Kinda hurtful MIL comment

JMCAVC · March 2010

Soooooo, while my parents are over the moon about our LO (it's their first grandchild), it seems like my "out-laws" aren't. When DH and I were talking about calling my parents when I go into labor so they can be at the hospital (they can't wait), I asked him if he wants his parents there too. He called them and pretty much this is what my MIL said "It's our 10th grandchild so you can just call us when she's born...." Um, SERIOUSLY! OK so it's your 10th grandchild, but it's my husband's FIRST CHILD! This is the kind of crap they do to him/me all the time. Like backhanded slaps once in a while. I've heard them say things to DH that hurt me to the bones, yet he is one of the most loving, supportive people I know. He has told me more than once that my parents are more parents to him then his own. Isn't that sad.

Sorry to vent, I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm heartbroken for DH...

mrs.g_6708 · March 2010

I'm sorry. That is really crappy of her. I say, if she is acting like she wants to be excluded, then exclude the hell out of her.

shrinkedink · March 2010

That sucks but then again - how much can they do by being there - it's best they stay home if they can't be helpful and supportive.

coheedmommy · March 2010

That is so sad... I'm sorry you MIL doesn't think that each baby is as important as the next. Her loss.

BarbieNCSU · March 2010

That is awful! I agree with the pp that said it will be her loss. Each grandchild should be special - especially if this is your DH's first. Some people are just mean.

Indygo517 · March 2010

We are in the same boat with my ILs as well. Although this is their 1st, and my parents' 4th - my parents are way more supportive and into this then his are. He too has made the comment that he feels the real love from my family. Sad, but at least they have our parents.

trinakb · March 2010

I think it was very thoughtful of you guys to try to involve them in the birth of your child. It is too bad that that was her reaction. But just think that they are the ones missing out. And it's great that you have your parents in your life to be supportive and excited during this time.

bmk112302 · March 2010

I would just ignore them and not even bother involving them. If they don't want to make the effort I wouldn't bother.

PrincessJesci · March 2010

Reading your siggy - you're 40 and he's 42 which makes his parents pretty aged. Yah, having your 10th grandchild may be old hat at this point and they probly don't want to hang out in a hospital all day/night. The baby won't know the difference if they meet Gma and Gpa at the hospital or at the house. I think you're being a bit sensitive.

ahpeach · March 2010

I think you're incredibly sweet to even ask them to be involved. It doesn't sound like they even deserve to be! How awful for your DH.

If it makes you feel any better, my in-laws were also less than excited when DH told them about us expecting. He is an only child, so you would have thought they'd be thrilled, being their first grandchild and everything, right? Wrong. DH later confronted them about their lackluster reaction, to which his mother said, "What did you want me to do? Cartwheels?" I was like, nice!

jazzcrawford · March 2010

I'm sorry your MIL is so rude, but now you know who you're dealing with. And you won't feel bad excluding her. You happiness and peace of mind is more imprtant right now!!

enjoy your pregnancy and don't let your mil rain on your parade!!

JMCAVC · March 2010

PrincessJesci:
Reading your siggy - you're 40 and he's 42 which makes his parents pretty aged. Yah, having your 10th grandchild may be old hat at this point and they probly don't want to hang out in a hospital all day/night. The baby won't know the difference if they meet Gma and Gpa at the hospital or at the house. I think you're being a bit sensitive.

They're actually pretty agile and busy for their ages and are constantly going to Atlantic City, their town senior club, etc., etc., etc. Am I being sensitive - perhaps, but if you really knew them you'd understand. This is the kind of crap they do to us all the time and guess this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm more hurt for my DH then myself, but I guess I should know them by now.

JMCAVC · March 2010

Thanks everyone for your support. DH and I will be OK, it was just a hurtful thing for her to do. She has made backhanded comments like this throughout my pregnancy (and other times in our marriage) and I should have not expected anything different. Guess I'm just used to my family since we're a bunch of "mush balls." Anyway, thanks again!

babybarnhart · March 2010

mrs.gardner:
I'm sorry. That is really crappy of her. I say, if she is acting like she wants to be excluded, then exclude the hell out of her.

This! (thanks, this one made me laugh)

I can -kinda- relate because this is my husband's parent's first grand baby and my parents 3rd. I can tell the difference between the two sides. When I told my mom I was pregnant I got silence on the other end. My MIL was super excited! I know my parents care and will be at the birth for the long haul but I don't think they're on the edge of their seat with excitement like his parents. Anyway, yeah I agree with everyone else...leave them be. In fact, send an email a few days later saying the baby was born on this time on this day. haha Or maybe that's too mean? That's what I would do!

Vonita · March 2010

shrinkedink:
That sucks but then again - how much can they do by being there - it's best they stay home if they can't be helpful and supportive.

This

GL and I hope getting it off your chest helps even if it can't fix things

RitaT22 · March 2010

Sorry you had to hear that! I felt something similar when we called my mom to tell her we were having a boy. All she said was, "Oh, ok. Well I've got to go now." I was so hurt by it that I started to cry.

ChristieRose16 · March 2010

I would be hurt, too! Isnt it about how special this even is for the two of you? NOT THEM! I would just exclude them if that's how they feel.

AEOW13 · March 2010

wow that sounds remarkably like my MIL... his whole family sucks. His parents are hurtful asses. They dont even seem to care that were having a baby. But my parents are more than excited and they love him as if he was their own. eh, ive gotten to the point that i really dont care. Hes starting not to care either...

we have pleanty of people who love us and want to be a part of our babies life without his parents...

chris5olson · March 2010

JMCAVC:
Soooooo, while my parents are over the moon about our LO (it's their first grandchild), it seems like my "out-laws" aren't. When DH and I were talking about calling my parents when I go into labor so they can be at the hospital (they can't wait), I asked him if he wants his parents there too. He called them and pretty much this is what my MIL said "It's our 10th grandchild so you can just call us when she's born...." Um, SERIOUSLY! OK so it's your 10th grandchild, but it's my husband's FIRST CHILD! This is the kind of crap they do to him/me all the time. Like backhanded slaps once in a while. I've heard them say things to DH that hurt me to the bones, yet he is one of the most loving, supportive people I know. He has told me more than once that my parents are more parents to him then his own. Isn't that sad.

Sorry to vent, I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm heartbroken for DH...

dont appologize it is def a warrented vent! how rude of her. i wanna say something to her for you LOL (must be my hormones) you know my DH's grandmother has 13 grandchildren and shes been at the hospital i think for everyone of them and i know she plans on coming for ours (her 1st great grandchild).

some ppl just like to rain on your parade. you keep your chin up and dont let her damper your day. good luck to you guys!

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