- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Austin Babies
I'll admit it.
I've told my husband what is going on with austxgrl. We've talked about her story. Prayed for her together. Been thankful for the blessings in our life and bewildered why others have to walk such a more difficult path. And if he had been friends with Mr. Austxgrl, even just years ago, I have no doubt that he would send him a text now to reach out. And I challenge anyone on this board to honestly say they haven't told their husbands, or that their husband wouldn't do the same.
I know both girls. I don't know the whole story from either side and I doubt any of us ever will. I think we can all agree that the ENTIRE situation is so EFF'd UP and so, so heartbreaking. I think the best we can do is stay out of it, resist jumping to any conclusions based on what we are hearing, and try our best to keep it off the boards.
Dear Bump: You suck.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'll admit it.
Oh, of course I've talked to DH about it. When he sees me crying at the computer over a Nest post, he's gonna ask questions.
But I never give a name. I don't even know her name. Its always, A Girl On A Message Board. I'm assuming the drama was about a lot more than just someone's DH reaching out.
I've talked to my husband about a "gal on the boards who is going through IF and just did IVF" and I can honestly say that if Jay knew LA's husband, he would not reach out because Jay is such an introvert about hard topics. He'd be there for anyone in the entire world, he'd lend you money if you needed it, he'd build you a house, he'd mow your yard, but he is not good w/ the talking.
Anyway, I don't know both girls, so I'm curious (haven't read more of austx's post) and really weirded out that someone would stick their noses into someone else's business if they didn't want them there and have been told to stay out.
I would have told my DH not to say anything to anyone if we knew them IRL though.
I would like to hear the full story.
ETA: I've never said names or anything either.
The Blog
Yes, but what you told your husband would most likely not cause HARM to an already horrible situation. I don't know what he sent him, but I'm guessing he wasn't "reaching out" as it's causing more issues.
Ditto Joyco.
My DH wouldn't say anything. Especially when every post of Austxgrl's begins with..."Please don't say anything"
:: raises hand ::
This. DH and I have said prayers for folks going through hard times on this board. But we have discussed that it's within our circle of trust until the person IRL says something to him about it.
I disagree, and I don't say that in defense of anyone. DH is hardly aware of what occurs in the boards. He has met a few nesties and their DHs IRL, but they are still "my nesties". There have been situations that have come up where maybe DH could have offered support, but he is a more don't-get-involved-in-other's-business kinda guy. It goes along the don't-gossip guidelines (that he's much better at, btw).
I agree that there are two whole sides that will never match up, and a mess has definitely been made of crossing sides, but I don't agree that it could have happened to any of us.
This is not the first time she has done this to her/them. I think she needed to mind her own business and not get her self or her husband involved in what is going on without first checking with LA to see if it would be ok. I consider LA and D very good friends of ours and I would NEVER feel that it was OK to go butting in to what is going on in their lives without checking with the person who trusted the people on this board enough to share such an emotional situation that she is going through.
ETA: The fact that she posted under my name, because she wanted it kept private... Ohhh I don't know, could that have been a RED FLAG to not say anything?
this
I have told my husband that a girl who's been very supportive of me on here is going through a very, very hard time. My husband would never, ever have contacted someone that I learned something about on here. He's very anti-drama. He runs from it like he does the Louis Vuitton store at the Domain.
I just wonder what harm LA's posting on here does to her DH. None of us know him, none of us are going to serve on a hypothetical jury in a divorce hearing, none of us are his boss. What's the harm in a woman in a bad place trying to get support from a board of women who have followed her journey to get pregnant against all odds? What's the harm in us just hearing LA's side of the story and giving her support based on that? Why did her DH need to know that she was talking about it on here? What purpose did it serve to call attention to the fact that she told the board about it?
This!
Me too.
Of course most of us have told our husbands(for me it was also "a girl on the nest") but I know for a fact my husband would not reach out to her DH if he knew him IRL. Now maybe if they were currently friends *MAYBE* he would reach out to say "hey is everything ok?" But that would be it. He does not get involved where he does not belong.
Anyway, I also *know* both people, not every well though. I can not be impartial because of my past dealings with one of them. So all I will say is I hope her intentions were not malicious, but it does not sound like that is the case.
Of course I've told DH. I've asked him to pray for this situation and lots of others. I feel like other people have helped and prayed for us, and I'm thankful for that. I'd like to help others in their times of need too.
But, what we (DH and I) talk about is private between us and even though he knows several nestie DH's IRL, I can guarantee that he's never said anything, called, texted, etc.
I also consider what I say on this board to be private too, although we all know it's public. For the most part, I feel safe coming here for support and I would hope others would too. Obviously, it doesn't always work out that way and it makes me sad.
me either on this particular subject. On other things, it's been "this girl on that online board..."
MH and I met them at a GTG and talked about our IF struggles, so I didn't even think twice to keep him updated on what was going on with them. He would NEVER have contacted either of them about it though, and I would have DIED and gotten really pissed if he did.
However, I have no idea who this person is or what her intent was - it sounds like it was her husband that butted in, not her - maybe she trusted him not to do that? Obviously, if this has happened in the past, I understand why people are pissed at her at doubt that is the case. IDK enough about the situation to make a judgment, so I'll leave that up to the people who do. Regardless, it really sucks.
I agree.
Of course DH would never text a fellow bumpie-husband, not even the husbands he's met through the board that he's now friendly with. But if it were an old friend of his...it just seems like that's something he would do on his own, like Ducky said. I don't govern my husband's actions with his friends, current or old.
I guess my point is that 99% of us (you are either stronger or just less talkative than the rest of us, MrsMillertime) have told our husbands. And of course you would use real names if the people were old off-the-board friends of yours.
Like I said, I don't think any of us know the whole entirely of what happened. And while it is inevitable that opinions are going to be formed and changed, I'm not sure that rabble rousing is how the rest of us should respond to what is going on.
This is one of the big reasons I have not attended many GTGs. I love being able to come here and talk/vent/seek support and advice about my life without having to worry about it affecting my personal life.
I have not had a lot of girl friends IRL since I was in college. Sorority girls really made me see how many awful back-stabbing girls there really are and I have been very cautious about the girls I let in my life ever since.
I love this board b/c I feel like I am friends with a number of mature, intellegent women who have always been there for one another. I am kind of sad to see that there are is a lot of drama going on "behind the scenes". Yes, I have talked about things to my DH, but he would never get involved. Even if it were our IRL best friends. Anyway, IDK where I am going with this, I only wanted to say that I hope this is a big misunderstanding and there was no malicious intent to hurt.
Our Blog
this is one reason I was not pleased to hear the BB show was reading our posts on the radio. It really reminds you that this is NOT private. And thus another reason for wanting a private board.
Creepy.
I also know both parties involved and it still makes me sad because I feel like austxgirl has already gone through so much and feel like this may have been her one safe place to vent, etc. It just makes me sad for her. That's all. I would have hoped that, were I in a similar situation as austxgirl, I would have been able to post things on here asking for support from my internet "friends" and for those who weren't my friend to just ignore my posts.
I know there is a lot of history with this - and probably a lot of sides to the story - but my heart is still breaking for LA because I cannot even begin to understand how hard this has been on her and I'm sure that this board was part of her support system.
I guess it just goes to show that nothing we read or post on here is ever private.
Me too. It's none of his business, esp. since he's not the praying type.
I agree with this. I also feel like shenanigans like these have happened before between different people and it is really inappropriate, regardless of the public nature of the information shared here.
Yeah. This is probably what happened. The couple thought they were closer friends with LA and D than she and he thought they were.
My DH and I know them IRL. I have told him and we have been praying for them. They are not close friends, so my DH nor I would ever overstep a boundary where we would contact either one of them in such a manner. But if they were our close friends, I would not see anything wrong with contacting either one out of concern.
So yeah, we feel for them. It is a very difficult time. I am sad that she is having to endure the stress of a break-up, too. I feel like it is cruel and that it is too much for any one person to bear.
This, exactly.
In my bag: Canon 60D, 50mm 1.4, Tamron 28-75 2.8, 430exii