- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Harness as a punishment?
I don't want to start another leash/harness war, but I'm sincerely wondering how you feel about using a Harness such as the Child Harness by Liberte' or a backpack harness on a child that is not cooperating or keeps wandering.
I'm not very fond of them for general use. But I've had it suggested to me (including by social workers) to have on hand should my child have a "bad day" and decide she doesn't want to stay with me.
I'm in a wheelchair in an urban area. I did relocate this month to a safer area (traffic wise) but I'm concerned about having a toddler that has a "bad day" and decides she doesn't want to walk side-by-side. If I'm in the manual wheelchair I can't just hold her hand since I need both hands to wheel. if she decided to walk into a street, I can't just chase her the way an able-bodied parent could... I'd have to find a curb-cut to get to the street, which isn't always as easy as it should be.
the logic of using a harness ONLY as a punishment seems logical IMO to teach her she has to stay with me if she doesn't want to be over-limited in what she could do...I've talked to others in wheelchairs who used this method and found it better then time-outs later, spankings, etc and they rarely had to use it...
A service dog (mobility assist) would be another option to be with us, and to be trained to keep both of us safe, but they can cost $10,000 for a well-trained dog and the wait is typically 18months - 2+ years... a harness would be a whole lot cheaper.
I've just never liked seeing kids with them. I can see the case of like a child with Autism in one - I've worked with kids on the spectrum and it IS hard to teach some about danger. or ASD kids getting startled/scared and just running. it seems legit.
If it wasn't for the wheelchair, I'd NEVER consider it. but living in an urban area and knowing how hard it can be to quickly get off a sidewalk - THAT is what scares me. no so much going inside stores etc with her wandering.
I am active, do adaptive sports, maneuver a chair quite well (power and manual) so the issue isn't so much that I can't keep up with a kid. It's just barriers like sidewalk curbs that make me nervous since the streets could be dangerous. Oh, and I exclusively use public transit so I'm always on sidewalks/the street - not driving with little sidewalk use besides when parking...
Can I get honest opinions on the issue without starting a huge debate?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Harness as a punishment?
I hope this doesn't turn into something nasty.
When we were kids, if we didn't stick close to my mother, she made us walk with our hands on the cart or stroller. I don't know why we didn't just refuse to do that and run off, but I guess we were better than most.
I don't see putting a leash/harness on a child when they're not listening to safety instructions (especially given that you can't get up and run after them) as a bad thing. I see no problems with it at all.
Personally I would not use one. However, if I were where you are and in a wheel chair I think I would do it without a second thought. The danger is just too great for your LO to dart away and unlike someone who can walk and chase them down you really cant do that.
However, in addition I would also had a loop rope onto your wheel chair that you can get your Lo used to just holding. Knowing that it is the rule that when we are here you have to hold onto this loop.
In your situation, it makes sense. It's a safety issue. And I'll personally smack the first person who starts going off on your ability to be a parent because it does. Adapting to make sure your child is safe is the smart and responsible thing to do, so I'd say Go For It!
I let my DS walk around the neighborhood/take the train or bus and he has to hold my hand...but there are times he's stubborn and takes off and if I was in a wheelchair I can see how it would be very difficult to go after them. In your situation I would say safety is key!
I think with your situation it would be the best way to keep everyone safe.
You could start off using it, but teach the child to have a hand on the arm of the wheel chair. As the child gets older and understands what it needs to do, then slowly start removing the harness as a reward for good day, then transition to only using it when they have a bad day.
You have to do what you can to keep you and the child safe.
this is exactly what we did. or we got spanked when we got home.
I'm not personally fond of spanking, and when you're 2 or 3, I don't see "time out" as effective if its not done then and there. and I'm not gunna like sit in a sidewalk (that my kid just ran off of!) having time-out.
in a powerchair, I can make her hold my hand - I think. depends on her size cuz I don't obviously want her too close to the wheels. my chair is 260lbs!
I prefer a manual chair so I don't loose my upper body strength. there isn't a safe surface on that chair for a kid to hold while walking next to me... I'll use slings/wraps til she's too big, and I had my seating repositioned so the lap space is longer so she can sit on my lap, but I don't think that its always ideal to make her sit. I know first-hand that lack of muscle use isn't good and I'd hate to have my physical limitations affect her, yanno???
IMO, you need to do what you need to do to keep your child safe. If you and your partner decide that a harness/backpack is the best way to go about it while you are teaching your child what is an isn't acceptable behavior and know that the child understands and will abide by your rules, then you've made the right decision for *your* family.
Any other opinion doesn't matter.
yeah, I'm waiting for the new chair, so I'll have to find a safe spot on the frame her...
this will be the model I'm getting (different color/fabric):
so the hard part is keeping a kid close, but away from the turning wheels. I have a hard enough time wheeling and not tangling my IV lines in the wheels. EEK!
I'd hate to have her behind me. I don't typically use armrests. it adds weight to the chair and they are in my way, but I guess I could use the swingaway kind like on this chair if it's something she can hold... or that I can attach something to...
I just don't want some stranger in public yelling at me for using one, when I'm doing it for safety, NOT because I'm too lazy to chase my kid...
In your particular situation, I don't see where there would be any problem with it. You are doing it not solely as a 'punishment' per se, but out of concern for your child's safety and welfare. In your situation, I'm sure your child will learn their boundaries more quickly and easily than children whose parents are more able to chase their child.
As far as the leader dog, I have to agree, the $10,000 cost for a well-trained dog as well as the waiting list and upkeep is simply not as feasible an option as a harness for your child. Also, you have to work very extensively with those dogs to bond them as "pack" members, which is hard under the best of circumstances.
Interestingly, I know several parents in chairs that have said this about their child - the child KNOWS there is danger in not staying by a parent and doesn't tend to "play games" when it comes to safety. I'm hoping mine is the same way...
of course if I had a dog, I'd use him for a lot more then keeping the kid safe. service dogs are awesome - just the cost doesn't seem realistic since I'd need a big dog for mobility assist (like a lab). feeding it alone would cost a ton.
Hi there -
My husband uses a manual wheelchair, so this is definitely something we are starting to think about, especially for those times when he might be out alone with our child. I think it makes sense if you're out on busy roads with a toddler!
We found a website, which you might be aware of, run by an organization called Through the Looking Glass - I ordered a book "Adaptive Baby Care Equipment" that has ideas on everything from cribs, to baths, to carriers... and I think some harnesses. They have a few things specifically for manual wheelchair users.
I'm curious what you've discovered in terms of cribs? We are just starting to look, but would really like to find something that DH can use easily! I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts, if you want to send me a PM or respond here. Best wishes to you!
1. I don't think anyone would ever judge you for finding a safe way to parent your child in a city from a wheelchair... and if there is a jerk who would- they probably would be the same ones who would be judging your for having a child at all... and you know where they and their opinions can go rot.
2. I agree with Renee's line of thinking... I think it's great that you are thinking about this now- but you have over a year before this comes close to being an issue... every child will have a different personality- but a lot of that is shaped by their parents and their enviornment... my kids who grew up on a farm- are street smart around animals and electric fence... and a kid who grew up in the city will probably have a different set of skills for keeping safe- the highest priorities in their life will be the ones that get reinforced. I think a child who grows up alongside your wheelchair will have a very different respect for your wheelchair and the boundaries you have set- than a kid who didn't... so I wouldn't look at other people's kids and wonder, "OMG- how am I going to deal with THAT?" because other people's kids weren't raised by a parent using a wheelchair- I doubt that your child would act the same way.