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carrieannew
member
Child support vs. daycare costs
carrieannew
member
Hey ladies
I have been meaning to do another intro post since I had my LO but things just have been too busy. But a quick question for ya'll.
My LO's father and I are not on good terms right now. I am doing everything I can to rise above and be the bigger person but after so many times it wears on you. Anywho.. I had sent him an email today and I detailed out how much I had to pay the daycare to get him started for monday when I return to work. I explained that because I had to put so much down I did not expect him to have that whole half right away but we could work out arrangements but most important going forward I needed to know how he wanted to pay me the 50% of the daycare costs as they would be taking out the money twice a month from my checking account.
He responded that he would not agree to those amounts nor would he be able to pay as he could not afford it. And also wanted mention of the check he gave me last week... This is the only thing he has ever given me was a check last week and in the memo he wrote child support payment.
I am already in teh works to find a lawyer as this has been a horrible ordeal and we can not seem to come to terms on anything. He has also a few times mentioned custody to me and it concerns me that he thinks he might get some sort of 50/50 like he does of his other son (total different situation as he was married for 8 plus years to the sons mom and they raised the son together).
How does child support and daycare work? Is he responsible for 50% and also payment for child support. Does the amount for the daycare come out of his child support. Anyone have experience?
Thanks sorry this was so long!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Child support vs. daycare costs
I found the information online for the local child support office. But I am not sure how that will work as I did not allow him at the hospital therefor I could not put his name on the birth certf. (2 weeks before due date he decided he wanted a paternity test because I would not let him pick a middle name).
I have always been under the impression in CT it was child support plus 50% of daycare. And I think I found something somewhere that had said that a while back. I didnt think I was just imagining it. I had even told him over 2 months ago how much the daycare was going to cost and he was responsible for half. He then said he wanted visitation rights at the daycare... I said of course not as its a place of business not a place for him to go and sit.
He told me in one of his last responces today that he would give me what he could, (not paying back the $496 deposit nor paying for daycare going forward) until he was served.
He told me he could not afford it, which I responded with it was not a choice, he said its not a choice its the truth.
I have a 11 year old daughter and over the past 3 years I have worked full time and part time to support us. You do what you have to do. Responsiblities are not about what you can afford. Sorry little vent again.
Since his name is not listed on the birth certificate I would recommend going to the child support enforcement in your city. Majority of states will assist with establishing paternity as well as setting up a support order. Be aware though that the additional cost for the test (appx. $475) will come back to you, the father, or will be split. Do not expect immediate results. Depending on the case load it can take up to 6 months just to get a hearing. And if he contests paternity, longer.
As soon as you have established paternity and have a support order, I highly recommend contacting a family law attorney or a mediator (usually cheaper) to set up a custody agreement. Depending on your income you may be eligible for legal aid or assistance from a local university that has a law program.
Always remember that child support and visitation do not go hand in hand. (They will make a point to tell you this while at the enforcement office) If he chooses to ignore the support order and not pay you cannot at anytime refuse him visitation after a custody agreement has been established. You'll have to take him back to court to get it paid.
It can be a frustrating uphill battle. Gook luck with which ever route you decide.
THIS THIS THIS. I realize that the major concern of your post was about CS and daycare (which I agree with PPs about - contact your local court/contact your local CS department/find out about legal aid and mediators). But do not withhold visitation from your X because he has chosen not to pay child support. This will NOT look good for you.
Ditto this. I have had some ppl tell me to "just not let him visit until he pays you" (obviously not sound advice which I don't follow). Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. The way it works in my situation is XH pays me a set amount each month, of which I pay the daycare out of. The cost of daycare and CS are included in one payment.
Thanks Ladies
The one thing I have always been aware of is that child support and visitation do not depend on each other, sadly. So he has been visiting when he likes pretty much as far as days and then I try to set time limits but it gets thrown back in my face. He has stayed up to 2 and half hours on a weeknight, which I have tried to explain can not happen when I return to work next week that we need routine and schedules. But then when I put a limit of 30 minutes he threw it back in my face when he left basically saying he had to go because of my limit or whichever. Then the next time again I said please make it a short visit and before 7. He showed up after 6:30 and stayed till close to 8. And after me saying 2 times I needed to start getting the baby ready for bed he finally gave him back to me.
So I put a set schedule in place till a judge tells us otherwise which he feels is unreasonable. I cant win.
Everything the other girls have said is pretty accurate. However I will warn you that in terms of CS plus daycare costs, the most you can collect is 50% of his pay checks after taxes and insurances are paid. This may be an issue for you because of his other child. I am not sure if the percentage goes higher or if the 50% is both the support he pays for that child plus yours... it may affect how much you get for day care costs in the end.
He actually does not pay any support for his other son. Him and his exwife have a 50/50 agreement with no money going either way. And I believe he makes as much as me if not more. He works for the state andhas for awhile.
In OK it is Child Support + a percentage of daycare (not necessarily 50%) based upon your income and his income.
For example, I made 57% of our combined income and he made 43% of our combined income at the time I filed for divorce, so he will be responsible for 43% of daycare costs plus child support.
Obviously you can't enforce anything for custody/visitation or child support unless you've gotten a court to order it in some way (be it the child support resources available through the state or suing for CS / custody).
MMC April 2014 at 6w2d, D&C at 9 weeks
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