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Stay at Home Moms
What to say to Mom?
My mother keeps asking me when I'm going back to work. Don't get me wrong, she's supportive that I am SAH with DD but she thinks that I am wasting my degree and will let my license expire if I continue to SAH. She keeps offering to watch DD in the evenings "in case I want to pick up some hours". DH and I decided a while back that I would take time off of work to SAH with DD and possibly have more children and this works great for our family. We can afford it and since DH is gone quite a bit for work, it allows one parent to be here with DD. I love SAH with her and have no intentions of returning to work anytime soon. My mother asks me this EVERY time I talk to her- whether it's on the phone, in person or by internet. My responses to her have been, "When I'm ready to go back to work I'll let you know", "This is what works best for us", etc and I've also done the just smile and nod thing but she insists on asking me this all the time. What do I tell her to shut it? Thanks!!
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Re: What to say to Mom?
Why don't you just say what you said to us: "I love SAH with her and have no intentions of returning to work anytime soon."
Then, if she still isn't getting the hint, tell her not to ask you again.
My family pestered me a lot about this, too. I finally said, "I'm going back to work when DD stops being cute. You tell me as soon as you notice it happening."
I swear, they haven't said a word about it since!
LOL! Super cute siggy pic; though the baby sitting up in the upper corner scared me a bit at first
Can you address it with her? Maybe go out for lunch or coffee or something and say "Mom, listen. I notice that you bring up the topic of my going back to work on a rather regular basis, and I just wanted you to know that I am not, for quite some time. DH and I have discussed our plans for our family and this is the path we are choosing to follow. I appreciate your concerns for my license/career/degree/whatever, but our priorities are focused on expanding and raising our family. When it's time for me to return to the workforce, I promise you will be the first to know (after DH)."
if she is anything like my mom-she won't get the hint even if you tell her every time that you are happy staying home. you could point out that if you worked your entire paycheck would go straight to daycare. or i have used the line "i am working-i'm raising your two wonderful grandchildren-it will take awhile."
i think for my mom it comes from the fact that she stayed home and raised us for the early years and then she struggled to get into the work force etc. or just a work ethic difference? my mom is retired and still substitute teaches and thinks "she has to work." which no she does not!
She keeps asking because you make it sound like it could happen anytime.
Tell her you plan to go back when your kids are all in school (or whatever your plans are).
I have 2 masters degrees. I understand her concern about "wasted" education, though I don't agree that it was a waste. My mom always worked and I think she feels it's a personal affront that I chose to stay home (even though I still work p/t it doesn't count in her mind).
Give her a more set timeline - 'when i want to' could mean next week. I would tell her something like, when DD is in school or something to that effect so she knows it's not going to be tomorrow. If she hassles you about it, tell her it's your decision and you are deciding to stay home indefinitely, so lay off.
Next time she asks, ask her why she is asking you. Put the ball back to her.
Then go from there. Explain as you did here.
But, I'm not sure what your field is - if you think you might ever go back to work in your field - I would keep your license current. You never know when something unexpected might happen and you need to work again too. Just my thoughts.