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2nd Trimester
Only Child? Chime in...
I actually have 2 boys now, with one on the way, but they are both from a previous marriage, and are now 14 and 11. Basically, I'm 35, and really don't want to go through the pregnancy thing again after this one. I'm just too much of a worrier this time around, and I'm scared to death we aren't going to have a healthy baby. My mother thinks we should have more, because one will be "too spoiled". I don't think it matters much. The question is, is there any validity to her thoughts? Is there a reason I need to have more than 1 that are closer in age? What are your thoughts? TIA
Katie
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Re: Only Child? Chime in...
Totally agree with this! Your child will have siblings, they will just be much older. I was/am an only child. While I was not a big fan of this arrangement, there are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of the argument. Most important is that you do what is right for you because you will be happy and well adjusted and your child will be too.
I'm an only child, and while I was "well taken care of", I certainly wouldn't classify myself as your stereotypical only child. It is the way you choose to raise your child- not the fact that they don't have siblings.
My husband was an 8 year later addition to the family, so quite a big age difference and he is just fine, too.
Your decision to have another baby or not is just that- YOUR decision. It really isn't any of your mother's business... just my two cents!
I agree with pp. This most certainly won't be an only child! My brother is ten years older than me, and he is certainly my sibling. I would never consider myself an only child.
IMO, I also think at 35 you should probably get past letting other people influence your major life decisions.
i fall into your LO's category. My brother is 20 years older than me and my sister is 17 years older than me. Although I have siblings, I was practically raised as an only child.
There are pro's & con's to every situation. For me, it was like having a second set of parents. At times, I hated it but as I grew older, I was able to go to them with things my parents didnt understand.
I dont think growing up as an only child is a bad thing. It actually taught me to be more creative, more social, and definitely independent. I did wish I had a little sister or brother but, I think I turned out just fine. lol
If you're done having kids, then be done. Dont force yourself to have another one just so your youngest has someone to play with. Can you afford to financially have another child? Do you want to go through this experience again (from your post it doesnt sound like it)?
Also, dont doubt the health of your child. I'm sure everything will be fine. My sister had a baby @ 45 and had no issues at all. Always remember, the odds are in your favor....
I think you are fine.
My brother is 7 and 10 years younger than my sister and I. We were pretty much not raised together since we both went off to college when he was so young. When we were in the house together, we had fun with him though.
And, I think the separation has created a very unique relationship between him and I. He calls me for advice that he wouldn't talk to my parents about - he looks up to me which makes me feel pretty special! I love our relationship!
Was he raised differently? Yes he was. But, he was the first boy, my parents weren't paying for three children (my sister married when he was 14 and I married when he was around 16) all the time, and they were much older parents with different thoughts/ philosophies by then.
I say don't feel pressure to have another - enjoy the unique and regarding sibling situation your children will have!
I'm actually in the exact situation as your child. My parents both had sons from a previous marriage - my mom's son is 13 years older than I am and my dad's son is 12 years older than I am, and they each lived with their "other" parent so I was brought up as an only. I actually loved having this situation as a child. I felt like I had the best of both worlds. My parents were able to give me a lot of time and attention, and there was no sibling rivalry or fighting, yet I had the advantage of having brothers who gave me advice, were there for me when I needed them, etc. I love my brothers very much but also feel like I had a great time being an only child as well. I always had lots of friends and was never bothered by the fact that I didn't have siblings around.
Each situation is different, some people like large families, some people like small families. My husband and I question whether we want another child...if at all it will be a long time from now. And we feel there's no problem with having an only child, we just feel lucky and blessed to have one. Go with your gut, it's your decision, your life, and no one should be "pressuring" you do any different!! Good luck!!
well before my parents married each other they had each been married and each had a child. My mother had my sister and my father had my brother. They got married and had me. My brother was 10 when I was born and my sister was 13. My life was great. I had an older brother and sister that were my brother and sister. just because we all werent a year apart didnt make me an "only child'. I wasnt spoiled but loved. i wouldnt change being this much younger than my sibilings for anything in the world.
Lack of siblings does not spoil a child. Parents spoil children. I'm an only child and am certainly not spoiled. My parents never set me up for that.
I had a great life as an only child and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with it, if that is the right decision for your family. Do what's right for you guys.
I grew up in a similar situation. My Mom had me when she was 36 and I am my father's only child-- my brother is 13 yrs older than me and my sister is 17 years older than me. I was very spoiled, but I turned out great-- law degree, happily married with baby on the way. For me it was the best of both worlds-- siblings when I wanted them, but lots of attention at home. My sister ended up having her first baby when I was just 3 yrs old and my niece has been like a sister to me since we are closer in age.
For me, while I wish I would have had a closer in age sibling, I've had plenty of very good friends who have been surrogate sisters.
I definitely don't think that the risk that your child will be "spoiled" outweighs the risks of pregnancy after 35.
I am adopted and an only child. I loved being an only child and while I did have some great privileges I don't think I turned out bad at all. Actually, I turned out pretty darn well!
I got exposure to places early and I have some great childhood best friends and I'm very close with my parents.
GL with your decision. I think it's fine.
i'm an only child and had a wonderful childhood and many friends. my parents didn't spoil me and i turned out pretty independent. one of the great qualities you don't hear about only children is that they value their friendships as if they were siblings simply because they don't have them. i've had the same best friends since elementary school and i'm in my 30s. as an adult i wish i had siblings for a variety of reasons, but as a child it didn't matter to me.
one thing only children do have to deal with is a lot of stereotyping. my SIL was big on horrible only children comments, as me and her stepmom are both only children. she didn't particularly like us at first so she had a second child for reasons like "only children don't know how to share" and so it wouldn't "turn out" like me and her stepmom. now that she has two kids who don't know how to share and are out of control, she tells us just to have one because it's so much easier. i want more than one for my own reasons, but i do know that if i had one, and mine acted the same way that her kids do, the "reason" would be blamed on the fact that he or she doesn't have any siblings. all you can do is call people out on it when they stereotype. but to the OP, all this doesn't matter because half-siblings are still siblings - just wanted to relate my only child story.