Girls who have had a m/c when were you ready??

JackieMac824 · March 2010

To start treatments again. I know this answer will be different for everyone but I would like to hear how people move forward. I keep going back and forth on this because I really want to be pregnant again but at the same time I am scared something bad will happen - I do not know if I could handle another m/c right now or even a treatment cycle BFN for that matter. So I just would like your thoughts and opinions on what made you decide to move forward and how long it took you to come to that decision - TIA.

Ali212 · March 2010

For me, immediately. As soon as my beta went to zero (exactly 4 weeks, to the day, after my D&C), I started stimming for IVF. That said, if you don't feel like you could mentally handle a BFN now, you might want to wait a little longer. Not that anyone wants that (or is ready for a m/c) but I do think you have to be mentally ready to deal with the pain of that. Situationally, I was also in a different place than you ....my pregnancy/m/c happened on a break cycle so I wasn't mentally expecting that and the m/c was pretty early (7 weeks) so I really hadn't accepted I was pg, esp given the odds, plus the pg came right after I had met with my current RE to start IVF so I was in a really different situation than you...so, for me, I needed to keep moving mentally and I was ready to start IVF.

I'm sorry - I know this must be so hard. Hugs.

sweetky_06 · March 2010

My miscarriage was very early, so I just kept moving forward with treatments immediately. Absolutely I was scared and continue to be, but my thought was that if I didn't keep moving forward that I would become paralyzed by my fear - and not moving forward with treatments would also mean that nothing would progress towards our goal of being parents.

My hope for you is that you find that balance between fear and hope that allows you to continue forward on this crazy journey.

GenRN45 · March 2010

Jackie - i've never been pregnant, so I can't give advice on your actual question, but I was wondering if you have considered seeing an infertility counselor. The one that we have been seeing has been invaluable to us. We got her name from our RE.

Regardless of what direction you go, i hope you continue to heal and are able to decide on a new treatment plan when you're ready.

AuburnBride06 · March 2010

Up until we lost the triplets, after every loss I wanted to start again right away. I always had this sense of urgency and I saw starting treatments again as the only way to save my sanity and give me some hope. I think it was partly a way for me to "deal" (and I say this very loosely) with my depression. After the triplets, it really hit me that a sticky could never happen for us, and I became much more fearful of having that trauma again. But I think this happens when you have so many losses. I can't honestly tell you if we gave ourselves enough time to heal or mourn. I think the possible hope of another treatment cycle is what helped us. Honestly, I don't think you ever fully "get over" a loss. It's just acceptance.

I know how bad you've been hurting and I really hate it for you. I think you should really sit and talk about it with your DH. And do some major self exploration. I will tell you, that as bad as it hurts, and as hard as it is, I think you should take on the mantra that "my desire to have a child is greater than my fear of another miscarraige". This is what has gotten me through all our losses, up until the last few months. I hope and pray you never experience another loss Jackie. As scared as I was and as much as our hearts were broke, when we lost our first baby, we were able to draw hope from the fact that 1 even 2 m/cs are not uncommon. Now I feel like I am the bottom of the bottom 1%.

If you don't feel ready, don't push it. I think that you will just kind of "know" when it's time. It's hard to explain, but it just happens. You just become ready.

Many {{{{HUGS}}} my dear.

BunnyintheYard · March 2010

I was only pg for 5w4d, so I am sure your pain was so much deeper. But to answer your question, we started BCPs 2 months later, and it was the best way to lift my spirits and give me hope.

GL

*kendrick* · March 2010

My MC (an early loss) happened when we were trying to get approval for IF diagnostics. With the MC, I was ready to keep trying the very next cycle on our own. But, I had a really terrible doctor's appt with the loss and it took me 3 months to get up the courage to find a new doctor and be able to handle disappointment that might come from that. There isn't a right timeline to grieve this loss, so take it slow and let each day guide you. If you aren't ready right now, then wait. You'll know when it is time. I am so sorry for your loss.

KTtheWife · March 2010

I'm so sorry you even have to make this decision. I've had 3 losses, but I haven't started any treatment yet. I've only just finished with all of the testing. After my first loss, I was ready to start trying after I got that first AF following the loss. We started trying right away after the second loss. After my third loss my doctor told us to stop trying. I just wanted to be pregnant, but I also didn't want to have another miscarriage. I'm glad we've had these few months off, but I'm definitely ready to start trying again. Hopefully we can start treatment next cycle. My desire to be a mother is greater than my fear of having another miscarriage. Of course, I don't want it to happen again, but if I never try again I will never get pregnant. It's an important decision that's different for everyone. Good luck with making this decision.

ginger67 · March 2010

Right away. I'm AMA and the idea of waiting was torture. Even if I was not AMA I would want to start right away. I'm terrified of a BFN and of another MC but I'm more afraid of not getting pregnant again. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

cocojack10 · March 2010

I believe we skipped 2 cycles after D&C before we started treatments again. It has been well over a yr, and we just did our first IVF. I'm super excited for this to work... but now the fear is kicking in about possible m/c or something being wrong w/ baby. I'm freaking out completely!

Fundoh21 · March 2010

I m/c at 11 weeks and it took 6 months before I was in a place where I could handle going through IVF again.

There was the urge to cycle again quickly and try to get past what happened, but I knew that mentally I needed more time to deal with the ups and downs of an IVF cycle and to get to a point where I could handle a BFN or another m/c.

You will know when you are ready.

Ginger71 · March 2010

After my 1st loss, I jumped right back in. (That was before my acupuncturist told me it was better to wait a few months) After my 10 week loss, I cycled again after 5 months and I was not ready. I was crash dieting before hand becasue I hadn't lost the pregnancy weight and neither my mind nor my heart were ready. I was still being really self destructive in my thinking and how I was taking care of myself. (I regret that I cycled so soon but I am in my late 30s and I felt like I was running out of time.) That cycle was terrible. I only had 5 eggs at retrieval and only 2 embies lasted to day 3.

I wish you lots of luck making your decision. It's a tough one.

LCB34 · March 2010

I wasn't ready for months. I miscarried in July and started stims for my next IVF at the end of November. I was in no place to be cycling again and my husband and I felt it was best for me to heal before totally moving on. I met with a therapist multiple times and just spent some time being be.

I was also on BCP most of that break b/c I knew if I wasn't I would obsess, and then become depressed, over a break cycle BFP (our chances are less than 1% of conceiving on our own so I knew it would just make things worse to try).

After everything I went through with this pregnancy, and the loss of the twins at 9 weeks, I am so glad I took a break. There is no way I would be a functioning human right now if I had to deal with 3 losses back to back - I am just not strong enough for that.

Good luck with your decision - it is such a hard one to make - but, go with your heart - I'm a firm believe that it will be right!

MerryMarisa · March 2010

After my first few losses, I started treatment right away. I had two back-to-back losses last year; by early July last year, I was staring down the barrel of my 3rd d&c and I really needed a break. I often struggled with when to start treatment again and finally felt ready this cycle; it was about 8 months before I could think of TTC again. I'm still scared of another loss but with the help of my therapist, I'm in a better head space. Hope this helps. Jackie, I'm so sorry you're even in a position where you have to think about this. My thoughts are with you; page me if you want to talk. ((( hugs )))

MontyMrs · March 2010

I've had 3 early m/c's and for the super early ones, c/p and the one at a little over 5 weeks I was ready to move forward almost immediately. The blighted ovum with a d&c at 7 weeks was much harder, even though I never got to a heartbeat I had pregnancy symptoms and had weeks to get used to the idea so bouncing back wasn't quite so easy. I took a vacation after this and didn't cycle again for a few months. I'm glad I took the break, it was great for my state of mind when I did cycle again.

katezta · March 2010

Thank you for posting this because I have been having the same thoughts.

I m/c at almost 7 weeks in Feb. and will be starting my BCPs for a FET on Sunday. Part of me is not ready and part of me needs the IF part of my life to be over, so I am pushing ahead and even a little excited. Since this is not a fresh cycle, it feels different for me even though the timing seems to be the same. It is not as intense. I am not sure I would be able to handle a fresh cycle right now.

I hope you are able to be at peace with whatever you decide. I am so sorry that you even need to make this kind of decision. GL!

Sarahp63 · March 2010

I just finished my first AF since D&C last week and I think we are ready to cycle again as soon as my RE gives us to go ahead. With that being said, I hope maybe we will have some answers or a different plan as to why I keep m/c. I think its a personal decision and one you need to make from the heart. I know that if we endure one more loss we are also done. We will be looking at adoption then.

I am so sorry you have to be faced with this decision. Good Luck hun!

kimarino13 · March 2010

I was ready to start right away. Yes, I was afraid of more losses, but I really wanted to move forward, get pregnant and kick IF's ass. Starting treatments again gave me hope and something to look forward to.

nikinikinine · March 2010

Jackie, I m/c'd in January, had my D&C in February (about 4 weeks ago) and we'll start cycling again here in the next week or so. I am not fully sure that I am ready, but I couldn't really justify waiting either so I decided to just go for it. I don't want to drag this out any long and, truly, that has been my motivation to cycle again.

We will only do one more year (or 3 more fresh cycles total) of this nonsense before changing our plan altogether. So by cycling now I am keeping this from going on for too much longer.

JM1977 · March 2010

Just want to say I'm sorry you're going through this and I will be thinking of you as you make these decisions and move forward in your journey. (((HUGS)))

negrilbride07 · March 2010

I began bcps for my next cycle one month after my D&C. I felt that I was mentally prepared to try again additionally, I am AMA and knew my time was fleeting. It is an extremely personal choice with no right or wrong answer.

I wish you the best.

sourpop · March 2010

I had a m/c on Dec 12th. I would say the biggest thing holding us back was money. If we would have had insurance coverage, we would have started sooner - but since we were OOP - it took us about 7 months to start up again.

rachel06 · March 2010

I don't know if I will ever be ready. I started treatment as soon as I could because it allowed me time to grieve and also allowed me to move on and focus on the next cycle. For me this was the best thing, focusing on something else. It was about 2 months from my m/c to my FET. I don't know if I would have thought differently if we had to do another fresh cycle because that is a lot more intense. GL sweetie!

Dragonfly1226 · March 2010

I had my m/c at the same time as you. We were thinking about starting our next IVF with this cycle (so that would be 21 days from about now), but a large part of me wanted to wait another month. Then I got sick and the decision was made for us. I hope to start our next IVF in May/June.

There is a huge part of me that is terrified to get started again. On the other hand, I know that I can't keep putting it off. My main concern is that I am emotionally stable enough to deal with all of the meds and another cycle without having a break down. I think I'm approaching that point.

Edwina.McDunnough · March 2010

Right away. We had several weeks when the missed miscarriage was being identified and the d+c was performed, plus the following weeks for recovery. So by the time we were even able to try again almost two months had passed and we were both ready. It was very difficult getting back into the swing of things, both emotionally and physically.

PoeticJustice · March 2010

kimarino13:
I was ready to start right away. Yes, I was afraid of more losses, but I really wanted to move forward, get pregnant and kick IF's ass. Starting treatments again gave me hope and something to look forward to.

Yes

waitingforbaby#2 · March 2010

For me I went ahead ttc right away after that first af. I think it helped me some because I felt like I was moving forward. It's totally different for everyone I'm so sorry for your loss.

marrie2himonly · March 2010

Hi Jackie...do you remember me? My m/c was on 9/21...and I am still on a break. I didn't get my period until early January...so I had no choice but to wait anyway. Since then I/we have been in going to counseling and on a break. We have been trying on our own and are hopeful we are successful this time around. At this point the time for going back to treatment is getting pushed back again and again. This break feels good for me/us. I know the time is drawing near whatever is the case. It has been 6 months now. HTH. PM me anytime.

wishingforpositive21 · March 2010

Jackie, I have never experienced a m/c so I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I just wanted to say I will be praying for you and I hope that you and DH can make the best decision for your situation! If you aren't ready than I definitely don't think it would be best to jump into it... allow yourself some more time if that is what you need. I am thinking of you and sending best wishes your way! (((hugs)))

Missy0708 · March 2010

It took us years to get over our most recent loss. We started TTC again 2 years ago. Mainly, bc of our ages not necessarily bc we were ready. We are def ready now though!

Girls who have had a m/c when were you ready??

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