So petty and childish, but I need to vent.

Daisy77 · March 2010

I have mentioned before the issues I have with my SIL (DH's sister). It all started when she got pg with her DD (niece), took advantage of ILs, became full of herself, etc. Before that, she was great and was even a bridesmaid-I was MOH- in my sister's wedding 3 years ago (she was newly pg with niece). She became close to my cousin (the other bridesmaid) which was awesome because my cousin had just moved here and was in need of a new social group. She was excited to have a new great friend. Well, like I said, SIL's "greatness" didn't last.

The only way that I can really described it is by saying that SIL is kind of a friend wh*re. She becomes "besties" with darn near every female she meets and after 6 months or so she moves on. She did that to my cousin. She did it to my sister. She preys on people during happy times (weddings, babies, etc.) just to be included and when the event is done, usually so is she. She had her bday party last weekend and my cousin and her bf (both invited...along with 800+ FB friends. Seriously. Only 30 or so showed) came with DH and I. SIL hardly gave my cousin a glance or a "hi".

My brother and his wife were married last year. As usual, SIL buddied up to my brother's wife and they included her in the wedding duties (I wasn't, long story). Wedding happens...and of course, SIL "disappears". Then....my brother's wife gets pg. With twins. Brother's wife is always posting about the babies on FB, uploading pics, etc. You never see a comment or "like" from SIL. Ever. She comments on other people's statuses, photos, etc. so it's not like she just doesn't comment on stuff.

Now, believe it or not, after all that, here is my issue: My sisters and I are hosting a baby shower for my brother's wife. I get along great with her (yes, the wedding thing was a bit touchy, but we've moved on:) and am so excited to host a shower for my yet-to-be-born nieces:) She just emailed me the invite list. Local family and a few close friends (her family lives in Iowa so her sister is throwing shower there to accommodate the older relatives who don't travel). One of those "close" friends? SIL. :::sigh::: I don't get it. She knows my issues with SIL and how she has treated people, I had to tell her when some stuff went a little wonky and it involved SIL. I also know that SIL doesn't contact her a whole lot (I'll admit it, I asked. And explained why. And that I didn't want it to happen to her because it's damn near the same situation as it was with my cousin: new to area, not many friends outside of work, etc.). I just don't know how she warranted an invite...DH's other sister wasn't invited so it's not entirely family related. I think a part of her is holding onto a little hope that SIL will be different with her. A big part of me says she won't. And I *hate* somehow winding up in the middle just because she's DH's sister and they are on my side of the family.

Like my subject title says, this is childish and petty, but it frustrates me. I feel sorry for SIL, I don't think she has any true friends. If that is the way she wants to roll, fine. Just don't do it to MY family. People that you WILL see again at my children's bday parties. People that you ignore until you run out of people to chat with (and then act so thrilled to see them...apparently they weren't that exciting 2 hours ago?).

I hate that this bothers me. I hate that I can't talk to SIL and explain how her behavior has become a pain in my a** when I see my family hurt. SIL would take great offense and create a huge thing over it because in her eyes I would be, well, mean. I could sugar coat it or have a big ol' "come to Jesus" talk with her and it would still wind up with her as the victim.

I know that this isn't my problem to fix but it's so frustrating to watch and I just needed to vent. It's so childish. Petty. Ridiculous. And never-ending. And for what it's worth, I am not the only one who sees SIL this way. I'm just the only one married into DH's family with a larger family of my own that I'm close to and that she can attach herself to. BIL's wife doesn't really speak to her family (yeah, that wedding was interesting). DH's other sister is single...she enjoys hanging out with my family as well but she doesn't become besties with them or pretend they don't exist when the fun stuff is over.

I use to be so close to this SIL until she entered her self-involved stage. She'll be all over these babies until they get mobile and require a little more work. After that the "support" she'll offer my brother and his wife, support that they will need, could very well, and mostly likely, be gone.

I can't stop her from being friends with my family and yes, they're also at fault when they know how she is, but damn it sucks when she unofficially "un-friends" them.

If you made it this far, bless you. It's long and I'm sure very redundant, but I just really needed to vent.

BeanieWeanie · March 2010

She sounds lovely!! I can see how irritating it must be but there's really not much you can do from what you've said. If you've warned people and they don't listen, that's their problem.

Kitten80 · March 2010

Sorry to hear how she is. My new soon-to-be SIL has turned out to be not what I thought - we started getting real close & then things fell apart (my own vent, ha ha)...and I had other people that would attach for fun stuff then disappear when the real life took hold. All you can do is kindly warn them, and then grit your teeth. I don't know why people (in my life especially women) stink ::hugs::

lms_bride · March 2010

I just wanted to say vent away. Its okay to be a little petty and childish once in awhile . At least you can see it in yourself... and yes, I would be totally irritated with my SIL too. I have my own BIL/SIL issues that I have posted about so I understand. It is not rational or really even your business how she treats others but I can understand why it'd bug you.

Try to focus on something positive in your life... she is not positive. (I am giving myself this advice as much as I am giving it to you).

Daisy77 · March 2010

Thanks ladies..I don't know why I let it bother me, it's wasted energy. I just don't want to see my brother's wife hurt, but what else can I do? She knows how SIL is, but continues to open things up to her. Honestly, this baby shower could come and go without SIL getting an invite and she probably wouldn't even notice. If she does come, I'd bet a LOT of money that she would immediately go home and friend request the other friends that were at the shower, even though there is a good chance she'll never see them again. Some people collect stamps or coins, she collects an audience Wink

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So petty and childish, but I need to vent.

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