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Jitterbug2668
member
BOTB: So done with MIL
Jitterbug2668
member
I've vented quite a few times about my MIL but this past weekend @ my shower was the icing on the cake. My shower was supposed to be hosted by my mom and MIL. I really dont have any close friends in a position to throw me one and my mom was delighted to do it for her first grandchild. My IL's are in no position to pay for their own mortgage, nontheless anything for a shower so my mom said she'd handle everything as long as my MIL helped.
Last Friday, my parents, my mom's friend, my husband and MIL had access to the rental facility to decorate. My MIL calls my DH and tells him she doesn't have any gas money so she can't get there. DH fills her take. She runs her errands and finally meets up w/ everyone around 3pm. No big deal, it didn't take long to set things up and by that point I had gotten there to help also. She helped DH put up streamers on the ceiling and then demanded to know when we were taking her out to dinner - we had said we were going to treat everyone to dinner when we were through decorating, but apparently she wanted it right then and there or she was going home so we hurried around and finished up and took her *ss to dinner.
Saturday - day of shower, my mom and I get to the rental facility around 10 am. I totally offered to help my mom out. She's stage 4 cancer patient and I didn't want her stressed out, but I honestly thought my MIL and SIL who was home from college would help out also. Boy was I wrong to assume anything on their part. They showed up right 15 minutes prior to the start of the shower and watched me, my DH and his friend lug in an entire van full of food in the pouring down rain. Fast forward to almost the end of the shower, when my MIL jumps up and tells me she's gotta go because FIL locked himself out of the house. Here's where I get really ticked because my dad had helped out and stuck around for the entire shower. FIL drove right by the place and never once called or stopped by. Basically, everyone at MIL's table left before I was even done opening gifts including MIL and SIL because FIL locked himself out. Really? How many ppl does it take to let a man in the house? MIL ran out of there w/ a plate full of food and a bag of rolls to take to FIL and that was the last we heard of them. Shower was over at 4, yet my parents, some friends and myself stayed until 7 pm cleaning up. Seriously they could have came back and helped us clean up but I'm sure that was too much to ask.
DH and his friend left to take everything back to the house and I called DH when I left the church to tell him I was on my way home, but literally broke down in tears. My mom went out of her way to include MIL in this event because that was my MIL's main complaint about holidays, bridal shower and wedding and yet she's no where near helpful. My mom called MIL Monday to ask her what she thought of the baby shower and she didn't even compliment my mom on any of it.
MIL I'm done w/ you and your shitty ass ways. I'm so glad DH didn't turn out like you!
Sorry its so long ladies, but seriously she just plucked my last nerve.
Theresa
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BOTB: So done with MIL
ugh, I'm so sorry! The day should've been about you and celebrating the baby and should have been a fun and celebratory day, not a stressed out one!
ILs are so hard to deal with, and even harder once a grandchild enters the picture. I hope your DH is on your side when you decide not to include MIL in any events in the future.
Wow. She sounds like a real trip.
I hope she won't drive you totally nuts once the baby comes. Does your husband realize she's a little on the high maintenance side? (Trying to be polite in my phrasing.)
I'm sorry - that's terrible. And I feel bad for you mom, too, for getting caught in the MIL web.
I think do yourself a favor now and lay it on the table. Letting her get away with stuff is enabling her, and she'll just continue to screw with you. If you just exclude her in the future, she'll continue to complain about being left out, blah blah - refusing to own up that it's her own actions that are to blame. So tell her (or have your DH tell her) how you all felt about what happened and that it won't be happening again.
I think the sad part is we've talked about things. After this years thanksgiving incident where she came up to me as I was puking in the toilet saying something about how I didn't have to worry about gaining weight from dinner I had it. I was PISSED beyond belief at that and told her that her comments are out of line and that she needed to think about what she says first. Things got better...and then this happens.
Things got a little dicey when the shower planning started. Everyone had me crying here at work so I finally broke down once again and said I didn't even want a shower if everyone couldn't communicate so my mom really took the initiative to include her and call her alot about what was going on w/ the shower...and then this happens.
See a pattern here? Its like we try, try and try again. Am I missing something? I really thought things were getting better until all this.
And for those who asked, DH is totally on my side here. He was so upset at her saturday that he told her off that night. Her sister and niece stayed at our house that night because she couldn't accomodate them (we only have one spare room - she has 2 - but thats for another post lol) so we met MIL, FIL, SIL for breakfast and the sister & niece came along. Not once did she apologize. FIL just said "oh I heard you had alot of food leftover" so I asked how he knew and of course he said because MIL took him home a huge plate of food.
This is just a mess...
At least he's on your side. Even if it's small comfort while you're in the midst of all of this. I'm learning that there are some people with whom you can try 'til the cows come home and they'll just never see how hurtful or selfish they are.
Holy wow. She sounds like a major piece of work. It doesn't seem like talking to her is doing much good in the long run, since she goes back to her usual ways. Maybe if you and DH keep it up and keep mentioning to her that her behavior is unacceptable, she'll eventually get the hint.
Blech. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.