BM breast milk ?

cjmorgan · March 2010

Would any of you be ok with getting breast milk from the BM?? Now I know there are some conditions where its a no (like if the mom is on drugs etc), but if the BM is willing to pump for the baby would you take it?

Cissi64 · March 2010

I would simply because it is so much better for the baby. There is no telling how the adoptive parenta will react, though. Some people who give birth to biological children think breast- feeding is gross and opt for formula.

Dragonfly_Bride · March 2010

Absolutely! I'm not upset that we'll most likely be formula feeding, but if given the opportunity, I would jump at the chance.

Here's a blog I read about this:

https://www.productionnotreproduction.com/2008/03/how-it-happened.html

amberfernandez · March 2010

I guess I'm on the other side of the fence. I would be worried about attachment issues and the BM changing her mind by having her supply milk, it's dragging on the time before she can start to let go and properly grieve and start to heal.

KarlsSweetie05 · March 2010

If the birthmother was OK with donating it, I would accept breast milk.

I view breastfeeding in a positive light and think there are benefits over formula, especially in the beginning. So, honestly, I'd be thrilled to use it. I would view it as an awesome opportunity and be so very grateful to the birthmother again for that gift.

However, if it created any difficulities in any way (physically or emotionally, no matter how small of a worry), I would tell the birth mother to stop and take care of herself.

omurray · March 2010

I think I would. That would be an incredibly selfless and amazing gift from the BM.

Temp206787500007404 · March 2010

The short answer is "no."

The long answer is that I agree that breastmilk is the perfect nutrition for a baby, however, the benefits are greatly overstated -- and research shows many inconsistencies in the results and methods of the studies done. My favorite quote on the topic:

"After a couple of hours, the basic pattern became obvious: the medical literature looks nothing like the popular literature. It shows that breast-feeding is probably, maybe, a little better; but it is far from the stampede of evidence that Sears describes. More like tiny, unsure baby steps: two forward, two back, with much meandering and bumping into walls. A couple of studies will show fewer allergies, and then the next one will turn up no difference. Same with mother-infant bonding, IQ, leukemia, cholesterol, diabetes. Even where consensus is mounting, the meta studies?reviews of existing studies?consistently complain about biases, missing evidence, and other major flaws in study design. ?The studies do not demonstrate a universal phenomenon, in which one method is superior to another in all instances,? concluded one of the first, and still one of the broadest, meta studies, in a 1984 issue of Pediatrics, ?and they do not support making a mother feel that she is doing psychological harm to her child if she is unable or unwilling to breastfeed.? Twenty-five years later, the picture hasn?t changed all that much. So how is it that every mother I know has become a breast-feeding fascist?"

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/

There are many resources available on this topic -- check out https://fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com where she lists many of them and posts in a very thought-provoking way. She is not anti-BF.

It's a personal decision for every adoptive family to make, but for us it was partially due to our concern for the birthmother (not only about bonding, but also what happens when she goes home and then has to deal with the pain/emotion of letting her supply dry up in addition to everything else she is dealing with) as well as the quality (she smoked a pack a day and drank 1/2-1 gallon of Mt. Dew a day). I was VERY upset that the lactation consultant who came to talk to her about it, told her the benefits of breastmilk outweighed the caffeine/nicotine in her breastmilk and I very strongly disagree with that.

cjmorgan · March 2010

Thanks ladies! I have not asked the family is they want me to donate, but I figured I'ld ask you ladies first since you know the pros and cons of the situation. For me I was planning on pumping anyways since I've heard it can get super uncomfortable anyway, but after that i'm not really sure what to do with the milk. Tongue Tied

Temp206787500007404 · March 2010

Totally selfless thing to offer!

You can make an appointment with a lactation consultant at your hospital -- they can advise you if you need to start pumping, or what to do if you start pumping and then want to stop. They can give you lots of options and talk you through it!

Good luck!

rwunderlich13 · March 2010

The birthmom we're with has offered it to us for a little while. We haven't talked about it in detail yet however. I would accept it especially for the colostrum, but for more than a few weeks or more than a month I don't think is good for us or for her. We'll see how it goes.

suzymarie · March 2010

cjmorgan:
Thanks ladies! I have not asked the family is they want me to donate, but I figured I'ld ask you ladies first since you know the pros and cons of the situation. For me I was planning on pumping anyways since I've heard it can get super uncomfortable anyway, but after that i'm not really sure what to do with the milk.

If the adopting family doesn't want it, there ware plenty of other people who do! Go to milkshare.org and check it out.

MainSt · March 2010

I would definitely take that offer. I wouldn't want it to go on for 6 months but definitely for the first 2-3 weeks, maybe longer if it works out. Like PP said, I would be more worried about it affecting the BM so I guess it would be a conversation we would have to have.

A great thing to offer though!

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