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D.C. Area Babies
Am I overreacting?
First off, I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while! All the new pictures and updates have been great.
I wanted to get some feedback on the events of the day. I love our daycare center. DD LOVES her teacher and has gotten really attached, to the point where she cries when the teacher leaves the room. She has also reached a peak of separation anxiety and cries now at drop-off. She has been at the center since July and one of the reasons we chose it was because all the kids in a class stay together and are transferred together to the next class up every summer. DD is one of two oldest in her class, born the same day.
Today, out of the blue, we get an EMAIL telling us that in a week DD will start to transition to the class above hers. This is because one of the kids in that class moved out of town and they can more easily fill an infant slot so are moving DD to free up a spot in the infant room. We didn't get asked or anything. What upsets me first is the lack of communication and getting ambushed a week before this is to take place. Most importantly, is that DD has formed a secure attachment to her primary teacher. Now she'll have to be "abandoned" and form a link to another teacher, only to have that taken away in another 3 months when she moves up again. The new teacher we really like, but the point is more the attachment/bond. This is happening at a time when DD is most fragile in this regard. I'm a psychologist - this is not a good thing to do to a kid.
Now I have a bad decision that was made for DD without consulting me and I am livid. I broke down crying in the director's office today. She was sympathetic but basically told me there's nothing we can do. I waited 14 months to get off that waitlist and pay an arm and a leg every month in tuition. I am so upset, but don't know what I can do about it. DH seems to think I'm overreacting and is worried that I've been crying all evening about it but is worried about me, not DD, and the only person we should be worried about is DD.
Okay, that was a rant. Sorry for the lengthy post after a week of absence. I'm mad and sad tonight. Am I being overreactive?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I overreacting?
I do not think you're overreacting at all. I would be very upset as well. So if your DD is one of 2 oldest, why did they choose your DD to move? How did they arrive at that decision? I wonder if it would be possible to ask the other baby's parents if they wouldn't mind if their child moved? Perhaps if they didn't mind, that would be a good resolution for everyone.
By the way, I love your siggy pic - your DD is absolutely beautiful.
I would be upset too, what did the director mean "nothing they can do??" When you signed up, did they give you any paperwork that said DD will be moved at a certain age/date? If so, can you use that to make your point asking your DD to stay for another 3 mos?
If she were to move now for another year, I'd say - let it go, but they are going to move her again in 3 mos? That doesn't make any sense!
I like the suggestion of asking if they can move the other child, who shares your DD's bday.
It seems like the center is only doing this to make money by adding another infant to the room.
I don't necessarily think you're overreacting, but, I'm not sure there's much you can do about it. While your DC center is in the business of caring for children, they are also in the business of making money. And, if they feel they can make more money by adding an infant, that's what they are going to do. They probably figure that if you were to leave over this (which it sounds like you like it there and wouldn't), they can easily fill the spot with another infant off of their waiting list.
I know you are concerned about your child (as you should be), but try not to worry. Kids are so adaptable. It may be a bit of a tough transition, but in the end, she'll be fine. Or, she may surprise you and do fine from the start. And, to look for the positive in this not-so-great situation, now she'll get a chance to hang out with the bigger kids and learn from them for a while instead of always being the oldest.
I think communication is the number 1 thing in a DC situation--and they have displayed an extreme lack of communication. I would be upset too.
With that said, DS attends the Goddard School and I trust their judgement when it comes to decisions like this. However, I know they would discuss the decision with me (they have teacher/parent/director conferences when this occurs to talk about the situation). Three months in that class isn't a long time--the shortest time period for current students is 6 months in a class, and even then they move them up only when the child is ready. They also have a transition period of a time period that is sufficient for the child. They introduce the child to the new teacher/class, they child spends time there, and that continues until they are ready to be moved up completely. That doesn't mean that the child doesn't have some kind of difficulty, they always do, but it's important to move up into another class as well. I trust my son's school to make the right decison for HIM not THEM. I have seen this in that they actually had a child that wasn't quite ready to move up (and was a few months over the age range) stay in his class even though there was a slot available in the next class.
What I'm getting at is that I would actually contemplate moving my child to another day care if I had the feelings you did. I think you don't completely trust them and if money if the motivating factor for them, then I would not want my child in that school. I know they are in the business of making money, but this is YOUR CHILD and they should have YOUR CHILD's best interest in mind at all times, regardless if it means they will love a few bucks. They could lose a lot more than a few bucks if they sacrifice the welfare of the children that attend their school.
I would also be upset, but you should also realize that the transitions for the next few months will be difficult.
I had a really hard time when my DD was transitioned from her infant room, too. She was a late walker, so she had spent well over a year in that room. She loved the teachers, I understood the routine, etc. We both struggled with the transition, but once she was in the next room, I realized the developmental and educational benefits.
Our center has a toddler room and since my DD was older, she was not in that room long before she transitioned to the 2 year old room. So the transitions were frequent. She has now been in the 3 yr old room since Oct. (2.5 yrs old) and loves it. She has gotten better with transitions and so have I. She has loved each teacher as much as the last.
I would trust your center and your DD. She will learn to adapt quickly and may really enjoy the interactions with older/same age children.
I would be upset, and their communiction is appalling. They should know that would upset most parents.
Presumably, they have criteria (e.g., development, age) for when children are moved. Are they not following their own criteria, which you have based your expectations? It sounds like the center sets the expectation that the children rise together. Their business case should not be the only criterion that matters.
What are the ages of the children of the room she'll be transferring into? (I also don't understand why she'd have to move again in three months. Wouldn't she stay in this new class?) If she needs to move, make sure you understand the transition plan - and ensure it really means a transition. If done correctly, it will be okay. I'd also talk to the Director again when you've had time to digest things - and let her know your expectations/understanding for the future and how this wasn't handled well for you.
One note from personal experience, are the new kids all walking and can your DD walk, too? - rather than crawls most of the time. Toddler rooms aren't as clean (shoes vs no shoes) as infant rooms if your DD will be on the floor. I'd point that out.
Like PP, I agree that the communication issue is huge. They might feel "there's nothing they can do" but it's still BS that they thought an email was the best way to let you know, especially if moving with the class was a big selling point for the center. And as for crying about it, I have cried over far less so I don't think you're overreacting! :-)
Re: the attachment issue, I can understand your concerns. I'm also in the mental health field and obviously the benefits of secure and consistent attachment aren't up for debate! If your hand is forced and she ends up moving, I do think she'll be ok. You and your husband are her primary caregivers and at 1yo, her perception of the world is probably that it's a safe place. If the new teacher is nurturing and attentive, she will be able to form a new attachment. Maybe it would even be good that she learns that there are other people that will meet her needs?
I'm just trying to make lemonade out of lemons for you...this situation does suck, I'm sorry it's happening. :-(
This was my question too. Are they proposing to move her from the infant class to the next class up early? It doesn't make sense to move her twice in six months! That and the lack of communication as well as the random selection of your child would concern me.
Our center has a pretty detailed transition plan laid out. DS moved up to the next class much earlier than the kids his own age because he was standing and starting to cruise quicker. At our center the infants and mobile infants (next class up) hang out in the mobile infant class room for the first couple of hours of the day so the infants can get to know the teachers. When they transition it is over the course of a week and they spend time with their current teachers in order to bridge the gap.
I am really sorry you are dealing with this.
Thanks, everyone. I feel better knowing that others would be upset too. We have another appointment with the center director this afternoon. Basically, because they move all the kids together in the summer, DD will have to move to the older classroom in July. This in-between class is for 15-20 month olds (just about). Her class is 7-`12 months now. She'll be way behind in the new class. She will be the only one not walking even though verbally she's almost on par. She was supposed to stay where she is until July except that they needed the space so she'll be in Class 1 from July 2009 - March 2010, in Class 2 from March 2010 - July 2010, and then in Class 3 from July 2010-July 2011. They don't move kids based on ability, they move them in groups, which is why we liked this program.
I've been pulling together articles and talking to my colleagues who are early childhood specialists and am bringing arguments for why I think it is harmful. We know they've already offered someone a spot so have to move DD, so we're going to try to negotiate us controlling her next transition when we feel she's ready. We'll also be talking about how communication has to change. I'll keep you posted but really appreciate the support. I'm feeling dismayed and betrayed since I have really loved every other aspect of this center...
Good luck this afternoon!
Thanks for the explanation of the different classes. At our center it is divided somewhat differently (3-9 months, 9-18 months and kids move up based on development, not age) so I was turned around.
I hope it works out for you all!
I would definitely bring up the non-walking thing. Luckily at our DC they stay in one place until 16 months, because my DS is 12 mo and not yet walking unassisted! I wouldn't want him being the only nonwalker with bigger kids running around that might knock him over, etc.
Don't cry over it, although I know it's frustrating! Stand your ground, and if they can't work with you I'd start looking for another place - their lack of communication and inflexibility probably points towards problems to come!
I would be really upset as well. I think you're doing a great thing by meeting with her again, with the research/reasons. I would still be pushing to have her stay in the group she's in for the next three months, if that is possible.