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Question for foster parents...

hoping4morehoping4more member
in Adoption

DH and I are considering becoming FPs and we got the application kit yesterday. In this kit there is a long checklist of things we would be willing to accept. Now I know right away there are some I will accept and some I will not but the rest I don't know.

We have been slowly researching online about some of these conditions to try to decide what we would be comfortable with but some of them vary so much it's hard to know. We will be starting off at level 1 of course and the lady at the agency assures me we will not be given the "hardest" children but I'm still a bit nervous.

We are also looking at age 0-5 so there might be challenges with that too.

My parents are very supportive on our decision to want to foster but they are also concerned if we get a child with behavioural problems our 3.5 year old daughter will start acting out as well. I know that we will be teaching DD that these foster children have special circumstances and that her having really bad behaviour is unacceptable, but my mom made me worry that this really might start problems. 

So how do I decide what we are willing to accept? 

Advice is appreciated, TIA! 

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Re: Question for foster parents...

  • ctbride08ctbride08 member

    Well, its really up to you and what works for your family.  Research as much as you can and have honest talks with your spouse.  Dont feel guilted into taking on more than you are willing to handle because in the end that doesnt benefit anyone.  But also keep in mind that you dont have to decide now...your true decision doesnt come until the phone call.  In my experience, if you have room in your home, they will call you regardless of whats on your check sheet (ie. we specified a preference for 0-3 but have been called for 4 year olds). 

    Of course its helpful to have guidlines in mind so you dont get wrapped up in the emotions of the first call, but I've always found it so much easier to make the decision when we are talking about an actual child, rather than a hypothetical.  On paper we are open to just about any special need or situation within our age ranges, but that doesnt mean we accept every call we get, it just means we are willing to consider all placements and get to decide at the time of the call.

    I know its pretty overwhelming (and exciting!) right now, but give yourself some time to really think about it.  Also remember that you can change your preferences at any time so you arent locking yourself into anything.

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  • come*on*babycome*on*baby

    we started out easy at first. we had a DV baby, no drug use. we attempted a drug exposed child next and her sibling, who was most likely exposed as well. They were fabulous and went to live with an aunt. We then received a sibling set of 3, each exposed to meth. The oldest is ADHD and has many other issues that her mother exposed her to (scary movies, lying, etc.), the middle has a multitude of problems (SPD, Anger/Aggression/Agitation that is finally being medicated, major speech delays) and the youngest has major anger issues, speech and growth delays.

     

    They honestly will not know the extent of damage done to the child until they have been in the home for a extended amount of time. With our middle child, her anger and aggression was surpressed until about July '09, and they have been in our house since Dec '08. That's a long while.  They may be basic children, they may start showing their problems after a while.

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  • hoping4morehoping4more member

    Thanks lades!

    I do know that nothing is set in stone, which puts me a bit more at ease. It also helps me to know there will be a team of people I will be working with to provide support and resources while I have a child in my home. 

    It is so exciting, but scary and we want to make sure we do this in the best way possible for our family. 

    *Also, I'm sorry I do not know what a DV baby is... 

    Our Girls
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    AquinnahDori
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  • come*on*babycome*on*baby
    domestic violence. the acronym was easier while holding a baby. :)
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  • poppyweedpoppyweed member

    I lurk here ffrom time to time because of my interest in adoption and fostering. Fostering is also something DH and I may look into in the future.

    I grew up in a fostering household. My parents fostered children of varying ages from the time I was 11 until I was in university. I will say that I did all the "rebellious" teenage things, but it was never associated with the foster children my parents cared for. If anything, I saw myself as a role model to these children and went out of my way to ensure that the children (who sometimes were only a couple of years younger than myself) didn't know about my actions. Also, my bother (2 years older) was the model child, all through our fostering years.

    I just wanted to give you a positive story regarding your concerns for your daughter. Fostering really is wonderful, so Yes to you and your DH!

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  • hoping4morehoping4more member
    Thanks poppyweed, that made me smile and I hope my DD will be a role model too. 

    Your little girl is adorable!! Oh and I noticed you are in Canada too =)
    Our Girls
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    AquinnahDori
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
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