To tell the parents or not, that is the question...

luaubarbie · March 2010

What are your thoughts ladies? Have you told your parents and inlaws that you are TTC? On one hand I want to for advice and support, but on the other hand, I fear that they are going to want to get way too involved.

Jewlz018 · March 2010

Personal decision but we chose not to. When we have something to tell (like we're pregnant) that's when we will tell them.

ermaderma · March 2010

I think it depends on if they are overbearing, your relationship with them, etc.

Personally, I don't want anyone to know because I don't want everyone to ask questions, even more than they already do!

melissar617 · March 2010

My mom and stepdad know because I am really close to them. My dad does not, and I am honestly not sure about my ILs.

canthardlywait426 · March 2010

Mine didnt know until around cycle 8-9. And thats because I started having major issues.

If you think they are going to try to be too involved but you want to tell them I would suggest telling them that you are starting to TTC, but that for now you want to leave it between you and your DH. That you dont want advice, etc unless you come to them and ask for it.

*Scuzzlebutt* · March 2010

My mom knows. I didn't want to tell anyone but I ended up telling her once we hit the 6 month mark of trying for baby #2. She's very understanding (and a nurse) so I don't get stressed out with her knowing. I'm not telling MIL anything until I'm well into a pregnancy.

gsd mommy · March 2010

My mom knows, but she my bestfriend. I'm not telling my monster in law, I mean my mother-in-law. When we were pregnant last time she made sure she let me know she didn't want me to have her grandchildren Tongue Tied

jc51723 · March 2010

We haven't told anyone yet. We might if we start running into problems later, just to have some support, but for now it is just our little secret!

BethanyJayne · March 2010

Everybody is different, obviously you have to decide for yourself. We aren't telling our families. I hate it when people asks us when we are going to start trying (my fil asks/makes comments everytime we see him) I couldn't imagine what it would be like if they knew we were ttc.

MelCfromMN · March 2010

Hells no, my mom would be calling every day to see if I was knocked up. I have thought about what happens if I have IF problems, because I know she had some, but until that happens, I want to surprise her. In-laws no, they stay away from talking about all things medical.

youngin12 · March 2010

Both sets know that we want children badly and that I haven't been on the pill for a while, but they do not know we are charting and using OPK's and really trying (not just "if it happens, it happens" type thing), nor will they know. Both mothers are entirely too nosey and I feel like my mother needs to concentrate on my younger brother's deployment instead of worrying about me TTC.

canthardlywait426 · March 2010

gsd mommy:

My mom knows, but she my bestfriend. I'm not telling my monster in law, I mean my mother-in-law. When we were pregnant last time she made sure she let me know she didn't want me to have her grandchildren

Wow, rude much?? I would probably call her a monster-in-law too.

doozer1345 · March 2010

We didn't until I started having my IF problems and had to have surgery.

SC1977 · March 2010

We both have great relationships with our parents. That said, we aren't telling them anything until we're pregnant. And even then, we probably won't tell them anything until the first trimester is over. I'm insanely private and don't really like talking about the super personal stuff with anyone except my husband. My husband is on board with that because I'm sure he doesn't want his parents asking him any questions.

Temp878586125009588 · March 2010

We both decided that we didn't want to tell anyone. We have a few reason's, 1.) we don't want them getting too involved, 2.) we don't want to be asked every month and 3.) We want this journey to be our journey, no matter what crossroads we come to, or not.

sbuxsweetie · March 2010

Both sets of parents know we're TTC. Sometimes I wish we hadn't been so honest about it, but they asked, and we figured, why not? We talk about most everything else with them.

mdluv21 · March 2010

My MIL in-law knows. I am very close with her and helps me to have her to talk to. DH knows that she knows but he doesn't really talk to her about.

My mom asks me about TTC ALL THE TIME but she drives me nutty in general so I am def. not telling her anything specific. Plus she keeps saying, "Well you better be ready for sure when you stop taking BCP because all the women in our family are ridiculously fertile." Indifferent Um no, not so much mom.

Julezea · March 2010

My mom and I aren't very close, so she doesn't know, but she asks every time we talk. My MIL and I are VERY close and she knows, but she doesn't say anything. Not a word. I actually thanked her for that this weekend (because I see what some of you ladies deal with) and she said she will never- she had quite of few m/c before carrying MH to term, so she knows how hard it all can be.

mdluv21 · March 2010

lissasue3:
mdluv21:

My MIL in-law knows. I am very close with her and helps me to have her to talk to. DH knows that she knows but he doesn't really talk to her about.

My mom asks me about TTC ALL THE TIME but she drives me nutty in general so I am def. not telling her anything specific. Plus she keeps saying, "Well you better be ready for sure when you stop taking BCP because all the women in our family are ridiculously fertile." Um no, not so much mom.
Aww, foot in mouth, mom. Sorry!

Yep - she is the queen of that! Smile

Milliways · March 2010

His dad does not know. Good Thing

My mom does know. Bad Thing. We told her so she would back off on the Grandchildren talk so much. Now, she askes me "how is it going" every time she calls, and when I tell her I don't know and won't test until XX date, she will call me on that date and ask. I finally just told her, I promise you will be this first call I make. If you don't get a call from me, then you know that the result was.

McMrs · March 2010

Definitely not. My MIL would want to know everything like if we did it last night and in what position, and would call like everyday wondering what was happening. My dad calls everyday now and asks if there's any news? I keep asking him what he wants to hear and he says he's just wondering what's new. I can't imagine if he knew we were ttgp!

Ricola · March 2010

We haven't told anyone that we are ttc, because we didn't want the nagging questions all the time.

Jessiac_3 · March 2010

Jewlz018:
Personal decision but we chose not to. When we have something to tell (like we're pregnant) that's when we will tell them.

This. DH told a bunch of friends, coworkers, etc. I only told my Bestie and a coworker.

I don't want everyone going "so, any luck yet?" or anything...

NBNurse · March 2010

I haven't told my mom because I want her to be totally surprised when it happens, and I think she definitely will be. We haven't told his mom because she has a big mouth and is very pushy. That will be an issue when I do get pregnant too. I will want my mom to know early on, but I wouldn't want his mom to know until like 12 weeks. Otherwise she would totally be putting fb statuses up that are only a little vague, but don't take a rocket scientist to figure out.

lmj8284 · March 2010

oh hell no! my MIL wanted grandbabies like 3 years ago! we just got married 1 year ago! hahaha, she would bug the crap out of me if she knew we were actually TTC:)

kat81 · March 2010

My parents know that we are thinking of beginning a family soon. I think his parents know that, too.

I also made the mistake of telling my mom that I got off of BCP but that I wasn't trying yet. This was true--we used condoms at first and everything. But she's going to assume that we are trying by now or will be trying soon, because I got off the pills a while ago.

All of that being said, I think that both sets of parents won't be nosy about it. My mom would be the most likely to be nosy, but I think she'd be really helpful, too. If it takes us a while and I'm looking for help because I think something is wrong, I will definitely let my family know, including my sister, who had problem and ended up having to do IVF. (Her fertility problems had to do with her husband, though, so it's not like something runs in the family.)

I don't like to keep secrets. I like to tell people my news, even if it's pretty personal. So I think I will eventually cave. If people ask repeatedly, "when are you going to have a baby?" I might end up telling them that we are trying and that it's rude to ask such a thing, and then they'll feel bad (and hopefully not ask again.) Contrary to what a poster said here, I think that you can actually shut people up that way.

mrsseguin · March 2010

Almost everyone including friends and family knew that we were TTC when DS was 6 months old. Then I had 2 m/c. Since, if anyone asks if we are TTC, or when were planning on having another baby, we tell them maybe next year. I think it would be too stressful to be 'bothered' by people about when I would get pregnant.

ecleptic · March 2010

This is one of those questions that has no perfect answer.

WE told our parents. DH's dad because we wanted to check for genetic issues and my parents because they were driving me nuts about babies.

And that's why I get so confused about people who complain constantly about their parents asking them when they're going to get pregnant.Mine did that too. It was incredibly irritating. I can't even imagine how much more irritating it'd be if I'd been TTC for 6+ months and starting to get worried about how "easy" this baby thing would be while people were still pestering me about when we were going to start trying.

Sure I got a once a month check in of "any news yet?"- but it was less irritating by far than being constantly reminded that my niece needs cousins or that I'm getting old.... and once it became apparent that we weren't going to conceive easily- they stopped asking every month. Now my family avoids baby talk like the plague- assuming, and rightly, that it would be pretty damn thoughtless to ask if we'd finally had a pregnancy when we'd assured them for over a year we'd tell them as soon as we knew.

The most involved they got was when my sister offered to surrogate for us (she'd just learned that such things were possible and didn't understand that we were nowhere near that far into the infertility mess) and when my mom pulled me aside to tell me that her doc had told her back in '79 that she had to put a pillow under her hips and if we hadn't tried that yet- it wouldn't do any harm. It was meant well. A little frustrating but I took it in the helpful spirit it was meant.

I'd rather they knew that we were having trouble and offer pointless advice than offer thoughtless and downright painful remarks about my age (I'd be the oldest first time mom in my families recorded history at 30) or how much they want grandchildren.

ZeeDesertStar · March 2010

We told our parents after the first m/c. Probably going to tell our siblings at some point soon because of this second m/c. Its no secret we want kids, and we're way past the point of being excited about keeping it a secret. Have shared with one close friend I work with, but other than that won't be telling anyone else.

PinkLove-S · March 2010

No one knows and i like it that way. I cry less for it i think. If i kept getting questions, i think i would bust out crying because of everyone's expectations. They will find out when we tell them we are having a baby. It's none of their business IMO.

lilmgirl · March 2010

lissasue3:
We have not and we're glad we didn't.

I have told friends though and I'm slowly starting to regret it.

This is us as well.

LeggyNic · March 2010

HECK No! But apparently I'm only on this earth to give my MIL grandbabies. I won't go into her shenanigans here. My mom doesn't know because she's admitted that it's our own business and she's loving DD.

A couple of my closest bf's know.

amor_eterno · March 2010

We're not telling my parents until I know I'm KU, but even then I'm not sure if we're going to say something right away. MIL and I don't get along, so it's DH's call, but it will also be after.

e_uecker · March 2010

We told my parents. They haven't been bugging us with questions or tips. I do realize that not everyone's parents will do that though.

PDXGal7868 · March 2010

ermaderma:

I think it depends on if they are overbearing, your relationship with them, etc.

Personally, I don't want anyone to know because I don't want everyone to ask questions, even more than they already do!

This. We have mentioned we are excited about having another one soon, but left it at that. My mom randomly asked me the other day if we had anything to announce, which was annoying.

Melissa2182 · March 2010

Jewlz018:
Personal decision but we chose not to. When we have something to tell (like we're pregnant) that's when we will tell them.

This!!

mchupie · March 2010

We told our parents. It's nice to have the support every CD1.

Eris-Alexis · March 2010

We have told my parents, DH's mom and sister and a few friends. Everyone has been great about not nagging us for the most part. My MIL will occasionally ask us if we have anything to announce, but she was like that before we told her. Another friend keeps trying to bring it up and I get the feeling that even though she and her husband aren't officially trying, she is trying to make it a competition (long story). Other than that, it has been really nice having the support.

pook1105 · March 2010

My DH blurted out by accident when we first started TTC. It is taking longer this time around then it did for DS so now they are like what is taking so long, i wish he never said anything.

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