Switched to FF and feeling really guilty about it

Crissyjo30 · March 2010

We were doing so good with RF....DD is 20 months, super tall, and was handling her legs being folded just fine. But the last couple of weeks she started ripping her hair out when she was RF. She would get upset and yell "Momma OUT!" and obviously I couldnt do anything, and when I got her out she would have handfuls of hair. I can deal with screaming and crying, but not that. My poor baby! Now she is FF and so, so happy....but I am feeling so guilty about it. I really wanted to make it to 2!

Mama Jan · March 2010

Aw, it sounds like this was better for her!

I'm a huge extended RF advocate but there comes a time when it really is time to turn them around. I definitely understand though. DS hit the RF weight limit at 20mo and I still felt guilty turning him FF.

goodheartedmommy · March 2010

To me, it's just another thing for a kid to throw a fit about--it doesn't mean they should get their way. DD1 threw fits on and off until shortly after 2 in the car--but she threw fits about a lot of other things, and I'm just not going to give into her fits, especially something that's a safety issue. If she was throwing a fit to do something else unsafe, I wouldn't let her just because she's screaming. Turn her back around, and let her throw her fit!

EuroChick · March 2010

I would have done the same thing to be honest. I know about the safety risks but at a certain point you need to be realistic too...

6fsn · March 2010

I would have done the same thing. Pulling out clumps of hair is more than just a screaming/crying fit.

cbwm · March 2010

Areyoufuckingserious??

The fact that her child was tearing out clumps of her own hair was just another "fit"??

You're getting a MAJOR side eye and a bit case of WTF from me.

It's one thing to throw a fit. It's another thing for a child to physically hurt herself over something like this. She was *clearly* very emotionally upset to pull her own hair out.

KMLP · March 2010

Feel good about your decision because it sounds like your daughter is much happier. This is why we switched DS to FF at 13 months. He was screaming and having huge crying fits every time he was in the car for more than 5 minutes. Once we turned him around, that stopped and things have been much better.

KMLP · March 2010

If your child was tearing out handfuls of hair because she was so angry from RF, you would honestly let that continue?? I'm sorry, but that is a little much.

IckyThump · March 2010

Don't feel guilty! DS is still RFing, but only because he has no problems with it. When he starts throwing tantrums and screaming is when I switch to FF. You just have to do what works for you and your child, and RFing wasn't anymore.

IckyThump · March 2010

You did see that her DD is 20 months old, right?! At 10 months it's a battle worth fighting, but not when they're well past the age/weight requirements for FFing.

EDD36JJM · March 2010

Mine is still RF because he is fine with it and I want to keep him that way until 2 at least. My niece is FF and a few months younger. She would scream and cry until she threw up. Now my niece and sister are very happy! Most children I know after the age of one are FF. I have kept mine RF in hopes we will all stay happy for a while. I do not knock you for turning your child around by any means.

mabst196 · March 2010

Oh please, step down from your damn_ soapbox woman! The kid is pulling fist fulls of hair out and she's almost 2.

DarthNBJenni · March 2010

It's also a safety issue when your child is screaming, pulling out hair, and you are trying to drive. An undistracted driver is safer. Don't feel guilty - and I'm sure if it weren't for this board, you wouldn't. I FF my girls at 13 months and haven't looked back.

JOEBunny · March 2010

Don't feel guilty. I don't know anyone IRL who keeps there little one rear facing past 20 pounds/1 year. A few seem to be starting to, but it is very uncommon. I recently read a study about seat belts instead of car seats after 2 years that indicated car seats, even forward facing ones, were not really safer for kids over 2, with only a slight increase in minor injury prevention. It was in a book or I would site it. England doesn't even have rear facing seats for children over one year, unless they have added them in the last couple of years.

I kept DD rear facing until 28 months, but she did not weigh 20 pounds until then, which is the law in my state. Your baby is still very safe.

DarthNBJenni · March 2010

Wow! What a little peanut

LondonBridges · March 2010

I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better, we did make it to two (just barely b/c of his weight), and I still feel really guilty about it.

Lucky_Dragonfly · March 2010

You did it as long as you could and while her safety is number one her happiness is #2.

lauren&matt · March 2010

Why do kids hate being RF? I figure, my dd doesn't know any different... I just don't get what they would *hate* about it so much if it's all they know...

Not judging... if my dd was pulling out her hair, I would do whatever it took to get her to stop. (within reason of course. And ff at 20 months is within reason, IMO) Just curious. dd is RF and is fine with it.... it's all she knows. She still gets a nice view...

JAC1027 · March 2010

Who knows? Why do some kids hate green beans and some love them? Everyone has their preferences.

ameliasmom · March 2010

Smartest thing said here yet.

lisaroo · March 2010

Um, this is ridiculous. She feels bad enough, her kid is pulling out hair, and 20 months old! I have a LOT of mom friends, and I don't know a single one of them that waited that long to turn their kids.

We turned DD a few weeks ago because her fits were getting to the point where it was more dangerous of a distraction for me driving than turning her. Car rides have been much happier for all involved since

prettypinkypeonies · March 2010

oh jeepers christmas. do you not realize that having a screaming kid WHO IS RIPPING OUT HER OWN HAIR, is a motherf'ing safety issue, too? It's called distracted driving. You've got to do what you've got to do.

goodness gracious, get a grip OP. Get an f'ing grip.

edit: SORRY I didn't mean OP. I mean GHM! SORRY!!

melissaandgreg · March 2010

we ff dd at 13 months and it was the best decision for us! she screamed her head off everytime she was rf. in fact, she hated the car seat from the beginning. it becomes a safety hazard when they are screaming ,crying uncontrollably! when i ff her, it was much better! she still HATES the car but we have a dvd player which makes trips more bareable. she will never ever fall asleep in the car. someone asked why they dont like rf, well- every child is different but dd likes to be able to see me even if it was the back of my head

Mjmksb04 · March 2010

I switched my DS at 14 months to FF for similar reasons. It was to where I would have to spend 5 minutes trying to wrestle him in the seat each time I needed him to sit there. In the middle of winter, that is not fun for either of us. And then he would brace his feet against the back of the seat and I would have to figure out how to manipulate him in to sitting down. I know the safety risks of having him FF at this age and my goal was to have him RF until age 2, but it just didn't work out that way. Its easy for people on these boards to be high and mighty about RFing when they aren't the one dealing with constant tantrums.

MrsTotty · March 2010

::HEADDESK::

I'm just not even going to go there.

murphyec · March 2010

You did the right thing, I would have done the same. I am taking RFing one day at a time. So far DS doesn't mind it, but when that changes, he will be turned around.

erbear · March 2010

Is this a joke? You're a dumbass.

OP, it sounds like you did the right thing. Don't feel guilty!

kelbrian · March 2010

She is ripping her hair out. That's not a fit - that's something to be concerned about. Did your child ever rip her hair out in the car every single time you put her in her car seat? If not, then I think you need to STFU.

I would be so distracted by my child's screaming that I would not be able to drive properly, and THAT is a huge safety issue. Her child is almost two. Get off her back. Get off everyone else's back, too. Rear facing is like your own frigging Denali.

esutton76 · March 2010

We ff ds at 12 months and it was the best decision for us too. His poor legs were so squished and he cried every single time we got in the car. When we switched from rf to ff, he was so happy and hasn't cried in the car since. He loves car rides and is much happier now.

Rubygirl · March 2010

Superfreakonomics? If so, I read that as well. What they didn't account for was RFing safety. Their comparison was only between FFing toddlers and seat belts. I really wanted to contact the authors to find out more on this study.

In any case, I agree with the OP that she did the right thing. I'm an RF advocate, but not at the expense of your child harming herself.

jsugrin · March 2010

Your poor DD, you definitely did the right thing. As far as feeling guilty, I think that when we don't reach whatever timetable we've got in our own heads that no matter what the reason it's just natural to feel guilty. As my oldest came up on two I started to get so stressed about turning him and then realized I could leave him because his weight was ok, then as that started to creep up I just felt rotten at the thought of turning him. I had this rediculous desire for him to stay RF until he brother could be turned also, so not going to happen. Out of the blue we had to change him last week and I still feel guilty that he's FF but it's for the best. He was starting to melt down after an hour in the car and he was just over it.

PhilsWife07 · March 2010

I totally understand as we are trying to RF as long as possible and I'm sure I'd feel guilty too if we didn't at least make it to two. But try not to beat yourself up about it. I'm sure you are disappointed, but making it to 20 months is a great accomplishment. Most of the time I roll my eyes at the "my child throws a fit while RF now" comments, but in your case it sounds like there is a genuine concern for your daughter's safety considering her harmful behavior. I think you did the right thing for you and your child.

preg_amy · March 2010

You don't believe that, do you? You think after 2, kids should just be able to use regular seat belts? Please tell me I'm reading that wrong.

And yeah, ripping out of the hair definitely requires a switch around and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Regular crying is one thing, but self-harm is a whole different thing. I also think car sickness is included in that, regular vomitting is not something I could deal with.

But I do think it's funny that there are parents on here who say things like "we were fully ready to rear face until 2 years, but she was so sad rear facing, that we turned her around at 13 months." And these were the same parents who let their kids CIO. I don't understand the difference when it's okay to let your kid cry. I would think that if you can stand your kid crying to sleep, you could stand your kid crying to make them 5 times safer in the car.

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