We met with the center director yesterday who was very nice and very accommodating. This deal is done, so starting next week DD will transition to the new room. They're willing to do anything we ask, like keeping DD's crib where it is now and having regular meetings with the director and the new teacher since we're uncomfortable with the developmental fit of the new room.
The big thing we asked for was to have a fair amount of control over her next transition. I'm consulting with a couple early childhood specialists to decide if it's better to make this intermediate room really brief (like 2 months) or keep her there longer than we otherwise would to make the transitions spaced out longer.
I'm still angry and upset, but the director honestly seemed really surprised at the strength of my reaction. She was receptive to the research I had found suggesting that transitions and changing caregivers is not good for young children and deferred to me on that. We couldn't have asked for it to go better, but I'm still really bitter. I had been planning on increasing work to 5 days a week since I am so far behind on work but am not going to make yet another transition for DD so now have been getting home, being with DD, getting myself ready for the next day, grabbing dinner, getting back to work, and then going to bed. Forget relaxing time or time with DH. This event really screwed with my life.
Thanks for all your support and making me feel like I'm not crazy to have had such a strong reaction. You ladies are the best.
Re: Update
I was really hoping they'll change their mind and not move her, I'm sorry that didn't happen. But I'm glad the meeting went well and hopefully nothing like this will happen again. And perhaps being around older kids will be good for your DD's development.
I am glad the meeting went well. I don't know what your work schedule is like now, but I can tell you that I don't think my DD has a strong enough sense of time to know if she is going to daycare 4 days a week or 5. I would think you could change your schedule without your LO even noticing.
Are they owning up to casting aside their own criteria and choosing to move her for business reasons - that's pretty aggregious since you said it's their own policy to move the children together. They should own up to that - that their policies are only good until they choose not to abide by them. I'm surprised the Director is surprised that this upsets you.
Based on my own experience, it's difficult for a 12M old to be in with 15M+ for one primary reason. My DD started daycare at 12M and I had to choose between taking an infant spot for a couple months (since she wasn't fully walking) or a toddler spot. I chose the toddler spot so she wouldn't have to transition soon, but I was concerned the first couple months as the next youngest was 15+. She was mentally okay but couldn't walk. All the other kids could run around and she was on the floor. They also went outside and she'd get dirty because she was on the ground. I was so relieved when she started walking. Make sure they pay attention to her, wash her hands more, etc.
Your DD will be fine, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this.