- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Postpartum Depression
sapphire angel
member
More Children...
sapphire angel
member
This was our first child and FI has already asked about more. My feelings on the matter right now are 'heck no, I never want to go through this misery again.' Is this just the depression talking?
Before getting pregnant we had decided on 2-3 children each about 2-3 years apart. Now, I told him that I could be perfectly happy if the birth control we chose ended up being permanent. I know I wanted more children before this pregnancy ever happened but now...I hated being pregnant, I hated having to be on my own during pregnancy, I hated not being able to eat when I was hungry from the nausea in 3rd tri, I hated being so tired and not being able to go anywhere because I would get too tired from walking around, I hated being on bedrest at the end for pre-eclampsia (and it wasn't even true bedrest I had to get up and get my own food and drinks), I never wanted the c-section, and by the way he slept through the first half of the labor and I vaguely recall a movie he was watching as he held my hand through the second half of the day. I hate that I've lost all the baby weight and yet can't get my pants over my thighs. As If I wasn't already fat enough before getting pregnant, I'm now at least two sizes bigger than I was.
Of course he wants to do it again. He didn't do anything! He wasn't miserable for the last three months. He's promised me it won't be the same with the next pregnancy. That he would be here with me during the pregnancy but I am having a lot of trouble believing him. I'm pretty sure I'll end up on bedrest a lot sooner. I'll probably have GD next time. I was borderline with this pregnancy. I'll have to take off from school so I'll lose my income as a grad student. I'll need another c-section and we'll have a toddler running around that will still need to be cared for. How is the next pregnancy going to be easier for me?
Please tell me this is the depression talking. Will I change my mind once we find a medicine that works for me? He looks so disappointed when we discussed this and asked if we could adopt a little boy instead of another biological child. Why isn't our daughter good enough for him? I feel like I suffered through all the above and he's disappointed with me and DD.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: More Children...
you can barely afford to take care of yourselves now, thinking about another child should be the last thing on your minds. i think he's asking WAY too much of you, he shouldn't even be bringing it up. he needs to get a job and make sure that you're happy before you broach the topic again.
don't have a baby to make somebody happy, have a baby because you want and can care for a baby.
as for your fears, i felt like i never wanted to get pregnant again when DS1 was very young, but eventually things got better and i felt like i could handle it all again.
ETA: if my DH had asked me for another kid when i had a 6 week old i would have punched him in the nads.
You have a six week old. Even in the best of circumstances, I think it's totally normal to be quite unsure about planning the next baby.
Give yourself some time. There's absolutely no rush to decide anything right now.
We plan on having more children despite me having a tough pregnancy, but we won't be TTC for at least a couple years. I certainly have no interest in talking about specifics around future kids right now.
I can completely relate--from the pre-e (I ended up with HELLP Syndrome at nearly 42 weeks gestation), to the emergency c-section, to the PPD. We are not having any more children--but that was my DH's idea to begin with.
Honestly, I would say that the way you are feeling is a culmination of everything. As your baby gets older, does more and becomes more fun (and a wee-bit less work), these feelings may fade some.
To me, the bigger issue is your FI. Personally, and I know (because I've seen it here on the Bump) that not everyone feels the same way, but I would not have any more babies with a man until we were legally wed. Beyond that, of course he's ready and rearing to go for number two--he's done little to nothing for number one! I would make sure that he is doing all that he can (and then some) for your DD and then wait. Make sure that these are changes that are made for the long haul. Plus, you are young, there is no need to rush into having another child (unlike advanced-maternal-age me).
This is not a decision that you need to make today or tomorrow. Get better, enjoy your daughter, finish grad school, get married--enjoy the life that you have NOW.
I'm sorry that you have gone through all that you have. Its been a rough road. As I mentioned, I've been down that path (I spent, basically, 42 weeks in bed because I never felt good). It will get better. I started to really feel like myself again, physically and emotionally, at about 3 months. Hang in there, you can do this!