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parents and new house - vent
My parents are both in architecture and were pretty involved in our house hunting process. We really appreciated their help since they were able to point out any red flags before we would even make an offer which saved us time and money. Now that we've been fixing up the house, they are even more involved which again I appreciate most of it, but they're starting to overstep their boundaries. Their house is about 5 minutes away from ours so we gave them a key in case we needed someone to open the door for the workers, but now we find them there at any time without telling us. DH even went to the house one day and my mom was giving my aunt and her cousin a tour! We really didn't want to show the house to the extended family until some of the projects were done and we were moved in. My mom also went one day and decided to clean the kitchen and bathrooms (with a broken arm, too, that she's had in a cast for a couple of weeks) even though, we were going to hire someone to do that. My dad on the other hand doesn't show up unexpectedly, but he gives us a lot of unsolicited advice and most of it are design plans that are aesthetically really beautiful but not practical or budget friendly. He and my mom are also complete opposites - my mom's designs are more practical and family-friendly while my dad's are more artistic. So, it can cause a lot of conflicts and we have to remind them that it's OUR house! We haven't really said anything else to them because we don't want them to think we're unappreciative, but I can see this getting out of control and I can't imagine what they'll be like when the baby comes since my mom is semi-retired and will most likely take care of the baby while I work.
What would you do? Have you had a similar situation?
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Re: parents and new house - vent
Sorry you have to deal with all of that. My MIL is constantly over-stepping her boundaries when it comes to our house. The house we are living in now used to belong to my DH's parents. It is a house they owned but never lived in. They were just using it because they bought it for real cheap and were making a lot of money off it's rent. My DH loves the house so when we got married, he asked me if I wanted to move in there. I liked the house too and I said yes but it was the worst mistake of my life. So, we are paying the mortgage payments each month. Everything was still under DH's parent's name. I started to get really upset because I felt like we were just one of their tenats. Just like your mom and dad, they were giving people tours and making decisions in regards to the tiles, cabinets, etc. I wanted to get out of the situation but we don't have enough money saved to put a down payment on a new house. About 2 years ago, they finally decided to put our names on the deed of the house. My DH made it really clear to her that we appreciate their help with this house especially since we could have never afforded one on our own but we want this to be our house, not their house. She has gotten much better about it, but I don't think she would have if DH would not have put his foot down. Now it's a joke. She comes over and tells me, "Don't you think that painting would looks so much better over the bar instead of that wall?". Now, I just smile and say "Sure. Go ahead and move it there but I will move it back when you leave".
You know when people say that you give them an inch and they take a foot (or however that saying goes)? Well, that's the case. You needed their help when you were house hunting and now they just still think you need them. I thikn that the more time that goes by the worst it will get. You have to put a stop to it now, but in a nice way because I'm sure they are just excited and want to help. If Wow, I think I'm going to shut up now cause y reply is really long.
Yep - my dad is an architect and my mom has a degree in art history so, welcome to my life. When I moved into my first house, I had the same problems b/c I really wanted to do my thing. But with this house, I consulted with them a lot on the things we did and the colors we chose b/c I know that they're good with that kind of thing. When we were hanging artwork and placing things, they helped a lot with that as well and they painted a beautiful mural in my daughter's room. Honestly most of the time they were right but when I didn't agree with them, I told them and they weren't offended.
Just set your boundaries with them and tell them nicely that you appreciate their advice and help but you're going to do things differently. if you don't want your mom showing up unannounced just let her know. Be honest with them.
LOL, no worries. I understand your situation, too. MIL offered us here house a couple of times during our search; however, she lives there but wants to move out so we would have to wait until she does. We considered it each time she brought it up, but ultimately decided against it for the same reasons you posted and we'd still be waiting for her to move.
I guess I'll have to say something bc DH certainly doesn't want to, but finding the right time is going to be hard b/c I haven't been at the new house much b/c of the construction and dust.
This - I know you struggle with them being TOO involved and this has the potential to get much, much worse when the baby arrives. You need to put a stop to it now! If you have to be blunt, be blunt! ::hugs::
You girls are right. I'm just going to have to wait for the right timing. They're just so sensitive and then they think that I'm "pesada" since they think it's just coming from me and not DH, but obviously I don't want to get DH involved.
Maybe it's a generational thing, too. My aunt is always getting offended bc my cousin doesn't want to take her advice when it comes to the kids. In their case, my aunt is very uptight and my cousin and her DH are more laid back.
What bugs me the most is my mom giving the tour and cleaning the house with a broken arm! Mind you, there is still some tiling and drywall going up so it's still pretty dusty in there. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she told DH to tell the workers not to use the bathrooms since she had just cleaned them, lololol.
dude - if she's that bad with a broken arm - I don't wan't to imagine her fully functional!! LOL!
LOL.
I had not even thought of it, but Eli is right. Once the baby comes, it's going to get much worse. They are going to have suggestions and opinions for everything you do with the baby. I've just learned that you have to hear them out and say thanks. And then you turn around and do what YOU feel is right. I think you have to take the same attitude with the house. Tell them that you still want their opnions but that you only need their help in person if you or DH can't be at the house. Maybe she will back out a little and hopefully won't show up unannounced. They can still give you their suggestions and you just have to say thanks, and turn around and do what you want.
This is basically what we'll do and if we have to put down our foot with something a little more out there, we will.