Mind ya business!!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

So today at work, I had 2 people randomly ask me "how things are going?" You all know the look that went with it. It was one of those prying into IF issue conversation starters.

I am so mad at myself. I really thought (and still do) that I'm okay with all aspects of my situation. But ,when it comes to using DE. I am so all over the place. Sad As you see in my Siggy. I've known about my condition for over 10 years. So I was extremely open about it early on. Now, I'm super paranoid about who knows and who doesn't.

Worst part of the day. The co-worker asked if I'd ever think of using my sister. My mind istantly starting racing thinking, "did I tell her I was using DE?, Why would she ask that, I thought I only told her I was having to see a RE," I kind of just stared. Then she kept talking. She then something else about embryos...so I mentioned something along the lines of Egg Donor and she say's, "oh. you are using a donor...I didn't know." I was so mad at myself for telling her. Why do I do this?????????

My husband told me that whenever I am pushed "in a corner" so to speak, I seem to say a lot of things due to nervouseness. I then instantly regret it.

I've realized that even though I "think" I'm okay to talk about it. I really should start saying "Thanks for asking. But, I really don't want to talk about it." I just feel so rude saying that. I can't keep beating myself up about it. I feel like I'm constantly trying to back peddle in what I've shared. I have to accept that what's done is done and really be okay with it.

More than anything I'm thinking about my future kids and how sharing/not sharing can effect them.

I've decided to start a journal with all these feelings. Then one day I can give it to my children to share my experiences and feelings during this process.

Sorry, had to vent. So, glad I can bump about this and not have to worry about back peddling what I've shared. Thanks for listening.

jcmayhew · March 2010

Sometimes it' just really difficult to find the right words. I however have come to the point of not worrying about being rude. It's really a private matter and it's one your obviously not comfortable sharing so instead of saying, "Thanks for asking, but I don't really want to talk about it" You can just simply say, "Thanks for asking, everyone has so much advice we are just exploring all our options right now" No one really needs to know what those options are, how many you've already explored or where you are in your treatment.

It seem to be a little less rude then sorry I don't want to talk about it with you ya know? I however have recently become bitter lol so I'd be like, yeah leave me alone I don't want to talk to you about this!!

Good Luck!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Good point. I need to put myself first and not worry about coming across as rude.

Thanks for the support!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Btw... I didn't mean that the worst part was bringing up using my sister. I meant that the worst part was that I didn't remember what exactly I had told her in the past. Thought I'd clarify.

Mind ya business!!

Re: Mind ya business!!

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