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Blended Families
Should the non-custodial parent help with extra $$?
I'm curious to get your thoughts on this.
Bm has asked dh to split the cost of summer camp for the skids, because it's "an extra expense that goes above and beyond child support." If we split it with her, it will be close to $600 extra.
Bm does not need the money, she can afford to send the skids to summer camp regardless of whether dh contributes, but it sounds like she thinks that he should have to split any expensive costs with her, even though he pays child support every month.
What do you think?
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Re: Should the non-custodial parent help with extra $$?
the CO says that he only pays extra when medical bills exceed a certain dollar amount per month.
and yes, he really does pay enough child support.
and we do already pay for some extras. bm hasn't taken them for a haircut in eight years, we have to provide some clothes, and we have always paid for lessons (trumpet, gymnastics, whatever) that they take on our weekends. i was just curious what ppl thought about an "extra" expense being asked for simply because bm thinks he should have to split it.
In our CO my DH is responsible for 50% of child care costs. Summer camp is considered child care in MI so my DH does pay for 50% of camp above what his regular CS is.
My SS is 11 and we have to pay for overnight camp. BM picked a camp that was $1000 per week and signed him up for a 3 week session. We have to pay 50%.
Seriously?? Doesnt DH have a say in what camp your SS attends?? If it is that much PLUS CS, I would have a real issue with that... Wow.
Since the CO says child care, and we know that it includes camp costs my DH doesn't have a choice unless he goes back to court. He should have a say about what camp it is, but BM already sold my SS on this camp and he is beyond excited about it (it's amazing and it should be at that cost). It's not worth it to my DH to go to court over this, so we will do it.
We might have to figure out something in advance for next year, because it's pricey for only 3 weeks of camp and we really aren't in a position to do this every year as of right now.
I think that you should not be obligated to pay anything extra but what is stated in CO. I agree that Child support is meant to help pay for whatever is needed.
We go by what CO says. We provide clothes and everything that we want while the SD is with us (EOW, SUMMER). BM had called in the past asking money for clothes, but she would not get anything extra, and if she did we would send few outfits with the child ( no tags attached either!), my MIL would send few outfits too..but that is only if she wanted to...
depends-DH really does pay enough but BM isn't setting the world on fire-so DH pays all childcare and summer camp (CO says split). B-day parties are split, so are major purchases but DH taking the majority of the financial responsibility makes me sigh sometimes, mostly because it just seems expected/entitled but guess it's because he can-worries me if he ever makes less.
As a custodial parent I would not ask the non-custodial to pay anything extra for a time when DS is on my time. Anything extra I think my kid would benefit from gets paid by me (ie martial arts, tutoring, etc). CS would be used for that because that is what it is for. My kid is not my freaking meal ticket.
The recommended CO says that DS can participate in extracurricular activities but depending on whose time it would fall on is who would pay for it. If I wanted him to go to summer camp I'd pay. If STBX wanted him to go then he would be responsible.
Kind of a sore subject for me because I don't get a dime anyways.
thanks for the feedback ladies! it makes me feel a little better about wanting to tell bm no. bm is doing better than we are financially and it really bugs me that she asks for extra money just because she thinks that dh should split the cost of expensive items.
We pay a ridiculously excessive amount of CS so no, we don't pay for any extras on top of CS. Now, when we had the boys one summer for 30 days, they did want to go to a couple outdoor camps and since WE got the child support for those 30 days, we used money from the CS to send them to the camps. (and of course we didn't ask BM to contribute anything.)
That hasn't stopped BM from telling DH over the years that he should contribute even MORE money to stuff when the kids are with her and her H. DH finally told her to NEVER ask for more money again and to quit telling the kids to call and ask for more money. (she used to make the boys call and ask for all SORTS of money for things - it was insane.)
IMO, typically that kind of thing should be covered by CS.
If the CP wants help from the NCP, though, the NCP should be consulted beforehand and should be involved in the decision. There should never be a "oh, I signed the kids up for summer camp and now I want $$ to cover half of it."
IMO, all things being equal, child support contributes to the average day to day needs of the child, housing, food, clothing, field trips, day care, etc.
So I do think that absent major financial doucheocity in the child support order, both parents should contribute above child support to activities in which the child wishes to participate but is above day to day needs. This, imo, would include camp. However, the decision to do these things should be made between both parents.
Because I don't believe any child has the inherent right or absolute need to spend three weeks in the mountains, I don't agree with one parent wholesale saying, the kid is going here, pony up your share.
How is that for playing both sides? If the parents can't agree, the kid doesn't go. It's that simple.
But I think it's absolutely silly for either side to pretend camp is so necessary to a child that one side demands the other shell out the scratch or the other insists that well, child support is meant to cover that.
Click me, click me!
This.
If you feel uncomfortable handing the money over to BM to pay, just pay directly to the camp. This is something my husband would definitely do for his daughter, and I think all decisions should really be done not to spite the BM, but so that the kids thrive.
We split braces payments for my stepdaughter, even though we pay for her dental insurance (and actually BM should be paying for that) and we always buy clothes, food, etc if she needs it.
I admit that I'm lucky that my stepdaughter has a wonderful mom who stays out of my life with my husband and everyone is just in support of my stepdaughter, but I think that both sides have to try to do whats best for the kid, and I think summer camps are really enriching for a child.