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Trying to Get Pregnant
treble_clef
member
How do you handle jealousy?
treble_clef
member
Hi everyone,
I posted the same question on the other board, but I wanted to get your insights.
I've been trying to have a 2nd baby for a year. I had a miscarriage 6 months ago. With my first son, it took me 3 years to successfully get pregnant. I had a miscarriage then too.
Now I found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd. She wanted to have her kids 3 years apart, and it's happening as she planned. I feel very jealous. She seems to have everything I want right now. I was jealous to begin with about her flexible job, her lifestyle and everything, but she gets to be pregnant as she planned on top of that...
I know the grass is greener on the other side, and there are more unfortunate people than I am, but I just want to know what you do when you feel jealous.
TIA!
m/c - Dec 2005,
DS - March 27, 2007,
m/c - Oct 2009,
DD - Feb 20, 2012
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How do you handle jealousy?
This. Well said.
I agree with Jenny.
If it's an overwhelming jealousy as you are describing, it would probably be best for both of you if you didn't spend much time together. Also, if it's consuming you, I'd consider talking to a professional about it. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but your post makes it sound like your jealous feelings are fairly serious.
Good luck.
Very well said JennyAnne. I completely agree although I have a secret temper tantrum when no one is around first.
**TTC since 10/2009** **BFP 4/15/12- Dx Molar Pregnancy- Surgery 5/15/12 & 5/22/12** **BFP 1/23/14- 1st Beta (1/24/14) 171 2nd Beta (1/28/14) 860**
Yes, this too. It's one thing to have pangs of jealousy like I did when my younger sister got pregnant, but you definitely sound like yours is more consuming. Again, I will say count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. As you said, there are others around the world who have much, much less than what you have.
I think almost everyone who posts here has had the experience of knowing someone who got pregnant right away, faster than them, or without trying. It stings. I am guilty of turning into the green eyed monster from time to time. I try to remind myself that I already have one beautiful and healthy child, and there are plenty of people who are still trying for their first. I count that as a blessing, and figure if she's all God wants me to have then it's more than I deserve.
I also remind myself that if I got everything I wanted when I wanted it, it simply wouldn't mean as much. I was in an anger rut and heard a new Amy Grant song on KLOVE that said something like "if it all just happened overnight you would never know what it means, if it all just happened overnight you would never learn to believe in what you can't see." It may sound corny, but it got me out of my funk. When you get your BFP it will be a much bigger celebration for you.
Keep your chin up.
I have a friend like that--things just seem to fall into place.
The thing I have to always remind myself when I feel a really bad bout of overwhelming jealousy and pity (for myself) coming on is that she is my friend and I am so excited for her. There are days when it is hard, particularly when I'm PMS-ing and upset that AF is coming/here again. Those are the hard days. And I DO allow myself to get upset--just not around her. I get upset to DH and to my mom--my mom now knows we are TTC because she went through 5 years of infertility, so she knows what it is like to be disappointed month after month and see everybody around you get pregnant.
For me, the big things are to allow myself a short period (a day, an hour, just not tooo long) to feel those feelings and to continually remind myself that everything happens in its own time. It will happen for all of us, however it happens, when it is the right time for us.
Well said! It is human nature to get jealous from time to time, but I try to remember that God has a perfect plan for each of us. Sometimes I wish I could get pregnant sooner, but then I think back on the past few months and realize that it was just not a good time for us. There was no way I could have known that, but God did. So we are putting our trust in Him and doing our best to be happy for all of our friends who are expecting!
this! i think about those who don't have a wonderful H, a stable job, and relative to most of the world, everything i need.
then i do try to focus on them, because they are my friends and it is wonderful for them...eventually, i totally share their excitement. i am currently truly enjoying throwing a baby shower for my coworker who announced a pregnancy after my 3rd BFN. i had to work hard at being happy for them, but it's worth it, because it feels a lot better than jealousy and sadness.
ETA; i am VERY sorry for your losses, and since i haven't experienced any, i know my situation is different than yours. maybe your jealousy is part of your grief process, and as other posters have said, maybe talking with a professional could help you feel better.