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Rosh Hashanah was tough (long)

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I couldn't sit through services yesterday.  Because I wasn't really feeling great about going in the first place, we didn't rush to get there early, as I normally would.  We got there just before the Rabbi's sermon.  I don't think he had said more than 10 words when the tears started running down my face.  His sermon opened with figuring out what you were put on this earth to do and then evolved into what you can do to be an angel on earth and how that will help you achieve your goals.

I tried.  I really tried.  I tried to blank him out and think about something else, but, I kept hearing his words ringing through my head.  And, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. 

Of course, it didn't help that some chick behind me leaned over to her husband and in a stage whisper said "she's crying.  That girl is crying.  I wonder what she's crying about?"

As soon as the sermon was over, I left.  I just couldn't stay there and pretend like I was OK, like I'm not mad at G-d. 

Then I felt really bad about not being able to say the prayers that mean so much to me.  So, we went back today, but, instead, got there after the sermon and I mostly did OK.  I did tear up a couple of times, but, I was able to control it and got through.

For all that we've been through, honestly, this felt like the first time I truly snapped.  I just felt so broken.

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Re: Rosh Hashanah was tough (long)

  • CJB8CJB8
    I'm so sorry that it was difficult for you.  I wish so badly that it didn't have to be this way.
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  • cjsbdlcjsbdl member

    I'm so sorry. This post makes me very sad because I could've written it and I know exactly what you're going through.  I'm actually  NOT mad at God, but I have a very difficult time with church these days. It is no longer a place of comfort and security to me, the way it always has been in my life. I miss that.

    It got to the point where I was crying my way through every service, so we've stopped going. Just for a while. I hope to go back soon, but I'm just not ready yet.

    I'm sorry that you feel this way.  It's a terrible thing to struggle with faith.

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  • sushismomsushismom
    Well you have to be proud of yourself for going to services. Some people (myself included) didn't even go this year, but that was just for financial reasons. So what, you cried, people need to get over it. I commend you for still going for what can be a loooooooong day of sitting! L'Shana Tova.
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  • KnockMeUpKnockMeUp
    I'm so sorry :( (((Hugs))) It seems like our pastor always has something in his sermon about being a parent or about children in general and it always stings. Take care of yourself tonight.
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  • schmoodleschmoodle member
    I'm so sorry sweetie.
    *** It's funny because I'm fat ***
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  • thewormstheworms member
    I'm so sorry.  (((HUGS)))
    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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  • debdebtxdebdebtx
    (((Hugs)))  We went to Friday night service and I started to cry.  I was ok during RH service, but probably because DH was cracking jokes. 

    Happy New Year.  I am praying that it is a sucessful year for all of us.
    Years of trying and treatment, IVF#1 brought us our darling C!
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  • Jaclyn278Jaclyn278
    I'm sorry to hear you having to go through that service. We do not attend services during the holiday (you are a good Jew!) but it was hard to go to family dinner this year---I wasn't into it 100%...I say to myself maybe this is a start to a new beginning! New Year!

    Happy New Year and here's to good things for all of us!
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  • BRSaugust20BRSaugust20 member

    Be thankful you came late.  The Torah portion was the killer for me (the same one it is every year but I never connected it to us in the past)- all about infertility!

    Happy and sweet New Year to us all!

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