The ladies at work just called my upstairs for my surprise birthday get together. I asked them last month to just keep things really simple and low key as I am not to thrilled with the idea of turning 27 and not being pregnant. Please don?t say it? I know ?I?m still young, I have lots of time.? So they did just what I wanted and had a small cake, drank some champagne that was left over from a work event and we just chatted. It was nice.
Anyways the whole time we were together and now I just feel like crying. This time last year I had only been ttc for a few months and was naive and hopeful and thought anything was possible and I would, of course, be a parent by now. Then as time went on I thought okay I will be pregnant for my birthday and that will be wonderful. Now I am still just the same old me, ttc.
You know when you are in school and they tell you to make up a career and personal life goal list of where you will be in 5 years and 10 years. Well I am now 10 years later and my life plan is being thrown out the window. I am ?suppose to? have 2 kids by now. I?m not even pregnant with the first and I feel as if I will never get pregnant. Monday I go for my SonoHgram so hopefully that will provide some type of news and something to work from. The ladies at work say ?this year will be so exciting for you? I don?t think they understand what it feels like to be IF. I mean I thought last year would be exciting!
Thank you for reading. If you have any advice on how to cope with birthday emotions let me know. Otherwise I will be hiding under that rock over there until tomorrow is over. Then I can get back to my normal happy level where the days just go on without notice. And please no one remind me of how ?young? I am. I might only be 27 but it doesn?t change my desire to have a child now. Thanks.