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Guilt

FemmeNat01FemmeNat01 member
in Preemies

How do you deal with it?

I know, in my head, that this isn't my fault and that I tried my best to make it as far as I could. But, when I see E or L in the NICU, my heart breaks and I can't help but feel like I failed. Or, when someone silly blames it on me, I know they are a horrible person, but it still affects me.

I think they just need to come home, soon.

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Re: Guilt

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    KellyMichelleKellyMichelle

    I think at some point you kind of just accept that it isn't your fault and allow yourself to move on.  That takes a while though. 

    I'm sorry that someone blamed you for your babies being early.  It isn't your fault at all.  

    Kelly, Mom to Noah 8.27.05 (born at 26 weeks)
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    At1stsightAt1stsight

    It's not your fault. Some women go to 41 w and they're trying to do things to make the baby come. Babies come when they come. Hang in there!

    This remains difficult for many preemie moms to handle. You are not alone! Congrats on your kiddos and I hope they're home soon.

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    SkypekWithoutACSkypekWithoutAC
    It gets MUCH better once you're out of the hospital, but I still have times (usually when we're dealing w/something resulting from her preemie-ness like her weight gain or her reflux) that I blame myself. And I can tell you I'll probably be a basket case when I have another baby. But when my brain starts to go there, I just try to remind myself that I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time and leave it at that.
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    Lottie410Lottie410
    I know how you feel, I had pre-e with my baby and it was realy hard not to blam myself. Then I had to realize that there are some thing that are out of my control. I am just thankful that he is home and healthy now. It was a long road but the gulit slowly goes away when you are able to bring your baby home.
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    EM166EM166
    I know what you mean. I think it is one of those things that you think your body is supposed to handle, and it didn't. I also had pre-e, and was induced at 35 weeks. We are just so thankful our little man is doing so well, and only had to spend an extra week in the hospital due to not having body fat to keep him warm. I still feel guilty about him coming early, and missing my baby belly, or even just missing out on a regular labor (not being induced). Hang in there, cry if you need to (I do on a daily basis), and know that it is all in plans for your little one.
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    jcsntms06jcsntms06 member
    It's not your fault that the babies came early. You can't blame yourself. You also shouldn't listen to crazy non-sense from someone who just don't understand. I'm sorry your having to deal with this person.
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    SWMcFarlandSWMcFarland member

    I know what you mean.  My mom actually said the other night I caused my pre-e (and subsequent HELLP) by being so stressed all the time.

    It hurts when people say stupid, uneducated things.  In time, it gets easier to handle.  I just went through Lily's 1st birthday and it was hard, but I feel better now that it is over!

    ((Hugs))

    3/22/09 - Lily Grace, born at 33 weeks, 2 days
    9/12/14 - M/C @ 7 weeks, 1 day (ectopic)

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    sassafras007sassafras007 member

    Still dealing with it Nat and I cry a lot about it.

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    monstergurlmonstergurl

    It looks like this is a common thing. I go through "if only I didn't ...." or "if only I took it easier..." but in reality I didn't do anything different then a mom that was able to carry her baby 40 or more weeks. It's a hard reality to accept and knowing that I will be "high risk" next pregnancy is a scary thing.

    I guess all we can do is remember that it isn't our fault. 

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