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2nd Trimester
MrsMommyQ
member
Ladies who don't plan to BF
MrsMommyQ
member
I'm on the fence with BFing. I am leaning towards formula feeding and was wondering what factors made others decide not to BF.
NO flames please. I realize BFing is a personal decision. It happens to be a personal decision I'm having a tough time making, and I want to talk to others who are in the same boat.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ladies who don't plan to BF
I'm on the fence too so I'm really glad you posted this.
For me it might be a supply issue but I'm not sure on so many other things. DH doesn't care either way and he says it's my decision since it's my body.
My DH is the same--which I appreciate bc I dont feel any pressure from him to do one thing or the other.
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
I did BF with DS and will again with this next one BUT see reasons why not too. If you work full time and pumping will not fit into your schedule, it will be next to impossible to BF exclusively. If your DH is not completely on board it will also be very difficult. If you're not up for/prepared all the trials and tribulations of BFing (is my baby gettting enough?, blocked ducts, mastitis, leaky boobs, can I drink alcohol?, etc...) then you will quickly give up. If it's more for personal reasons (ie. you just don't want too), then that's a different story.
Read as much as you (and your DH) can about breastfeeding and it may help you make your decision.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing! I had HORRIBLE experiences with my first two for various issues, which is leading me to the "compromise" try with this next baby.
What I'm going to do: breastfeeding in the hospital and as much as I want to at home. Also, pump as much milk as I can get during the day (may do some at night, too - depending on how I feel) and supplement with formula for the rest. When my milk is gone, it's gone and then I'll move straight to all formula - whether that takes weeks, months, days, whatever.
It is a hard decision, but it's even harder if you've never tried before - I suggest trying to see how it goes and if you feel the need give formula - no big deal. Have everything you need for formula ready to go and for breastfeeding and then make the decision when the baby gets here:)
I do actually plan to breastfeed (I did with C for 9 months), but I wanted to say that if you want to ask anything or chat about it, I'm happy to discuss it in a non-flame-y way. I know a lot of people have very mixed feelings about breastfeeding and I'm happy to discuss my experience if it's of use to anyone.
I'm on the fence big time.
For one, I know I will not pump at work - so even if I do BF it won't be for long.
Also, my sister had horrible supply issues and had her heart set on breastfeeding. Her inability to provide enough sent her into horrible PPD (I?m talking super bad PPD that lead to inpatient therapy for a few months). I know there is a chance that I won't have that problem but it scared the crap out of me - enough to make BFing (or at least having expectations to BF) seem like too much to take on.
I'm curious about some things...
One- you seem to be asking for people to talk you into formula feeding because you are only asking for those stories and not stories that might cause you to get off the fence on the other side.
Two- "use it or loose it" Breastfeeding is pretty much a one time chance... once you turn away from it- it's extremely hard if not impossible to get it back. on the other hand- formula will always be ready and on hand easy to get any time you need it. You can't do formula and then choose to breastfeed if it doesn't work out... but you can do it the other way around. By choosing to feed formula first- you actually limit your options- but by starting with breastfeeding- you actually retain more options for yourself.
Three- Is this something you need to make a decision about now? Is this a decision that needs to be a black or white choice? Where does nursing for a month and then formula feeding fit in?, or nursing most of the time, but supplementing with formula etc. Must you approach the question so rigidly? There are many gray areas between both sides of the fence you are on.
The reason I'm asking for reasons people are deciding TO formula feed is because I feel I have a good knowledge of why people choose to breast feed. I've read about BFing quite a bit and understand why many moms choose to BF.
Basically I'd like to BF but I'm terrified of the pain and the difficulty of it. I have a feeling I'll quit as soon as the going gets rough. I know it's not going to be easy and fear I'll quit right away and feel like a failure. It may appear to you that I'm approaching this from a rigid standpoint, but I'm not. I'm trying to think about this ahead of time so I'm prepared.
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
My best advice then is to go into it with an open mind, since you say you'd like to BF. Set small goals for yourself (1 week, until you go back to work, whatever) or don't set goals at all. You won't know what will happen until you're in the thick of it. If it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up. However long (or not long) you make it, you're not a failure, so long as you're feeding your kid.
I know how hard the feelings of failure and guilt can be. But, if you don't try the feelings of "maybe I should have tried" will be just as strong. If you already know that formula is a healthy choice as well and that babies will thrive on it, then you are already set! So, you could simply try it out and see how it goes, if (even after a few days) you don't like it - you can stop. Then, at least you can say you tried:) I always have people asking me (still) about breastfeeding Natalie and why I stopped - as much as I'd like to tell them to "shove it," it's much easier to say - "oh, we tried, but it just didn't work out.) lol!
I'm all for choice whether it's FF or BF - it doesn't much matter to me. I have great experiences with formula - my girls are happy, healthy, and strong (and Olivia is very intelligent, as well). But, keep in mind for some women breastfeeding comes easily (not for me - but, my sister had a ridiculously easy time with it), and it's always nice to know which category you (meaning myself) fall into:)
There are a lot of benefits to FFing for some women. But if the fear of pain and difficulty are the issues scaring you, then at least try bfing. It's NOT always hard or painful. You can always quit, no quilt necessary. FF is a valid choice and it'll *always* be available, but if you don't start, you can not decide to bf 1-2 months after baby arrives for example.
I pretty much agree with everything you've said MommyQ.
I'm afraid of failure and pain. Failure mostly because my mom tried BFing with me and I was allergic. 10 of 11 cousins were also allergic. So while it may be easy to switch to formula, if I make the effort and can't do it, that just brings up problems with myself.
I also am not comfortable with my body, so feeding in front of family and friends will not be something I'll want to do. I had a friend who BF, and she was fine with feeding in front of me, though she didn't really doing it in front of my H. But, that's an issue I have myself.
So as much as I'd love the bonding experience, and to just experience what it is like I am definitely leaning towards formula myself. We may even have to go to soy if he's allergic like all of myself and cousins were. Although, I'm not sure about my nieces. They may have been fine with regular formula, have to ask my sister.
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I am planning to BF again. I tried hard with DD and could only do it for 3.5 months due to supply issues. If you decide to formula feed, it can only be for your own reasons. Some are just uncomfortable with BF, or do not want to be the sole source of food for the baby. Everyone is different. I suggest waiting until the baby is here and then decide. You never know. There is nothing wrong with formula- it is great stuff...but BF is great too.
Also- I kow a set of identical twins who had babies 3 weeks apart. One mommy had horrid supply issues and the other had oversupply. You never can tell what your body will allow you to do until you try!
Breastfeeding is difficult, tv shows and movies make it seem like it just magically happens and that isn't the case. Yes it is natural but there is a learning curve for both mother and baby.
With DD, I ended up pumping for 9 months Becasue she would not stay on, 3 lactaction consultants and 3 months of trying and it never worked.
It is a personal decision, but don't go into it, thinking it will be painful etc. It will be tough but if you get past the first 6 weeks it gets much much easier.
I am just going to keep an open mind. I cannot pump once I return work so I will only be BF for about 8-10 weeks. I am just going to do the best I can but not let it get me down!
This for me too! BF'ing failed for my last two: 1st milk just dried up at 5 weeks and he was EBF; 2nd BF went great until 2 week appt and they said she hadn't even gained her birth weigh back
Some BreatMilk is better than none for baby.
I feel the same way. I go back and forth about it. I figure that I will not KNOW until he gets here.
This is pretty much exactly my plan, too! I definitely want the experience of BFing, but I'm also not anti-formula at all, and I'm hoping to be very relaxed about the whole thing.
I was so set on BFing DS and we had lots of trouble. I did continue to pump for him for a few months until I started formula. Honestly, it really messed me up. I felt like I huge failure because I was so set on doing it and I just couldn't get it to work. I would have been a much better Mother those first months if I would have started the formula sooner. I still want to try to BF with this one and hopes it works out. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it if it's just too much.
Since your on the fence, I would reccomend keeping an open mind and waiting until the baby is here to deciede. You could try it in the hospital and if you just don't like it or don't think it's a good fit for your family ask the nurse for a bottle. You need to do whats best for your sanity and for your family. BFing is hard work! Yea you don't have to mess with bottles and stuff but that doesn't mean that its easy.
For me, the decision to BF was because I wanted the bond, it was cheaper than formula (I was a SAHM for a year), and to help get back in shape. All of those were positive for me too. But, I was open to the option of FF if any problems arose.
My advice would be go into it with an open mind. Maybe try it in the hospital and for a couple of weeks. If you like it, continue. If not, then FF. You don't want to look back and wish you had tried BF. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself. I have a friend who did with both her babies. She just did not have the supply but hated to admit it. She'd nurse for 45 minutes, then give a whole bottle to a screaming infant who would slurp it down. Obviously, they were not getting any from her. She was so upset about it, she kept trying to the point of exhaustion and pain....even though she knew as a 1st grade teacher, she was not going to pump at school, so she was not going to continue past 8 weeks anyway.
Anyway, sounds like you will have an open mind of you try. And just weigh your reasons.
I will probably mostly FF but I am going to give BF a whirl in the hospital and when I get home for a while. My reasons: I expect to have PPD. I have been off my medication throughout pregnancy and struggling. I am dying to get back on.. so once the going gets rough, I will do that (my antidepressant is not BF friendly)
My other reason? I selfishly want my body back. This pregnancy has been hard on me. And I have to do it again very soon since we want two and I'm getting up there in age. I want to eat and drink what I want again. It would be very hard for me to go another year in this state, esp while working.
I was FF as was DH and my mom's 4 kids. We are all healthy and happy. Don't kill yourself over it. Do what you think is best.. and as PP say, give it a try if you think you want to.. you may end up liking it.