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Seriously??!!?? Need to Vent.......

pnltyboxpnltybox
in TTC after 35

I love DH dearly, and I don't generally vent about him, but there are those moments that make me want to shake the snot out of him!  Case in point being last night.  He comes home from work, it's late (he works nights) and my hormone laiden body is already nearly passed out on the couch.  He says he talked to his boss yesterday about the pending time off he will need in late November (my EDD is approx. Nov. 20th, assuming all goes well, fingers crossed), which will be right around the week of Thanksgiving, a very busy time at work for both of us. Then he tells his boss that as long as I'm no longer in the hospital, he fully expects to be at work that week!  When I completely overreact to this (as I do with most things lately), he explains that he just doesn't want to leave his boss "in the lurch" during a busy period!  WTF??!!??

Now, I know my hormones are making me a total whack-a-doo psycho lady, but are you seriously telling me that you're intending to leave me alone with an infant, possibly days after giving birth, so that you can help your BOSS??!!  What about helping ME!!  If there EVER was a time to leave your boss "in the lurch", THIS WOULD BE IT!!  It is also a very busy time for me at work too (we work in the same industry), but there is NO WAY I'll be going in!

When I first starting lurking the TTC 35+ board, I remember reading a post that someone had written while venting about her DH that said "I wanted to bite off a chunk of his face and spit it back out at him".........yea, that's how I felt last night!

Anyway, I know I'm probably overreacting, and it's completely possible that this scenario won't ever play out, but I just needed to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening!

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Re: Seriously??!!?? Need to Vent.......

  • izzourclueizzourclue member

    I don't know if you were looking for advice, but here are my 2 cents.  While, your initial rage was probably intensified by your hormones, I think what you are talking about is a serious issue and something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon.  I think a lot of DHs probably think when a woman is home from the hospital after giving birth that she is raring to go and has no physical limitations.  When in actuality, even if you have a perfectly normal vaginal birth, there is still a lot of healing and resting that you need to be able to do and that is why you need help for at least that first week.  If you were to have a c-section, I don't even know if you are allowed to pick your baby up without assistance.

    He probably just doesn't understand this and you just need to "inform" him.  I would have taken it personally too because it came across as if his boss' needs are more important than yours and that is not cool.  Good luck figuring it out.  You do have plenty of time to work out a plan.  H&H 9 months! 

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  • steverstever member
    imageizzourclue:

    even if you have a perfectly normal vaginal birth, there is still a lot of healing and resting that you need to be able to do and that is why you need help for at least that first week.  If you were to have a c-section, I don't even know if you are allowed to pick your baby up without assistance.


    This. I had a normal vaginal birth of a not huge(7lbs11oz) baby but was on bed rest for 3 weeks PP because of tearing.I can't imagine what it would have been like with a c/s.

    You may have over-reacted, but you'll definitely need your DH immediately after you give birth.

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  • MDBeachbrideMDBeachbride member
    I had my DS on Wednesday with a -section.  My DH went back to work on Monday.  I guess everyone's different but you will soon realize that while it's nice to have help...if you are breast feeding...DH can't do much for you.  I think you'll be ok if he has to go back to work shortly after. 
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  • JilliansMomaJilliansMoma member
    I totally understand.  I was so scared to not have my DH home with me and my mom for added support after we brought DD home. (In hind sight it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be)  I was very lucky that I had her on the last day of school (DH is a teacher) so he had no choice but to spend his summer vacation on "paternity" leave.  It helped so much having him there even though I was breast feeding.  I so hope you can work this out and that you have a H&H 9!!!!  GL

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  • MrsSavannahMrsSavannah

    I understand your frustration.  I had an emergency c-section after 4 hours of pushing.  DH took a week off work, but most of that time was spent in the hospital.  I think he was only home with me 2 days before going back to work.  I was on my own and had dr's appts for both me and baby to get to.  Somehow I managed, but it was hard.  Eventually some family came to help me and it was so nice.

     

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  • pnltyboxpnltybox

    Thanks ladies......as usual, you guys always provide insight to make me feel better.

    Just to clarify, I don't think DH intends to go right back to his usual work week straight away.  I think what he meant last night was that if needed, he'll pop into work for a few hours just to help them get through the rush........but of course, in my hormone driven state, that wasn't what I was hearing.  I think it was just the way he worded it that made me so frustrated.  If I needed him to come home, he only works 7 miles away and could be back home in 15 minutes and I have to say, his boss is pretty great........very understanding throughout this whole process whenever DH needed to take off/come in late.  DH and his boss have a really great relationship in and out of the workplace, so I know he's just being mindful of his boss's needs.  I often get jealous and wish we could switch bosses!

    Thanks again ladies!

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  • NowDNAtooNowDNAtoo
    When I had DS we came home on a Saturday and DH was back at work on Monday.  He did go in late because we had a pediatrician appt. that morning and was home 'early' for his normal work day, but I totally managed on my own.  As a pp said I was BF, so it wasn't like he could do much to help when DS was awake which was often long enough to change a diaper and eat.
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  • joyfulnaturejoyfulnature
    imagepnltybox:

    Thanks ladies......as usual, you guys always provide insight to make me feel better.

    Just to clarify, I don't think DH intends to go right back to his usual work week straight away.  I think what he meant last night was that if needed, he'll pop into work for a few hours just to help them get through the rush........but of course, in my hormone driven state, that wasn't what I was hearing.  I think it was just the way he worded it that made me so frustrated.  If I needed him to come home, he only works 7 miles away and could be back home in 15 minutes and I have to say, his boss is pretty great........very understanding throughout this whole process whenever DH needed to take off/come in late.  DH and his boss have a really great relationship in and out of the workplace, so I know he's just being mindful of his boss's needs.  I often get jealous and wish we could switch bosses!

    Thanks again ladies!

    I'm late to the party, but reading this really made me feel better about the situation. It sounds like you have some wiggle room here. If your DH is needed, he can be with you. 

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