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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22
Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division
Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant
Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22
NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group
Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43
Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18
Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing
Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
newborn sleeping
My little girl has been here 3 nights now and I'm at a total lost on what to do at night. The first night she wound up sleeping in my arms most of the night, every time I'd put her down she'd cry, at about 4 am I put her in her swing and got her to sleep for about 2 hours. 2nd night we tried a pacifier, it lasted about 2 hours before there was just no more keeping it in and she was up and fussy for the rest of the night. Last night nothing would quite her, not the swing or pacifier (not that I want her sleeping in the swing regularly), I tried to make enough space between me and DH so she could sleep in the middle (another habit I don't want to get into) but she would still cry when I put her down. I held her as long as I could but I kept nodding off and I woke up this morning laying in bed w/ her in my arms. I got 4 or 5 hours of sleep which was great, but I can't do that, it's so dangerous.
I try to keep her up during the day, and I'll keep working on that, but even wetting her face doesn't seem to do much. I also try to let her cry it out, the dr said let her go 5 min., but that doesn't stop her either. What have you been able to do to get your newborn to sleep? I expect to be getting up at night, but I also expect to get some sleep and DH is getting really discouraged.
Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22
Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division
Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant
Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07
Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22
NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group
Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16
Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43
Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18
Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing
Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age groupThis discussion has been closed.
Re: newborn sleeping
I would not advise keeping her up during the day. That just leads to an overtired, cranky baby. Not good for anyone.
You let your 3 day old baby cry it out? I'm sorry but that is not okay. Even if it's for five minutes. Your baby needs to learn trust and the only way she can do that is if you respond to her needs right away.
The only thing I would do is keep the house bright and noisier during the day, and keep things really dim at night. Also avoid talking to her at night and avoid eye contact. Your baby will eventually work out a schedule for herself, but for now just do what you can and try to sleep whenever she is sleeping.
M/C Dec 2010 - 5w5d Missing my sweet angel baby.
the dr told me to wait 5 min, he also said to wake her every 3 to 4 hours
this is my 1st baby post, I've been so busy taking care of and cuddling w/ my little girl, Im sure I'll be here very little. You really have nothing better to do w/ your time then judge me for asking for help and suggestions? WTF?
Your newborn is just that...a new born. She's scared when she's alone because she spent the first 9 months of her life inside of a tight warm space. I can't see how you'd expect her not to cry when you put her down. I also can't believe that you're actually expecting to sleep for hours at a time this early in the game. Honestly, at three days old she should be up eating every 2-3 hours, even during the night. You getting that 4-5 hours of sleep is really a luxury.
I'm also not a big fan of CIO-ers, especially at three days old.
For the first few nights of her life, Gia slept on either my or my husband's chest. Even now, if she's having a rough night she sleeps on my chest. There are no "habits" that can be formed this early, and your doctor is really stupid for telling you to let your 3 day old CIO. I'm not even opposed to CIO, but that's just ridiculous.
As the other ladies have pointed out, she's brand new to this big world so she needs your comforting. The expectations you have and things you're trying to do aren't something that you start at birth.
Also, as one of the other ladies said on another topic similar to this, your LO is still basically a fetus.
I find it amazing that people spend insane amounts of time planing on what their nursery will look like, what the baby will wear home from the hospital, and what baby gear patterns they'll use, but it doesn't occur to them to do a little reading and find out what it is like to have a newborn.
This is what newborns do. They don't understand night and day. All she understands right now is that she's hungry and insecure. Feed her and hold her and sleep when she sleeps.And your doctor is a douche for telling you to let her cry.
Right now, the only sleep you are going to get is broken up sleep. You can still get 8 hours a day of sleep, but you will have to take it in 2-3 hour increments. Sleep when she sleeps even in the middle of the day. And I'm sorry your DH is discouraged, but being sleep-deprived is part of having a newborn. Heck, it's part of being a parent. GL.
A agree w/Steph read some sleep books!
Do not let your newborn cry it out for even 5 mins. They do not understand.... it will probably take a VERY long time for your baby to sleep all night... DD didn't until she was nearly 11 months. It is part of having a baby. I am sorry I am not being all mushy about it but I am surprised you shocked that your 3 day old isnt sleeping well.
Welcome to Motherhood. The first few months suck. It get easier, but it's never easy.
Your LO probably won't even begin to STTN until atleast 2.5-3months...and that's if you're one of the lucky ones.
She doesn't know how to soother herself yet, she's terrified of her new world and needs her mom the hold her when she cries. Babies cry. It's what they do. Newborns need to eat every 2-4 hours. That's probably why she's waking up.
Also please let he sleep during the day. She needs to sleep. Basically you are on her schedule. You move when she does and rest when she rests. When she gets older her sleeping patterns will change, if they don't then you can work on it using CIO, etc.
And please don't complain about being able to hold and cuddle your baby. You will miss it one day.
GL!
For those first few days I don't think T was ever awake for more than 45 minutes at a stretch. Tickling her and undressing her down to her diaper to keep her awake during feedings was one thing, but putting water on her face?? Wherever did you get that idea??
Yes, the lack of sleep SUCKS, and for your sake hope that she starts sleeping through the night earlier than 11 1/2 months like T did, but for now, just cat nap. If your husband is around nap with her on you. I took many a nap like that the first week. Every little bit of sleep will help, even if it's just an hour at a time. You WILL get through. Just hang in there.
My heart goes out to you. My first month with L was a sleep deprived haze, and I wouldn't want to relive it ever.
I have no advice, just reassurance. It will get easier.
I want to offer some constructive advice as well. At this point, if your baby sleeps on the swing, great. If she sleeps on you, great. If she sleeps in bed with you, great just go by the guidelines (no blankets, tight fitting bottom sheets, no one going to sleep on medicine/having had alcohol so you stay alert, etc.). Let her sleep when she needs to and eat when she needs to and change her diaper a ton if she gets wet.
And don't let her cry, her cries need to be answered by you so she knows that you will be there for her and she can trust you to take care of her needs. In the long run, this is what creates an independant, loving and confident child... one who had parents who provided for her needs, parents she knew the could turn to if she needed help.
It's hard, guaranteed. And I think that is one of the biggest shocks about being a new parent, even if people prepare you for it... you get so little sleep you feel like you're going to go crazy. Switch off with DH here and there to get a break, see if a relative/friend can drop by and offer some help and rest/sleep when baby does. Even if you're not sleeping just to lay down and close your eyes and relax for a few minutes is helpful.
You just carried her for 9 months so think of it from her point of view - she's hungry, out of her warm, safe home and wants to be next to the one person she's been with since she was conceived... you. Try not to look at her as someone who is disrupting your sleep (hard at 3 a.m. when she's up for the 7th time, I know) but someone who loves you more than anyone else ever could and needs you to show her how to get use to this big, crazy world.
thank you for most of you who gave me some good ideas, I did think 5 days old (she's been home 3 nights) is too early to cry, I was just saying what the dr told me. I'm looking to get 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, certainly not to STTN, but enough so I can safely hold her. I'm going to work on sleepng more during the day, its just hard because I was trying to get housework done then, plus any time I put her down when she sleeps, she's up w,in 15 min, but maybe this will give her a xhance to get used to her bassinet.
Please remember not to judge, I'm brand new at this and just looking for some real life experiences, I have read books, but other opinions are always helpful, as you have all pointed out how foolish the dr was
How much does she weigh? As she gains more weight and gets a little older the time span that she sleeps will increase. My first was under 6lbs and she definitely woke through out the night more than my second that was born over 7lbs.
It definitely will get better. The first night I had 'baby duty' with DD1 all I could think was 'what the hell did I get myself into'. I never remember those low points with DD2, I guess I acclimated pretty quickly.
Do what she wants for you to both get rest. If you do decide to put her in the bed, buy a Snuggle Nest. Tell DH if he plans to STTN to move on to the couch because it will honestly be months before that happens. If she sleeps in the swing or the Snuggle Nest at night, let her. You aren't forming any real habits this early. After about 6 months, my opinion on that would change, but for now, feed her, comfort her, and do what you need to do to survive.
I also want to warn you that the baby blues will probably hit soon which will exacerbate the whole situation. you may cry at the drop of a hat and feel a little depressed. If that lasts longer than a few weeks definitely see your doctor.
ETA: I can't believe that I didn't suggest Happiest Baby on the Block and the 5 S's. If you aren't familiar with that book get the DVD, read the book, and get a Miracle blanket. I bet she'd do alot better swaddled TIGHTLY. She was held tight when she was in your belly so you want to replicate that feeling.
J2 11.17.08
I don't really know how to respond without being snarky, but this is what newborns DO!!!!! She is THREE days old. waking up every 1-3 hours to eat is NORMAL. Splashing water on your newborn's face to "keep her up"??!?!? I don't even know what to say to that. Really. At any age, "sleep begets sleep"- meaning, you can't keep your kid up all day to make them sleep all night- it's counterintuitive.
Some things you can try- for real- first off, roll with it- when she cries, pick her up. No matter what.
At night try to keep the lights down, tv off, speak softly and quietly.
Anytime she IS sleeping, swaddle her. It will help!
During the day, wake her every 3 hours to eat if she doesn't wake on her own. At night, let her sleep until she wakes! (as long as weight gain is good!)
The first 2 weeks with DS were absolute hell. We had to sleep in the rocker with him and could NOT put him down.
All that being said, he STTN (8hrs) at 4 weeks, and I was nursing. Nothing I did made that happen, he just did it! You cannot expect STTN for at least 3-4 months.
Please read some books about newly newborns! What to expect the 1st year was my fave. GL!
I'm not trying to be snarky at all, but the house can wait - your job right now and for the next couple of months is to focus on you and your baby. My dh picked up the slack with the house and the cooking - maybe your dh can step in there. Also swaddle her during the day for naps she might sleep better. Newborns have a high startle reflex which often wakes them up if their arms are not bound. Good luck.
Ditto on the swaddling. It did wonders for T because her arms would fly up and immediately wake her.
And please, get your husband to help around the house where he can. Don't worry about letting the laundry pile up. Anyone who comes over is not going to criticize you for not having a perfect home. I know you feel like you have to use that nap time to get things done, but that will come in time.
Ditto pp about the Happiest Baby on the Block. Watch the DVD - you need to sleep rather than read a book right now. Your local library should have it. Basically, for the next couple of months, your baby will find comfort in the things that replicate her experience in the womb. Swaddle her tightly (I love the Swaddle Mes), give her a pacifier to suck (if you're not BFing and concerned about nipple confusion), and put her in the swing when she is calm. Don't put a screaming baby in a swing since it will only make it worse. There is also a hold that you can do that will calm the baby, but its hard to explain and I still can't do it! Lastly, when the baby is crying or screaming, "shush" directly into her ear. Do it as loud as she is screaming. It may seem loud to you, but remember she is used to hearing all those noises in the womb. The quiet is unsettling right now. Use white noise in the room as well. Turn the radio or tv onto a non-station so you just have the static and turn it up loud. Wearing your baby may also help soothe her as you move about the house. We love the Baby Bjorn.
Make sure you wake your LO every 2 hours to eat. Change her, swaddle her, feed her, burp her. If she falls asleep, let her sleep until the next feeding.
My babies are 2-1/2 months old and are still waking every 3-4 hours to eat. They are not on any schedule. They are still too young. Most experts do not advise putting your little one on a schedule until 12 weeks old.
Take care of yourself. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Ignore the housework and the laundry right now. Your primary concern is your baby and you're no use to her if you're not taken care of as well. Hang in there. It does get better.
ETA: You cannot create bad habits in a newborn. Let her sleep wherever she safely falls asleep. Do whatever you need to do soothe her and don't worry about setting a trend or expectation. Habits cannot be created for the first 2 months.
Also, get the book Baby 411. It covers all basic infant care and is written by a pediatrician. Its a great resource and you can quickly find answers to your questions.
Don't worry about starting bad habits right now. Just do whatever works in the beginning. It's really hard for brand-new babies to sleep on their own. For the first two weeks my daughter slept in my husband's arms. After that, she would fall asleep swaddled in the swing with her pacifier and white noise until she was three months old. After she was solidly asleep, we would move her to the co-sleeper. By six months, she STTN in her own bed, with no swaddle or pacifier for help.
Things you can try right now: swaddle, swing, carseat, paci, white noise, co-sleeping. Good luck.
It's usually a good month before babies start to recognize the difference between day and night. I know for a while, Lucy wanted to be up between 2am and 6am. So fun! :0 She now is a great sleeper and this time does go by SO quickly.
Definitely don't wake your baby up during the day unless she needs to eat--it seems counter intuitive, but the better they sleep during the day, the better they will at night. Keeping a baby up (especially a brand newborn) will only result in a cranky baby and frustrated parents. To gently help her recognize the difference between day and night, try and make sure she gets some sunlight each day (walks are great for this!) and keep her napping environment different (noises, light, etc.) from her night environment. White sound machines can be helpful here, too.
I'd also skip the pacifier at this stage and just feed her. If she's waking at 2-ish hours, she's probably hungry and needs to eat. It's just part of the gig at this point, but again, this gets easier in the coming months.
I'm sorry you received that advice from your pediatrician. He's full of crap, sadly. Letting a baby cry it out at this age, even for short periods, can cause long-term harm. Listen to those mama instincts, they won't let you down!
I really like Dr. Sears and found his baby book really helpful. It's reassuring to know what's developmentally normal and I find he takes a very gently approach to parenting, which feels right to me.
Hang in there and absolutely sleep when she does. At this point, everything should come second to your and your baby's well being. House work can wait. You need your rest.
Oh! And you might find that bed sharing works for the first while. Just make sure you do it safely, which means baby next to mom (not between mom and dad), making sure baby can't fall off bed or become wedged between the bed and the wall/headboard and keeping pillows and blankets away from baby.If you want baby between you guys, the Snuggle Nest works well.
We bed shared until DD was 2 months--she just needed that closeness at night and we all got much better sleep. She now sleeps 7-9 hour stretches in her bassinet and will be transitioning to her own room soon. Again, time has just FLOWN by. I can't believe how big our baby girl is getting and it makes me sad that she will soon be out of our room. Enjoy those sweet newborn cuddles while you can get them.
This!
Agree, if they don't nap during the day they don't sleep well at night. It took a while before my baby new night and day. Every night she would be up at 4am wide eyed for a few hours. Its hard but it will get better.