guys...im having serious marriage issues :(

FaithRocks · March 2010

Oh my gosh I am so so sorry that you are dealing with this!

DH has had anger issues in the past but has mellowed as he's gotten older. In your case, I am fairly certain (i hope) that he is seeing red and just saying whatever comes to mind. Surely he can't mean that. BUT, it's UNACCEPTABLE for him to be treating you like that and saying things like that to you. You are his wife and the mother of his children. That's just not right. I'd let him know that the way he treats you when he's stressed is not going to be tolerated and that you want to go to counseling. I am thinking of you and I wish you the best with this!!!

ela81 · March 2010

Nora, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My dh and I can have some pretty ugly fights, I think he says uglier things than me but we can both get pretty ugly with our words. I do think counseling could help, couples and one on one at least for him. I hate that so many of the firghts start because of that sweet beautiful baby, that part breaks my heart. My dad never had anything to do with me unless my mom made him (like she was at work, her 2nd job) and that's with him living with us as my mom did not divorce him until I was 14. I have not not talked to him in 9 years now. I know Ron and my dad are 2 different people but does he really want that for hisself and his daughter. Likee pps have said, he needs to remember you did not get yourself pg! Anyway, I'm getting all over the place with my response so I will stop now. Big hugs to you and your sweeeeeeet A.

BoxTer · March 2010

CMM05:

I just wanted to send you a big (((HUG))

I am SO sorry you have to deal with this.

I agree with what everyone else has said.

He needs to learn to deal with his stress....not take it out on you.

Please go to counseling ASAP.....do not let it get worse.

Also......as we all shall remind him: It takes TWO to have a baby.

If he didn't want to deal with working and having a family, he should have never been married and/or never had kids.

I know that sounds harsh, but men need to be reminded that just because WE are the ones who carry the PG, they are just as responsible.

Please take care of yourself and the kids.......

I completely agree. This just makes me so mad for you. You seem like a very selfless, loving person and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

JGirl2005 · March 2010

Hugs to you! I won't say your DH is completely bad. I think he can be helped.

I know my DH doesn't call me names like that, but he gets very upset. When either of us get like that, we take a break from talking or seeing each other. We go in separate directions in our house, if that makes sense. It helps not to say something we will both regret.

I agree some counseling is needed. I hope it is just a phase and he is stressed with work.

5Foot · March 2010

Nora, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I agree with many on here that you should definitely seek counseling together because this is only going to get worse by itself, not better. I have a question though. Would your husband be acting this way toward A if she were a boy? You said he has no issues with the twins, which is good but would it be different if she were a boy? I'm just asking because I know a lot of fathers deal with daughters differently than sons. I hope that's not the case but might be worth exploring. I wish you nothing but the best and send you lots of (((HUGS))). Just remember that you are an amazing person and should be respected and not spoken to like that. I hope this is a better day for you sweetie.

EverAfterinMi · March 2010

omg.. Nora. Obviously, I can relate to have 3 children in a very short amount of time ( Surprise ) and just how stressful that can be. I've never faced such a challenge in all my life. And as many people who can sympathize for you.. they have no clue until they've been there. My DH and I had what I would call the absolute ideal marriage.. until the boys came. Then, I was post partum crazy for awhile, dealing with the stress between him and my mother, I lost my job.. we moved.. the first year was well... complete chaos. And adjusting and trying to adjust "us" to the boys. Not so easy. My life is STILL chaos.

But.. I can say.. for me and my husband, it is about priorities and your DH needs to reevaluate his. They are not properly in order. Yes.. work is important of course. You need to eat. but it should NEVER come before you and the kids. you are raising these babies alone and getting verbally assalted in the process. Hell.. if I were you, I would have told him to pack his crap and get out. Sadly at this point.. would you even miss him? It sounds like more stress!

Counseling for sure. ugh.. for sure. My main issue with and my DH fighting is that the kids can just feel the tension and stress. You don't want your babies to grow up like that. you have to change it now.

hugs!!

dusk42 · March 2010

I'm so sorry. You do not deserve to be talked to that way. I won't even get into the way he treats your baby girl differently and doesn't get up with her, but no one should talk to you that way.

JillRock96 · March 2010

Oh honey, I am so sorry. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say vent away. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here to listen. (((HUGS)))

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