Missing someone who's passed away

Celtic Ember · March 2010

Is anyone else bummed about not being able to share the joy of LO with a family member who's passed away?

We lost my dad to cancer in 2007. He never met DH, and he's never going to get to meet LO. He was the parent we went to for advice, as a sounding board, if we needed a recipie, or if we just needed a shoulder. My mom's brain isn't on planet earth, and since my Dad went she's reverted to a spolied 16-y-o. I feel like without any kind of parental support, and I haven't got a clue what I'm doing.

Anyone else know what I'm getting at here?

S&V*A&F122009 · March 2010

Oh yes...my grandparents would have loved my kids and I'm sure they would be amazed at how much my DD is just like me when I was a little girl

They were my rock and still are....I often think about what they would think of my choices in life and it keeps me grounded. Funny how my DH reminds me a lot of my papa...weird...

bosoxgrl · March 2010

I lost my Grandpa in 2005, and he has missed out on so many milestones. But, I think the arrival of my LO is on of the things that hurts the most. I was the first born grandchild and my "papa" and I had an unbreakable bond. This baby would have been really special to him.

AleciaMarie · March 2010

Yes, I lost my Mother to cancer when I was 15. I get really teary about it everytime I update family members on the pregnancy.

Purple_Butterflies · March 2010

Yes, my Grandmother. She never got the chance to met my DH and is never going to meet the Twins. I was my Grandma's baby and so was my DS. She would be tickled pink to have met the Twins as her daughter my Mom also had Twins. And also DH's Mom as she passed away when I was 6 wks pregnant and we never go to tell her we where expecting let alone having Twins.

KGraham05 · March 2010

My Grandma on my mother side b-day is March 22nd and it's been 5 years since she passed. I miss her each & everyday she was truly the glue that held my family together. She never met DH or DS but I know for a fact she would've love them, my family lets DH & DS know that every time they visit them. She was truly a remarkable women and she would always tell me how proud she was of me so it still hurts, but talking about her with family & friends that knew her helps a lot: )

sweet1600s · March 2010

I don't have any close family that's died, and I'm SO grateful for that. One of the blessings of having this baby a little earlier than I'd planned is that both of my mom's parents (who I'm very close to) are still alive to meet the baby.

However, my best friend since 7th grade committed suicide last April. We always talked about when we had children, how we'd get together on holidays and take vacations together, and our kids would be best friends... So that's been hard, especially as it's coming up on the 1st anniversary of her death.

AbJams · March 2010

DH's dad passed away when DH was 15. It's not quite the same thign since I never met him, but I wish he was still alive. DH has been thinking about him alot lately too and I know it's hard for him, becoming a dad and not having a dad to talk to about it. And I know he is afraid of something happening to him and our child going through the same thing he did. Makes me so sad

ali_sha006 · March 2010

My grandpa was a wonderful man and he passed away in November 2007 and couldn't be here for our wedding. But I found out I was preggers 6 days before the anniversary of his death. And my original due date was his birthday then it got moved back 5 days. This is also the first grandchild born since he has passed.

slc2b · March 2010

This may sound kinda weird, but right now it is my dog who passed away right after Christmas. She was so very special to me and it broke my heart when I lost her. I cried this morning over her actually. She would have loved this little baby so much and it hurts to know my little girl will never know just how sweet and special my dog was.

Anyway, my dad passed when I was six and I know he would love his grand children so that is hard but he has been gone for so long so I am used to it. Also my grandmother who passed 10 years ago would have loved to be a part of her great grand childrens' lives but again, she was older and I am very used to her being gone now. I do miss them both dearly though.

sugarland726 · March 2010

Yes, my grandfather passed last June. He got to meet my niece so I am jealous that my sister will have those pictures but we won't have anything. He loved my niece so much and I know that he would love my LO too. It is very sad for me. But I think it is actually helping my grandmother heal (married for 54 years and took his death very hard). She is seeing the family grow and she is very excited about my pregnancy. I just wish he could be here with all of us.

tyke29 · March 2010

My stepfather and mom married when I was three and he became my Daddy. We had the same birthday (June 29). He passed away almost 9 years ago. We are having a baby boy that will be named after him and he is due on June 28. I think it would be really cool if he were born on the 29th, but know that that will probably not happen. However, the birthdays will be close.

Mizz&Shizz · March 2010

Yes...I know what you mean. Of course, I haven't lost a parent, and nothing can compare to that.

My paternal grandparents both died in 2001, 2 months to the day apart from each other. My uncle died a year later. A month or so ago I was on the way home from work and a song came on the radio that reminded me of my grandmother (it was playing in the car on the way from her funeral), and I started bawling. I wish that my kids woud have the opportunity to meet them...

MrserinJ · March 2010

Yes, my mom who was also my best friend died of breast cancer in Oct of 2008. She was only 47 and DS was her first grandchild. He was 10 months at the time. I am missing her sooooo bad right now. I think about her everyday.

Also, I COMPLETELY get what you're saying about your mom. Since my mom died, my dad is a completely different person. He is selfish, hurtful and so distant. It makes the loss even worse. I wish I had my mom here because she would be so excited. I have absolutely no support from my side of the family and its making it very hard.

I am SOOO glad you posted this because I have been having a hard time with my mom being gone lately and I'm glad to know others are still struggling with the pain of loss too. T & P to you.

NiceAsstra · March 2010

My H's mom passed away in 2007 after battling with lung cancer. I know it's so hard for H, especially now. This would have been her first grand child- and she would have been an AWESOME grandma.

MarknCalsMommy · March 2010

My grandma died almost exactly a year ago. I don't remember the exact date, and won't let myself figure it out on purpose, but it may have been today actually. Anyway, we were very close. As close as a grandma and granddaughter can be in my opinion. She got to meet my first two, and my second baby crawled for the first time at her apartment just a couple of weeks before she died (and he spilled marinara sauce in the process, which made me feel bad a first, but now it's a funny memory). She didn't even know we had decided to have a 3rd, and this baby will never meet her.

I keep a picture of her and my first son on the shelf in my living room. I think about her everyday still.

Sorry, just had to share my favorite picture of her...

Celtic Ember · March 2010

I have to stop myself from getting jealous sometimes. My older sister was married, divorced, and remarried, and then had a baby a year after that- and my dad was there for all of it. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I resent her for it sometimes. I'm lucky that DH's mom is so excited about this baby- it's the first grandbaby on that side, and I can lean on her if I need to. It just makes it harder when I realize how differently we were raised!

pbaldo05 · March 2010

Three out of 4 of my grandparents have passed away and I wish they all could have met my children

MrserinJ · March 2010

Celtic Ember:

I have to stop myself from getting jealous sometimes. My older sister was married, divorced, and remarried, and then had a baby a year after that- and my dad was there for all of it. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I resent her for it sometimes. I'm lucky that DH's mom is so excited about this baby- it's the first grandbaby on that side, and I can lean on her if I need to. It just makes it harder when I realize how differently we were raised!

Just wanted to say that I completely understand what you're saying. From the other side though, I am the older sister in our situation. My mom was there for my wedding and the birth of my son. I really feel for my sister and feel blessed to have had my mom here for those things. Sometimes I feel guilty that my sister won't have that. However, it really hasn't made the loss any easier or less painful. I guess pain is subjective and you never know what someone else is feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. The whole situation sucks!

jazzyexpo · March 2010

I miss my grandpa. I can't think about it without tearing up. He died in 2007 of a heart attack which didn't have to happen. He was scared of doctors and had signs of a heart attack months before he actually died from it. We found this out later on after my aunt told us. It would have been nice if she would have said something when it was happening because we would have made him go to the doctor. I cried the other night seemed like all night because I missed him. He missed my wedding and now his soon to be great grandchild.

luckygirl13 · March 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss. My MIL passed away in 2007 also from cancer. My DD #1 was not even 3 months old when she died. I was so glad she was able to meet her but I am so upset she will not meet DD #2. DD #1 may not have had a lot of time with her but we have pictures and we always show them to her. We won't have that with DD #2. It sucks.

Dobie_Mama · March 2010

Celtic Ember:

I have to stop myself from getting jealous sometimes. My older sister was married, divorced, and remarried, and then had a baby a year after that- and my dad was there for all of it. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I resent her for it sometimes.

I sometimes feel this way about my half-siblings. They are all at least 10 years older than me. Their children are old enough to have memories of my dad. DD will never get that. I'm even jealous that they had more time with my dad than I did.

I lost my dad in November of '08 to colon cancer than progressed to brain cancer (and a variety of places there in between). It is completely miserable and heart breaking to lose a parent. I am so very thankful that he got to meet DD but I really mourn the relationship they will not have. And the fact that he will not know this baby.

Celtic Ember · March 2010

My dad had beaten his cancer twice before, once in 1986, and again in 1991. When he was first diagosed, they gave him a less then 25% chance of making it. He told us he asked for 20 years- to see my sibs and I grow up, and not leave my semi-nutcase of a mother as a single parent to four. He died almost exactly 20 years later- the same kind of cancer, in the same place, in a more vicious form.

I will always feel lucky to have had him there when I was growing up, but sometimes I wish his prayers hadn't been so darn specific! I like to think he's going to see LO anyway- but it won't be the same. It's one of the reasons LO won't be named after him. I loved my dad. I'm not going to saddle his legacy on a child who will never get a chance to know how terrific he was.

MrsBraun · March 2010

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss...

My dad was killed in a car accident in 2004 - seems like forever ago, but sometimes I catch myself thinking "oh, I can't wait until dad can show baby how to fish/snowmobile/etc"..like I forget that he's been gone for almost 6 years.

My mom is also on another planet - we used to be best friends and now she has totally changed. She re-married a huge a-hole that's NOTHING like my dad, and so arrogant. If I let myself dwell on it I get really upset, so now I just accept things as they are since I have no other option.

I'm writing LO letters every month or so, and I plan to write one about his/her grandpa so that his memory lives on, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.

shibby00 · March 2010

My Mom passed last June, very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack in our backyard, right in front of me. The worst experience of my life, I have never felt so powerless or ineffectual. She was my best friend, my sounding board, and of course sometime we fought like cats and dogs. Like pp have said my remaining parent (my Dad) who suffered from Alzheimer's prior to her death has become a different person and someone I don't particularly like. I get so upset that my Mom died before my wedding, before this baby, before so many things. Then I get angry that I am left with my Dad who has become someone else. Of course I realize he can't help his behavior, comments, etc but it does not make any of it any easier. I have no grandparents on either side, and only a small handful of Aunts and Uncles. I get so incredibly jealous of my DH's HUGE family, both his parents, grandparents, and extended family. Life just is not fair sometimes, that is the only thing I can say about the whole situation. That and the Bible promises us that the Lord will not tempt us beyond what we are able.

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