daddy she is the surrogate for us too! she doesnt want anyone to know she slept with another guy!

TakYelgif · April 2010

WTH?!?! Indifferent

You set her straight right? You are telling people that she is lying right?

Mouseygail · April 2010

wait..so she isn't a surrogate? is just lying about it? weird!!!

ladychicago · April 2010

um what?! are people taking her seriously?

ETA: I was totally confused and didn't realize BM = birthmom... I still think it is odd, but given the circumstances, I can see why she might be saying that to cope with everything.

howleyshell · April 2010

IMO it's an amazing gift she's giving you and how ever she needs to frame it to make it fit well in her life - more power to her.

And... this is awful and selfish on my part but if she's telling this to people it will be almost impossible for her to go back on her agreement to give the child to you - too many questions to answer to too many people who are important in her life.

On a selfish note I'd be secretly thrilled she's taken this route.

krissyh21 · April 2010

... April fools... I hope

TakYelgif · April 2010

howleyshell:

IMO it's an amazing gift she's giving you and how ever she needs to frame it to make it fit well in her life - more power to her.

And... this is awful and selfish on my part but if she's telling this to people it will be almost impossible for her to go back on her agreement to give the child to you - too many questions to answer to too many people who are important in her life.

On a selfish note I'd be secretly thrilled she's taken this route.

I tend to agree but at the same time I can't help but feel like this is a huge lie on the Birth Mothers part, and will only serve confuse people later on.

dundasgirl · April 2010

Hmmm, she sounds a little kookie. Indifferent

Mouseygail · April 2010

I'm so confused...is she really your surrogate? If so, then what is the problem? I read it at first that she was lying about it.... me = confused...

beebe929 · April 2010

BM= Birth Mother

howleyshell · April 2010

TakYelgif:
howleyshell:

IMO it's an amazing gift she's giving you and how ever she needs to frame it to make it fit well in her life - more power to her.
And... this is awful and selfish on my part but if she's telling this to people it will be almost impossible for her to go back on her agreement to give the child to you - too many questions to answer to too many people who are important in her life.
On a selfish note I'd be secretly thrilled she's taken this route.
I tend to agree but at the same time I can't help but feel like this is a huge lie on the Birth Mothers part, and will only serve confuse people later on.

How would people be confused? She gives birth and gives them the baby either way. The specifics are really none of their business.

Yes- it is a HUGE lie but if she wants to save face and is ashamed of an unplanned pregnancy then I totally understand her motivations. I'm sure her church friends think she's a saint for doing something so giving and kind as carrying a non-biological child for another couple. If she fesses up that she's pregnant out of wed lock and giving the baby up for adoption she's likely to get more than a little bit of judgement and perhaps even pressure to keep the child to raise it him herself.

wille2b · April 2010

Its no april fools... And she isn't actually a surrogate. She got pg and thought it was a hge mistake and is giving him to us. She is saving face and I will not outright lie for her but whatever she needs to tell people I guess is her thing.. And yes the selfish part of me is happy b/c as Howley stated she can't really go back on it(and she isn't even thinking about keeping him).. I don't know what to think! Except its almost over so woohoo!

Mouseygail · April 2010

wille2b:
Its no april fools... And she isn't actually a surrogate. She got pg and thought it was a hge mistake and is giving him to us. She is saving face and I will not outright lie for her but whatever she needs to tell people I guess is her thing.. And yes the selfish part of me is happy b/c as Howley stated she can't really go back on it(and she isn't even thinking about keeping him).. I don't know what to think! Except its almost over so woohoo!

Gotcha... sorry I was so confused!!

hmm...weird situation, but I like your silver lining!! YAY BABY!!!

perry7285 · April 2010

i can definitely understand being weirded out by this, i'm big on honesty . . . but at the end of the day, i totally agree with howleyshell that it's understandable for her to feel a lot of pressure and stress right now and not want to face the judgments that might come with being honest.

regardless of what she says and what other people end up thinking, congratulations on the fact that you're going to be a mom very soon!!!

jds0521 · April 2010

Woowza. I'd be p!ssed & tell her to tell everyone the truth! Why should you have to lie for her?!

LCB34 · April 2010

dundasgirl:

Hmmm, she sounds a little kookie.

I agree - especially when thinking back to other things that have been posted in reference to your BM before.

wille2b · April 2010

LCB34:
dundasgirl:

Hmmm, she sounds a little kookie.

I agree - especially when thinking back to other things that have been posted in reference to your BM before.

Agreed.. She is a little weird something that's for sure

Mrs.Greenie · April 2010

howleyshell:

IMO it's an amazing gift she's giving you and how ever she needs to frame it to make it fit well in her life - more power to her.

And... this is awful and selfish on my part but if she's telling this to people it will be almost impossible for her to go back on her agreement to give the child to you - too many questions to answer to too many people who are important in her life.

On a selfish note I'd be secretly thrilled she's taken this route.

This was my first thought. However what I don't like is that it puts you in a weird spot. You don't want to lie for her, but if thats is her story, I would feel uncomfortable not knowing who knows what story. You know? So then if someone thinks its a surrogate situation and its really adoption and you say something about adopting, and they give you the "WTH are you talking about look" i would feel weird.

It makes me sad that she can't just tell the truth. This may be harder than she expects and she might need support after the fact with coping. Which it seems would be more difficult when trying to hide the truth.

In the grand scheme of things I suppose its just a small detail. But still... weird! Congrats on the adoption though. So exciting!

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