Friends: How much advice to give??

lennonlover · March 2010

I was the first of my friends to get married and have a baby. They are all starting to do it now. My very good friend and neighbor is just pregnant and is being EXTREMELY careful. She wont eat lunch meat, lift anything, or even walk the neighborhood with me anymore. I really want to grab her pretty little face and shake her.....nicely, of course!!! I try not to be "that" friend that pushes their views onto everybody, but I just want her to know she can loosen up a bit!

I was the complete opposite though, I kept my running routine until I was 5 months. So, maybe I am not the one to say anything!!

How much advice to you give to your friends planning weddings/having babies after you??

chels0120 · March 2010

I try not to dish out advice but be there when they have questions! Everyone's different though

ivs112 · March 2010

Honestly, I rarely volunteer advice. If they ask me for my opinion then I gladly give it, but otherwise unless it's one of my very close friends, I keep my mouth shut.

I don't like getting unwanted advice, however harmless it may be, so I do the same.

BeanieWeanie · March 2010

So far only one of my BFFs (out of 6) has gotten pregnant. She's due in 10 days. I have tried very hard not to give out unwanted advice but I might've thrown a couple of things in a email about labor. Mine was horrible and I think I would've benefited from someone giving me a heads up beforehand! I do worry that I'm just annoying her, but she's too polite to say anything!

trackchik6 · March 2010

only if they ask!!

I didn't eat lunchmeat or lift anything! Some ppl choose to be more cautious than others and I think that's their prerogative

Ivana_Stolichnaya · March 2010

I try really hard not to constantly keep the conversation on myself. I usually wait until they ask me a question or start a 'baby conversation' I have a friend who had a boy two months after us, it was really hard to not give her the gory detail of labor and I'm proud that I managed to hold my tongue. Just because my baby is two months older and I'm on the Bump religiously doesn't make me an expert.

leslie13510 · March 2010

Three situations...

1. They ask for advice.

2. I can tell they're really struggling with something and I think they would be grateful for some help/advice, but are too proud to come out and ask for it.

3. They're doing something that's dangerous for their child. And I don't mean that they started rice cereal at 4 months instead of 6, I'm talking about someone turning the carseat FF'ing at 8 months old or putting a newborn who can't hold their head up in a jumperoo type of dangerous.

BitterOldHag · March 2010

I only gave one piece of unsolicited advice to a friend with a younger LO who was complaining her DS was distracted and not eating. It was just about the same age when we started feeding LOs in the dark because of that issue and she tried it when I told her.

So far it's working for her too. But other than that I keep my mouth shut.

emiliemetcalf · March 2010

I only offer "advice" on baby products I like. For instance, I love trumpette socks because they are adorable and stay on DD's feet, so if a new/expectant mom comments on them, I tell her where I got them and why I like them.

Otherwise, I will offer comparisons if I'm talking to someone, like if we're talking about what we do when the babies fuss, etc. (Does that make sense?)

lennonlover · March 2010

I probably should of thrown in that she is one of my best friends and we hang out everyday. We talk about everything, and she is always asking me questions and stuff. She was also there with me throughout my pregnancy too, she lives next door.

I really just want her to enjoy her pregnancy and not worry so much!! Somebody gave me this advice early in my pregnancy and I am glad they did, because I LOOOVED being pregnant. She is not enjoying it so much now, and I think it's because she's worried sick!

margeincharge2 · March 2010

I wouldn't tell her what to do about lunch meat or lifting or walking. That is totally her choice. I know I was very cautious in those early weeks and I ended up having pretty severe bleeding. It's best to just let her figure out what she's comfortable with. I know in my case, once I felt settled into the pregnancy, I was lifting stuff and exercising and all that jazz.

pink.dutch.tulips · March 2010

i was the last of my friends in nor cal to get married/ have a baby and thankfully everyone kept their unsolicted advice to a bare minimum w/ regards to wedding planning and babies.

i was the first though of my so cal friends to have a baby and b/c every pg is different, i'm keeping my mouth shut unless someone flags me down w/ a question.

sadly, i've got a front row seat to a trainwreck of a wedding in the works and it's taking every fiber of my being NOT to say a word ! (a sample - wedding is 6/26 but they don't have a place for it yet EEK !!!)

courtneyaok · March 2010

I try only to do it when it comes up in conversation or when they ask me.

StrawberryBlondeMomma · March 2010

I was the first of my friends (from college) too. It's hard not to give advice!

but i was that person that your friend is, minus the not working out. I worked out every day, but just walking - for energy (tell her it will help her not be so tired! and keep extra weight off!). i don't see what's wrong with not eating lunch meat. they warned me not to at my 6 week "nurse educators" meeting... unless it was steamed. i pretty much didn't do anything they warned me against. i figured why risk it?

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