I have a hypothetical question...flammable i'm sure. — The Bump
1st Trimester

I have a hypothetical question...flammable i'm sure.

Would you feel sorry for this person?

I have an acquaintance (by no means a friend) who does not take care of her first child properly. She goes out and parties all night with her DH leaving the baby at home with grandparents or whoever. She neglected to do a needed surgery for her child because she wouldn't bother to go get medi-cal for the child. She set her child on a countertop, the child fell off and got a concussion but she took him to daycare anyway because she had plans to go shopping. She did not go to the hospital when the child ended up there because of the concussion and vomiting, bloody noses etc. 

Child welfare services has been called numerous times but she and her DH deny anything and tell a different story when they're investigated. 

She does not believe in birth control yet she and her DH "swing' and have multiple partners. 

She was pregnant. She made it clear she was upset that she was pregnant and did not want the baby but figured she'd have it because she could get more money from the state and she doesnt' believe in abortion.She is an extreme attention whore and super selfish. Nothing is about her child or her husband.

She miscarried. 

You're telling me that not one single part of you would think that it was odd that she was acting like the world ended because she had a m/c when she outright said she did not want the child?

Maybe this is different than the other situation but I don't see how someone can get on their high horse and act like they would NEVER understand being confused over emotions of a loss that was unwanted. 

Flame away.

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Re: I have a hypothetical question...flammable i'm sure.

  • I think that....

    I don't honestly know what I think here... Tongue Tied


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  • I think it's understandable to be both relieved and sad at the same time. If you're in that situation, you have the relief of not having the baby. But, at the same time, you had a baby in you and it passed away. 

     

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  • image piecesofflare:

    1. That child should be removed.

    2. I don't know how she felt about her miscarrying.  But this situation is way out there and obviously meant to be provocative.  That's fine, but I don't have the energy for this one at this point tonight.

    The ONLY thing hypothetical about this was asking if people would still thinkg that there's no excuse to be confused over the emotion. The rest of this is true and an actual situation.

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  • No, I understand the confusion. What I think people have to be careful with is who they discuss this with.
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  • Occasionally, we do not know what we want until it was taken away. Is she the type who only wants what she can't have?

    Or there might have been a maternal streak brought on by the hormones.

    Or she might have cared more then she let on.

    image

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  • This seems like an extreme circumstance where I might think that.  I try very hard not to judge, but that doesn't mean I never do.
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  • Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If that puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

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  • image piecesofflare:

    image Dreamsicle23:
    This seems like an extreme circumstance where I might think that.  I try very hard not to judge, but that doesn't mean I never do.

    Very well said.

    So, playing devil's advocate then..if the poster below had gone into more extreme details and it was similar to this then she would've gotten a different response from people? 

    Most people stated it's NEVER ok to judge in that post which I think is ridiculous. People judge, it's human nature. Maybe that poster shouldn't have posted about it online but for people to act like they'd never judge is frustrating to me and it happens on here alll the time.

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  • Hmm 

    How provocative~


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  • image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

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  • image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    ::snort::

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    "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin
  • image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is it like to struggle with reading comprehension?

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  • Even if she was the worst human being on the planet, she still just lost a child.  Have you had a m/c?  Unless you have, you cannot begin to understand the devastation that it causes.  Even if that baby was unwanted, it is still a loss. 

    Look at women who choose to abort their unwanted babies.  If you speak to some of these women, they still feel a huge sense of loss.  I had a friend who had an abortion when she was 19.  It was the right decision for her at the time, but 10 years later, it is still a decision that she struggles with.  Does she not have the right to grieve for the baby that she doesn't have, even if it was by choice?

    This particular person might just be seeking attention.  Having gone through multiple m/c, however, I would give the person the benefit of the doubt.  She might not change her behavior in the slightest, but a m/c can still affect even the most selfish person.

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  • image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is like to struggle with reading comprehension?

    I wouldn't know. 

    Clearly you're a better person than I for being able to be friends with someone like I described. I find it funny that people can get on their high horse and judge others and pretend like they'd never to the same. 

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  • would I feel bad for this woman? No.  I would be relieved that another child is not being born into such a terrible situation.  Her current child should be removed.  She sounds like an unfit mother.
  • So in the title of this thread when you said "flammable I'm sure" I take it you were looking for that?

    It sure looks like it from the responses you've made against others so far, e.g. the response to Milliways...

     

    This is my siggy. Love it.

  • image Lissa832:

    Even if she was the worst human being on the planet, she still just lost a child.  Have you had a m/c?  Unless you have, you cannot begin to understand the devastation that it causes.  Even if that baby was unwanted, it is still a loss. 

    Look at women who choose to abort their unwanted babies.  If you speak to some of these women, they still feel a huge sense of loss.  I had a friend who had an abortion when she was 19.  It was the right decision for her at the time, but 10 years later, it is still a decision that she struggles with.  Does she not have the right to grieve for the baby that she doesn't have, even if it was by choice?

    This particular person might just be seeking attention.  Having gone through multiple m/c, however, I would give the person the benefit of the doubt.  She might not change her behavior in the slightest, but a m/c can still affect even the most selfish person.

    I'm NOT saying this person can grieve their loss..that's not the question here. The question is whether or not people would be confuse by her actions and/or emotions in that situation.

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  • image Lissa832:

    Even if she was the worst human being on the planet, she still just lost a child.  Have you had a m/c?  Unless you have, you cannot begin to understand the devastation that it causes.  Even if that baby was unwanted, it is still a loss. 

    Look at women who choose to abort their unwanted babies.  If you speak to some of these women, they still feel a huge sense of loss.  I had a friend who had an abortion when she was 19.  It was the right decision for her at the time, but 10 years later, it is still a decision that she struggles with.  Does she not have the right to grieve for the baby that she doesn't have, even if it was by choice?

    This particular person might just be seeking attention.  Having gone through multiple m/c, however, I would give the person the benefit of the doubt.  She might not change her behavior in the slightest, but a m/c can still affect even the most selfish person.

     

    This. Beautifully stated.

    This is my siggy. Love it.

  • image princess101:
    image piecesofflare:

    image Dreamsicle23:
    This seems like an extreme circumstance where I might think that.  I try very hard not to judge, but that doesn't mean I never do.

    Very well said.

    So, playing devil's advocate then..if the poster below had gone into more extreme details and it was similar to this then she would've gotten a different response from people? 

    Most people stated it's NEVER ok to judge in that post which I think is ridiculous. People judge, it's human nature. Maybe that poster shouldn't have posted about it online but for people to act like they'd never judge is frustrating to me and it happens on here alll the time.

    I was not one of those people. 

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  • image SunflowerMae:
    would I feel bad for this woman? No.  I would be relieved that another child is not being born into such a terrible situation.  Her current child should be removed.  She sounds like an unfit mother.

    I appreciate your honesty. 

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  • image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is like to struggle with reading comprehension?

    I wouldn't know. 

    Clearly you're a better person than I for being able to be friends with someone like I described. I find it funny that people can get on their high horse and judge others and pretend like they'd never to the same. 

    Clearly.

    Your points would be vaild if you were not putting fuvking words in my mouth.

    I never said I would be able to be friends with her I said if. These are 2 different concepts.  As the other post which inspired this on dealt with a friend, I was making the same relationship.

    Again, I also never said I NEVER judge people. I said, MY GOAL, is to treat people the way I would want to be treated.

    For example, if I was acting like a complete twatwaffle like you are right now, I would want someone to tell me to STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    So, STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

     

     

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  • image princess101:
    image Lissa832:

    Even if she was the worst human being on the planet, she still just lost a child.  Have you had a m/c?  Unless you have, you cannot begin to understand the devastation that it causes.  Even if that baby was unwanted, it is still a loss. 

    Look at women who choose to abort their unwanted babies.  If you speak to some of these women, they still feel a huge sense of loss.  I had a friend who had an abortion when she was 19.  It was the right decision for her at the time, but 10 years later, it is still a decision that she struggles with.  Does she not have the right to grieve for the baby that she doesn't have, even if it was by choice?

    This particular person might just be seeking attention.  Having gone through multiple m/c, however, I would give the person the benefit of the doubt.  She might not change her behavior in the slightest, but a m/c can still affect even the most selfish person.

    I'm NOT saying this person can grieve their loss..that's not the question here. The question is whether or not people would be confuse by her actions and/or emotions in that situation.

    You question was would we feel sorry for her. That is different that would we be confused by her actions.

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  • image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is like to struggle with reading comprehension?

    I wouldn't know. 

    Clearly you're a better person than I for being able to be friends with someone like I described. I find it funny that people can get on their high horse and judge others and pretend like they'd never to the same. 

    Clearly.

    Your points would be vaild if you were not putting fuvking words in my mouth.

    I never said I would be able to be friends with her I said if. These are 2 different concepts.  As the other post which inspired this on dealt with a friend, I was making the same relationship.

    Again, I also never said I NEVER judge people. I said, MY GOAL, is to treat people the way I would want to be treated.

    For example, if I was acting like a complete twatwaffle like you are right now, I would want someone to tell me to STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    So, STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

     

     

    WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME?! LOL. Also, name-calling is against the TOS. Also, saying stfu and name-calling is very grown-up of you. I'm finding it hard to believe anything you said before for this reason. Good job.

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  • image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is like to struggle with reading comprehension?

    I wouldn't know. 

    Clearly you're a better person than I for being able to be friends with someone like I described. I find it funny that people can get on their high horse and judge others and pretend like they'd never to the same. 

    Clearly.

    Your points would be vaild if you were not putting fuvking words in my mouth.

    I never said I would be able to be friends with her I said if. These are 2 different concepts.  As the other post which inspired this on dealt with a friend, I was making the same relationship.

    Again, I also never said I NEVER judge people. I said, MY GOAL, is to treat people the way I would want to be treated.

    For example, if I was acting like a complete twatwaffle like you are right now, I would want someone to tell me to STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    So, STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME?! LOL. Also, name-calling is against the TOS. Also, saying stfu and name-calling is very grown-up of you. I'm finding it hard to believe anything you said before for this reason. Good job.

    Again with the reading comprehension, I didn't call you a name I said you were acting like a twatwaffle, not that we were one. There is a difference.

    Along with never claiming to be perfect, I also never claimed to be grown up.

    Are you judging the job I did? LOL.

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  • image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:
    image princess101:
    image Milliways:

    Are you asking would I think that the MC was a blessing in disgusie and she is better off.

    The answer is no.

    Are you asking if this was my friend would I guestion her for being an extreme AW if she was upset over her loss.

    The answer is no. If she is my friend and an extreme AW, I have accepted this about her. I also know her well enough to know that it might be her way of dealing. I would offer her my friendship and my support.

    Are you asking if she was a stranger, would I pass judgement on her behavior or life choices.

    The answer is no.

    If puts me up on some kind of high horse, then fine by me my goal is to treat people how I would wish to be treated.

    What's it like to be perfect and never judge anyone? 

    my goal =/= I never

    I am also pretty sure that I did not say that I was perfect.

    What is like to struggle with reading comprehension?

    I wouldn't know. 

    Clearly you're a better person than I for being able to be friends with someone like I described. I find it funny that people can get on their high horse and judge others and pretend like they'd never to the same. 

    Clearly.

    Your points would be vaild if you were not putting fuvking words in my mouth.

    I never said I would be able to be friends with her I said if. These are 2 different concepts.  As the other post which inspired this on dealt with a friend, I was making the same relationship.

    Again, I also never said I NEVER judge people. I said, MY GOAL, is to treat people the way I would want to be treated.

    For example, if I was acting like a complete twatwaffle like you are right now, I would want someone to tell me to STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    So, STFU and stop acting like a twatwaffle.

    WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME?! LOL. Also, name-calling is against the TOS. Also, saying stfu and name-calling is very grown-up of you. I'm finding it hard to believe anything you said before for this reason. Good job.

    Again with the reading comprehension, I didn't call you a name I said you were acting like a twatwaffle, not that we were one. There is a difference.

    Along with never claiming to be perfect, I also never claimed to be grown up.

    Are you judging the job I did? LOL.

    I'm starting to like you more and more. 

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  • image piecesofflare:

    Whoa super long quote.

    Anyway, I guess I'm lucky that I don't know any trash like this.  If I do, I'm unaware of the trashiness.

    I still don't know if this woman was sad about losing her baby or not.  Was she?

    I'd have a difficult time mustering up sympathy for a person who abuses her child and then creates another that she doesn't want.  My sympathy lies with her offspring.

    Even though she appears to be a world class sh!ttastic mother, I still don't think I'd be surprised if she felt some sense of loss over her dead baby. 

    I don't know.  I find it irritating when people go to extremes to try to prove a point.  This is so different from saturdaynightdoubletree's stupid post that I don't even really think it's relevant, and I don't see it going anywhere because it wasn't even a little clear what you were looking for until halfway through the thread.

    My favourite thing about the other post is the extremely hypocritical nature of it.  saturdaynightdoubletree was whining about her planned pregnancy and 'not being ready for it' three weeks ago.  Would you be surprised tonight if the worst happened to her and she was sad about it?  Because this is what she's b!tching about with her friend.  Lame.

    Yes

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  • image princess101:

    Would you feel sorry for this person?

    Answering your original question.  She bled out her dead child.  Yeah, I feel sorry for her.    PS:  Unless that has happened to you, maybe you shouldn't judge. 

    Do I think she should have been pregnant in the first place.  No.  Do I think she is an unfit mother?  Yes. 

     

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  • image SunflowerMae:
    would I feel bad for this woman? No.  I would be relieved that another child is not being born into such a terrible situation.  Her current child should be removed.  She sounds like an unfit mother.

    This, exactly.  Unfortunately, there are TOO many people (ahem,...women) out there who are of that same school of thought.  The thing that sucks about people like this?  It's a vicious cycle.  Extremely vicious.  Statistics prove that children that grow up in this environment tend to be system-abusers themselves, and have very low expectations.

    Case in point: A friend of FIL's is a teacher in Bridgeport, CT.  If anyone is from around here, they know Bridgeport, CT and how "lovely" of a city it is.  A student of his flat out told him the other day "Why do I have to learn all this bullsh*t history stuff?  The best job I can probably get is at McDonald's between getting unemployment"

    When I heard this? I was like "Wow, way to raise your kids".

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • Disgust over this woman's parenting abilities is a completely separate issue from wondering whether you should "feel sorry" for her miscarriage. Just my opinion.

    Also, wouldn't it be proper etiquette to warn people that this is m/c related?

    ETA: typo

  • image piecesofflare:

    I find it irritating when people go to extremes to try to prove a point.  This is so different from saturdaynightdoubletree's stupid post that I don't even really think it's relevant, and I don't see it going anywhere because it wasn't even a little clear what you were looking for until halfway through the thread.

    My favourite thing about the other post is the extremely hypocritical nature of it.  saturdaynightdoubletree was whining about her planned pregnancy and 'not being ready for it' three weeks ago.  Would you be surprised tonight if the worst happened to her and she was sad about it?  Because this is what she's b!tching about with her friend.  Lame.

    Yep to both points.

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