How do you get your toddler to sleep at night?

crackerjackprinter · March 2010

DD still falls asleep nursing half the time, the other times it's while being rocked and rarely it is being read to. Before DS she was fine just being read to. Anyway, how would you transition to just reading or falling asleep on her own without CIO? I left my Dr. Sears sleep book with our friends and won't get it for a month or two so I can't just consult that. Crying

FWIW she's in her own room in a twin bed on the floor. I don't really want to gate her in but DH is nearing being at wit's end with her bedtimes (she fights her normal routine like nothing else) and she needs to be going to bed earlier to be happier. She usually falls asleep anywhere from 9-10 pm after starting the routine at 7:30 or 8. No matter when she goes to bed she's awake by 6 am.

Thanks!

OneSimpleMom · March 2010

I was thinking of something to write and then I realized she's not in a crib. Here are just a few random ideas...I would try talking to her - explaining what is happening and what you expect from her. Sit there with her and rub her back. A simple routine with the same exact things each night will really help her to feel comfortable. If she cries, express her feelings back to her - you are scared - Mommy/ Daddy will be right here if you need us, you don't want to be alone - here is your blankie/ teddy/ etc to sleep with you - just validate her feelings and offer a solution. I think maybe E at about 1.5 understands more than I give her credit for. She does so well when I lay her down awake, partly I think because I say pretty much the exact same thing to her every time - sometimes I'll even whisper it if her eyes are closed after nursing. "It's night nights time for Emma. Emma goes night nights in her crib. (Laying her down) Lay down, sweet girl, Sleep well for Momma! I love you precious girl, Goodnight" They like routine and pattern - they want to know what to expect.

luvlieK · March 2010

He lays down in our bed and rub his back.

Shorten the naps or take one out and she will sleep longer in the morning.

lauraandlee · March 2010

We "supernannied" the boys and it was the best choice we ever made. A few ways to do it...and there are more detailed instructions on her site and in her book, but how we did it.

Create a clear bedtime routine so she knows it's calm, bedtime, etc. We do bath, jammies, brush teeth, read stories and sing songs. Kisses and goodnight.

First time out: Don't make eye contact, firmly say, "it's bedtime sweetie (or whatever name you call her", walk her to bed, tuck her in, and a quick kiss if necessary. DON'T play into her if she talks to you, asks questions, etc.

Second time out: Firmly say "Bedtime". Walk her back to bed and tuck her in.

Third and subsequent times out: Say nothing, make no eye contact, but return her to bed and tuck her in.

I'm not going to lie. The first night we did this for nearly 45 minutes. But that was it. After that, and for all the years later, the most I've EVER returned them to bed is twice. And if it's anything, it's once.

Also, neither of the kids are asleep when we leave them. I always felt it was super important for them to be okay with falling asleep on their own. (we didn't ever really do CIO, but always were VERY successful with many of the SuperNanny methods).

crackerjackprinter · March 2010

lauraandlee:
We "supernannied" the boys and it was the best choice we ever made. A few ways to do it...and there are more detailed instructions on her site and in her book, but how we did it.
Create a clear bedtime routine so she knows it's calm, bedtime, etc. We do bath, jammies, brush teeth, read stories and sing songs. Kisses and goodnight.
First time out: Don't make eye contact, firmly say, "it's bedtime sweetie (or whatever name you call her", walk her to bed, tuck her in, and a quick kiss if necessary. DON'T play into her if she talks to you, asks questions, etc.
Second time out: Firmly say "Bedtime". Walk her back to bed and tuck her in.
Third and subsequent times out: Say nothing, make no eye contact, but return her to bed and tuck her in.
I'm not going to lie. The first night we did this for nearly 45 minutes. But that was it. After that, and for all the years later, the most I've EVER returned them to bed is twice. And if it's anything, it's once.
Also, neither of the kids are asleep when we leave them. I always felt it was super important for them to be okay with falling asleep on their own. (we didn't ever really do CIO, but always were VERY successful with many of the SuperNanny methods).

Thanks! I think we will be trying that this weekend since DH has Friday off.

Dobie_Mama · March 2010

DD will stay in bed, even if she's not sleeping, so long as she has books and/or music. Most of the time I tuck her in and she reads/sings herself to sleep. Sometimes she's up for half an hour after I tuck her in but she's content and that's fine. Sometimes she's out in two minutes.

Occasionally she'll ask me to rub her hair, back, or belly (yes, like a dog) while she falls asleep, so we do that too.

kmgourley · March 2010

luvlieK:

He lays down in our bed and rub his back.

Shorten the naps or take one out and she will sleep longer in the morning.

Not necessarily! Dropping naps, no naps, bed earlier, bed later, made sure it was extremely quiet in the morning, put blankets over his windows, etc. etc. and Seth STILL woke up 5am-ish most days. Lately it's been a tiny bit better (knock on wood), but there was NOTHING we could do for a long time to get him to sleep in later.

Lotte134 · March 2010

I like the Supper Nanny idea.

A couple other ideas:

Draw out a picture chart of her bedtime routine. Then you can point to each of the steps as you go through them. Seeing it in front of her makes it harder to argue plus most toddlers love pictures.

When you're done with the routine put her in her bed. Tell her that you will check back in X amount of time. At first make it really short like 20-30 seconds and make sure you do it (or DH of course). The progressively lengthen the checks and she should fall asleep. If it helps you could get a sand timer and tell her you'll be back when it runs out. Again the visual really helps some kids.

Both these ideas are from the book Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka which I'm currently reading and really like.

englishviola · March 2010

I know this is an ongoing thing but I did want to say that my DS, who slept beautifully before we brought DD home, started having crazy sleeping patterns the whole first 6 weeks we were home with the new baby.

So that could be a part of the issue too. For us, we just gave extra TLC at night, and I explained that if he heard "baby Emma" cry then it's ok and mommy and daddy will take care of her. He was really concerned about this. I also reassured him that we will be here when he wakes up b/c he was a little traumatized by me leaving for the hospital in the night and then wondering where I was the next morning. SO every night I just rub his back and we talk about it, and now that "baby Emma" is 9 weeks old, he is almost back to his normal good sleep patterns. (Well, except he has pneumonia right now. But other than that.)

hamilton.ja · March 2010

Bruce nursed to sleep at that age and the first thing we did was I stopped allowing him to nurse to sleep and made sure he was awake when he finished and put him down in his bed awake. At first I had to sit with him. Then we transitioned to us coming back to check on him after a couple of minutes.

Once that was down and we were doing better on weaning we moved from nursing to offering a cup of water. Putting him down awake and checking on him remained the same. This is still the routine we use. He normally has a bath and gets ready for bed and has stories with DH, then i come up and we have a cuddle while he has some water and then I tuck him in, go to the bathroom, come back to check on him and go downstairs. 8 out of 10 times he's asleep by the time I check on him, the 9th time he's awake but doesn't care that I go downstairs and then the 10th maybe he'll want me to come back in and tuck him in again or something but it is rare.

He is in a toddler bed, btw.

eta: we gate his room. it was the only way. he was getting up 5 times a night and wandering into our room. it was NOT working.

crackerjackprinter · March 2010

Thanks ladies!

She is only taking one nap and there is no way she can drop it right now. I think it's just the way her body clock works. I was the same way as a kid too.

I don't think that the rough bedtime is because of the baby necessarily, but rather that Daddy is doing bedtimes now where I did them before DS came. She was super concerned about DS' crying for a couple of weeks but got over that quickly (thank goodness).

DH decided he wanted to try the supernanny thing this weekend. The tough thing is getting HIM to stick to a routine. He will start it by, say, brushing her teeth but when she goes to play after that he lays on the couch. ::headdesk::

I get that he doesn't want to force it on her, but he's totally in denial that she will act like she isn't tired even when she is. She has him wrapped around her finger. So I'm sure that this will be an interesting weekend for that reason. We'll see!

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