Maybe it?s the champagne but? (long) — The Bump
Trouble TTC

Maybe it?s the champagne but? (long)

The ladies at work just called my upstairs for my surprise birthday get together.  I asked them last month to just keep things really simple and low key as I am not to thrilled with the idea of turning 27 and not being pregnant.  Please don?t say it? I know ?I?m still young, I have lots of time.? So they did just what I wanted and had a small cake, drank some champagne that was left over from a work event and we just chatted.  It was nice. 

 

Anyways the whole time we were together and now I just feel like crying.  This time last year I had only been ttc for a few months and was naive and hopeful and thought anything was possible and I would, of course, be a parent by now.  Then as time went on I thought okay I will be pregnant for my birthday and that will be wonderful.  Now I am still just the same old me, ttc. 

 

You know when you are in school and they tell you to make up a career and personal life goal list of where you will be in 5 years and 10 years.  Well I am now 10 years later and my life plan is being thrown out the window.  I am ?suppose to? have 2 kids by now.  I?m not even pregnant with the first and I feel as if I will never get pregnant.   Monday I go for my SonoHgram so hopefully that will provide some type of news and something to work from.  The ladies at work say ?this year will be so exciting for you? I don?t think they understand what it feels like to be IF.  I mean I thought last year would be exciting!

 

Thank you for reading.  If you have any advice on how to cope with birthday emotions let me know.  Otherwise I will be hiding under that rock over there until tomorrow is over.  Then I can get back to my normal happy level where the days just go on without notice.  And please no one remind me of how ?young? I am.  I might only be 27 but it doesn?t change my desire to have a child now.   Thanks.

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Re: Maybe it?s the champagne but? (long)

  • I'm so sorry. These milestones are hard and you are not alone in feeling this way.

    I don't know how to cope. If it were me, I'd probably drink more champagne and hang out with my husband.

    Big hugs to you.

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  • STL34STL34 member

    I know exactly how you feel.  I haven't been TTC quite as long (a little less than a year), but tomorrow is my birthday and while not TTC on my birthday last year, we expected to be PG or have a baby by my birthday this year.

    (The only reason we haven't been TTC for more than a year is because I had to quit taking one of my RXs for at least 3 months before we began TTC.  I stopped in January, but we wanted to give it a little extra time.)

    If you find anything that helps out, please let me know.  I think tomorrow is going to be a tough day for me, too!

    ETA - Big hugs to you,

    imageimage


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 37 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN

    FET#1:  BFN

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  • imagesail123:

    I'm so sorry. These milestones are hard and you are not alone in feeling this way.

    I don't know how to cope. If it were me, I'd probably drink more champagne and hang out with my husband.

    Big hugs to you.

    I agree, these milestones are hard and it is very tough to think of your 5 or 10 year goal and not completing it.  I feel what you are going through.  I'm sorry.

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    TTC since 4/09 - Dx PCOS 1/10, HSG: All Clear
    4 Failed Clomid cycles of varying degrees
    Clomid + Bravelle + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!
    Ectopic M/C 9/16/10 ~ Forever in our hearts <3<BR> IVF using Donor Eggs (DE) 6/11
    BCP+Lupron+Estrogen+DE ET+PIO = BFP!!!
    Beta #1: 507 #2: 1561 #3: 4,472 #4: 11,172

    BFPBs Sul06, MrsW722 & SnowflakeBride06
    GL to Mari2003 and all of the rest of the 3T Ladies
    :) SAIFW :)
  • ((hugs)) I wrote a very similar post on my birthday earlier this month. These milestones are so hard and its so miserable when you don't feel you have control over the direction of your life. I found that not celebrating my birthday or scaling back actually made me more sad, so tipped a good friend off, and she organized a little dinner party for me. I hope your friends and DH can help get you through. ((more big hugs))
    Trying to grow our family with both fertility treatments and adoption since March 2009 
    IUIs#1-4 = BFN, IVF#1 = c/p, IVF#2 = OHSS, FET#1=BFP
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • I'm sorry you're feeling this way.  It is no fun to have a birthday ruined with thoughts of IF.  Good luck with the SHG, I hope this is your year. 
    image
    It took 5 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, but our FET worked!
    My pregnancy after Infertility Blog
    Our baby girl was born on April 27, 2011!
  • Sally sweetie I know exactly what you are speaking about. I am sorry you are going through this and hope all this will pass soon for you.

    Cherish yesterday, Live today and always Dream for tomorrow!?
  • (((hugs)))  I'm so sorry :(
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  • imagesail123:

    I'm so sorry. These milestones are hard and you are not alone in feeling this way.

    I don't know how to cope. If it were me, I'd probably drink more champagne and hang out with my husband.

    Big hugs to you.

    all of this. (((hugs)))

    If I'm not pregnant by my 30th bday (this December) I'm going to Vegas or Mexico to throw myself a huge party. :)

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  • ((hugs)) I hope you feel better very soon.
    TTC since August 2009
    June/July 2011 - IVF #1 - Transfer cancelled due to OHSS
    23 perfect embryos. All 23 made it to freezing!
    September/October - FET #1 - October 12th - 2 Grade A embies
    October 20th - BFP??! EDD - July 1, 2012
    Beta #1 = 154, Beta #2 = 352 Beta #3 = 3,800
    U/S #2 - November 14th = 133 bpm! U/S #3 & 4 - November 30th and December 7th = 163 bpm! U/S#5 - January 30th - TEAM PINK!!!
    Baby Sweets born on her due date!
  • I know this isn't any consolation, but I wanted to add my name to the "you're sooooo not alone" list. Every holiday that passes I keep thinking of how I had planned to tell my family I was pregnant on this day last year.

    I can highly reccomend Barefoot Rose champagne for a cheap, temporary fix to this problem.

    imageimageimage
                                     **DS 12/17/10** **#2 Due 2/14/15**

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Hi, didn?t mean to post and run.  I wanted to get that off my chest before my drive home from work.  Thank you everyone for the kind words and hugs.  It is so nice to find support from others who understand. 

    Sail123:  Thank you for reminding me I am not alone.  IF sucks and is so lonely.  I don?t think the DH?s even understand to the full extent what it is like. 

    STL34:  I hope that you have a good birthday tomorrow and that your family and DH are there to support you.  I will be thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug.

    AshleyAnn:  I think not completing my 10 year goal is what is getting me down even more.  I have been thinking about re-writing my life plan and burning the old one.  Maybe I will do this tonight as a symbol to myself that it is time to move forward.

    Orange: My mom, dad and DH are taking me out for dinner tomorrow night to my favourite restaurant.  I am looking forward to that and a nice juicy steak!  DH is being very supportive this week.  Thank god for him!

    Jill, Clarissa. Gymnst: Thanks!

    Lolo: GL! I hope your not going to Mexico in December. ;)

    Sweets:  I love your quote!  So true, so true!

    Matwin: oh yes, the ?I was going to tell everyone at ____ (insert holiday here)? I am now going to roll my eyes at myself for being so na?ve last year.

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  • ::hugs::
    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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