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1st Trimester
eandm0826
member
Open Letters
eandm0826
member
Pregnant women need to vent...
Dear Neighbor:
You are not a teenager. You are a father of two small children. It is not necessary to play your heavy metal music loud outside so everyone can hear. Your child is screaming in his sand box probably because he can't get your attention over the loud music. Grow up.
From: Your neighbor who has been trying to take a nap all day
Dear Classmate in tonight's class:
There is such a thing as a stupid question. You ask a lot of them every week. Please do us all a favor and shut up tonight.
From: Your classmate who cringes every time you open your mouth
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Open Letters
Dear coworker,
You are not a farm animal. Please learn to chew with you mouth closed. Also, it makes me uncomfortable to hear you fight with your husband and kids over the phone on a daily basis. These cubicles are not sound proof. Please take your calls out of the office.
Thank you,
Your annoyed coworker
Dear Husband,
What the hell is your problem? You do not have a maid. Not only did you leave all of your shiit on the floor in the bathroom after your shower last night, but you also trimmed your hair this morning and left your clippings on the floor. Who does that? I can assure you that all of this will be waiting on you when you get home tonight.
Love,
Your irritated wife
Dear Bosses,
It has come to my attention that you will be shiit out of luck next week when I am on vacation because the two of you combined have the knowledge of a gnat. Sucks to be you.
Have a Happy Easter!
Your over-worked and under-paid peon
Dear Boss:
I am sick and tired of waiting for you to mosy on over to my office to sign checks. Clients are waiting for their weekly checks, and if you can't find the time to sign them, they will go elsewhere. I'm sick of reminding you 6 times a day that this needs to be done. Thank God I can /s/ on Hearing Requests instead of waiting for you to sign them - otherwise, the sh*t would hit the fan.
Also, since you are permanently either in Florida and Vermont, you may want to consider retiring - it would make our lives easier. And have someone else take over signing checks.
Lastly, I eat my lunch while I read the news, check email, etc. I don't leave because where would I go since I live 45 minutes away? If you interrupt my lunch to speak firm matters, you're going to have to deal with me eating while you talk to me. Don't call me rude for not putting down my lunch when I'm on MY LUNCH. YOU are the rude person that interrupts me...on MY time. And don't you dare say (again) that if I were one of your daughters, you would spank me. Say it again, and I'll file a harrassment suit against you.
Thank you,
A pissed off employee
Dear Co Worker:
Just because you've seen Sex in the City doesn't mean you are an expert on exercise while pregnant. Yes, Charlotte ran through her pregnancy, but a) that was a movie and she wasn't actually pregnant and b) that doesn't change that I'm tired/crabby/know my own body. So don't tell me "just get started and push through" when I say that exercising is harder now that I'm pregnant. Especially don't say "you should keep exercising so you can keep the weight off until the baby comes." Do you even comprehend what it means to pregnant?!
Oh, and while you are at it, why don't you find someone actually willing to impregnate you, get knocked up, and fully comprehend what it feels like to be growing another human inside you before you start criticizing me and my exercise habits and acting like a pregnancy expert.
And, while we are on the topic, just because you've managed to lose a few pounds over the last few months doesn't make you an exercise or food expert, either. In case you forgot, I lost bout 85-90 pounds 1.5 years ago and have kept it off...come talk to me when you can compare.
So, in short, STFU.
~Me
Sorry girls...but this co-worker has been up my a$$ since day one I'm SO close to punching her in the face it isn't even funny.
pinterest
Yo, Time,
Why must you go so slow on a Thursday afternoon, yet so fast on a Saturday. You suck. Hurry up. I am ready to go home.
- The Clockwatcher
Dear Diet Coke,
I miss you. I think about you often.
Love,
Milli the Addict
Dear Husband-
If I say I am too tired tonight, just ignore me and do it anyway. Trust me I want you, I am just so flippin tired by the time I get to bed.
-Your sleepy and undersexed wife
BFP 3/17/10 Missed M/C Confirmed 4/12/10
MIF+Unexplained DX Feb 2012: Femara+Trigger+IUI=BFP
Dear MIL,
You suck and I hate you. Seriously, we should just put you to sleep.
-Your DIL
Dear Bed,
I miss you. Hold me.
-Mrs.J
Awesome. Except I would direct that to my SIL instead.
To answer your question, my DH. Only he leaves the clipping all over the sink.
Good one!!
Dear bipolar yet unmedicated boss,
I have wanted to tell you for 3 effin years that you suck. Everyone thinks it, but nobody says it. I have officially started the countdown. In 35 weeks and 3 days, I will tell you to your face that there is a reason why your bf wont marry you. Hes smart.
You take everything from your personal life out on me, and Im so effin tired of it.
I cannot wait for this kid to come out so that I can tell you TO YOUR FACE that I fvcking quit. For the time being, Im using you for the Insurance you pay for. I deserve it after the 3 years of hell youve put me through.
Thank you,
The girl that actually got a man to love her, marry her and get her KU,
CHW
Cooper+Evie=Soulmates
*jealous*
Dear Maternity Retailers,
I hate you! I can't find an effing thing that fits over my enormous boobs and my bloated belly. There is nothing more disappointing than discovering at 11 weeks pregnant that nothing that you sell will fit me. I've been to 5 different stores and found nothing! Thank you for bringing my self esteem to a lower low.
-Large & In Charge-
SPANK?!!? Seriously? If your boss ever says that again, I would look him straight in the eye, and with icy calm say "You must recognize the sexually-aggressive and highly inappropriate undertone of saying you would 'spank me.' I trust you spoke in error, and that next time you interrupt my lunch break, you will choose your words more carefully." Then flash a big warm smile.
--also totally floored by the Monkie-Spanking boss.
Dear Partners,
You cut all our salaries two weeks ago. Do not expect me to give up my weekends to help you prep for trial because you procrastinated once again. My weekends are when I get to rest, since I work my tail off here for you, at a pay cut, and if it weren't for the fact that you did this AFTER I tell you I'm pregnant, i would have gone and looked for another job, but at this point, I'm just using you for the insurance until LO shows up.
Signed,
Associate Attorney Who Does All the Work
Dear Peanut:
Please stop making me eat Cheetos all the time.
Your Mom's ass
OMG Mrs.Johns, I just busted out laughing so hard at this. So blunt, I love it
Here's mine ~
Dear McDonalds,
Why is there crack in your fries? And what is it about driving past you that makes me whip an illegal U-Turn just to wait 20 minutes in the drive-through line at noon when I was never hungry in the first place? At least I got it out of my system. For now. Thanks a lot.
~ Foolish Pregnant McDonalds Fry Lover
Dear Grandma and Auntie
While I love you both dearly, I am really tired of hearing your unsolicited, antiquated and irrelevant views on my pregnancy. For the record, yes I can take a bath. My Dr said it was ok. No offense but it has been 50+ years since either of you have been pregnant.
So in closing I would like to say please stop giving me advice.
Sincerely,
Cranky
Dear Amazing Weather in April,
You rock! I enjoy having a tan from spending the day on the playground with DS. Lets keep this up, because I like warm weather better than the sub-zero temps we usually "enjoy" until May.
Yours Truly,
A Very Happy Mommy
Love this!!!!!! And I so needed it after the night I had at work.
Dear Co Worker,
You are not the boss of me. I don't care how many times you bring work over to my desk (so you will have less to do), I won't do it. It will sit there and rot before I do your job. FYI: If you look, it is still sitting where you left it and I am at home chillin on my sofa. I am so thankful this was my last night working on 2nd shift with you. 3rd shift here I come.
Sincerely
Not a friend of yours
Dear ME,
Sit down somewhere. You can't do everything and be everything to everybody. Take care of yourself and Baby J. Get rest, stop stressing, and know that NOTHING is more important than this baby. Your job will be there when you get back. Accept the fact that you have to take a very early leave of absence for the safety of the baby and quit beating yourself up over it. GOD will work it all out.
Sincerely
You Know Who
had to dig for this cause I needed it today:
Dear coworker/cubie neighbor:
You miss too much work to be on the phone when the boss isn't at her desk and to be yapping and yapping with a coworker (loudly) while the boss is working from home. Even tho you never get in trouble and can never do no wrong with the boss and go by a different set of 'rules'. It annoys the sh*t out of me.
Some of us who are here daily have work to do. And even if I'm avoiding work sometimes at least I'm online QUIETLY not disturbing other people.
signed,
Annoyed cubicle worker
P.S. You are probably sick all the time b/c of all of the diet cokes you drink and lack of water and lean cuisine's you eat. FYI - that stuff is full of preservatives and crap.
It's a GIRL!