family vent

tomandcourt · March 2010

This is minor, but it's so annoying. We've made it pretty clear that DS's bedtime is 6:30. This is something he chose himself - it's not like we picked it. Regardless . . . our ILs have a hard time believing that it's actually true, because when DH was little he stayed up with them. I find it annoying that every time they call at 8:00, they can't believe DS is asleep.

Now, my aunt has invited us over for dinner next week to celebrate my mom's birthday (which was yesterday). We had discussed that we'd try to get there early, around 4, since we'll need to leave by about 5:30 to get DS home in time for bed. She was the one who suggested starting early.

Tonight she chatted me on facebook to ask when we should start for dinner. When I reminded her of the time constraints, she asked if we could just stay later since it was a "special night" and maybe DS could just "crash there." I offered to try to come earlier, but she says she won't be ready for people by then. Fair enough, but now she's trying to guilt me into staying longer by saying DS is the "star of the show" and the main reason people are coming over (?!).

I feel like they're not respecting our decisions and routines. I don't really know how to respond . . . I already said no to crashing there, and that we'd try to stay as long as we could, which is when she responded with the "star of the show" comment. Gah!

Thanks for letting me vent . . .

jacks24 · March 2010

That stinks. I know how it goes. Both my girls went to bed between 6 and 6;30 at that age, and even now, babygirl goes to bed at 6:30. I totally understand the notion of keeping them up late for special occasions, but when we tried to do that this weekend, babygirl cried the entire 30 minute car ride home. It was awful. She is just not good at breaking her routine, and we are the ones that suffer.

I'm willing to budge when we see our families, since they all live out of state. But if you see these people often, I think you should stick to your guns. Just leave at the time you stated you will leave. And maybe next time, they will make dinner earlier. If not, their loss.

DCHappy2B · March 2010

i agree. stick to your guns. No one knows your baby like you do.

MrsTiara · March 2010

Stick to your guns! BabyCrown needs his routine or we spend a couple of days paying for it. The time for special "late" nights is when kids are old enough to be able to sleep in, and don't need naps. It's also amazing how our parents & their generation seem to forget that they did the same thing way back when.

Sofka · March 2010

stick to your guns, him being the star of the show is not for him or for you or your DH, it's for your aunt! Your family will be the one paying the consequences if he's off routine. Just tell them (if you must) "if he doesn't go to bed at his regular time, we will all be up several times a night in the middle of the night for the next several days" and leave it at that. And then still leave at the time you have to leave, if nothing else - just to prove your point. If you stay later this time around, they'll expect it next time and the time after...

mlvmd · March 2010

We have the same problem. All of the inlaws call after 7:00 pm (bedtime) and are shocked that DS is asleep. We have told them this is when he goes to bed numerous times. Often they like to call (skype) a few minutes before 7pm and then have him stay on the line until after he wants to go to bed. I put my foot down and said that they shouldn't call within a half hour of bedtime. Since I do bedtime 5 days a week I said it was my decision since I had to bear the consequences. I am not always the most popular person with the inlaws.

membrn · March 2010

I don't have my kid yet, but from experience with my sister's kids, it is the parents and kid that suffers, not everyone else that benefits from the "star of the show!" Stick to your guns! And good luck. This is one thing I dread about being a parent but I'll do it

vml14 · March 2010

To provide a different perspective... I think I'd probably go, and stay later, and know that I might pay the consequences. It's unreasonable to assume that everything will always fit your schedule, so for special occasions, I think it's worth it to break routine. For me, a birthday dinner for my mom would qualify as a special occasion. Dinner out with friends would not.

In this case, I'd probably stay until my LO's bedtime, and maybe even try to stretch it a bit longer depending on how LO was doing. Then I'd do our bedtime routine there, and put LO into the carseat and go. Hopefully he'll fall asleep on the ride home, and then you can either leave him in there or transfer to the crib once you get home. We've travelled to my parents' house many times at night, and have put LO down at bedtime inthe car seat, drove to their house, did a little nursing session once we arrived, and she was right back to sleep. In my opinion, routines are important, but flexibility is too.

eeclem · March 2010

I tend to agree with vml14 - continuity is important, but so is a little bit of flexibility. We have C out and up past his bedtime probably one a month and it's never been a big deal. He tends to take a car nap on the way there, which seems to allow him to stay up a little longer, and then when we get home we do the usual bedtime routine and he goes down like normal.

Actually, most of the times he has STTN, it was when we were out and kept him up past his usual bedtime. It might not be as disastrous as you think.

Hey Jellisy · March 2010

vml14:
To provide a different perspective... I think I'd probably go, and stay later, and know that I might pay the consequences. It's unreasonable to assume that everything will always fit your schedule, so for special occasions, I think it's worth it to break routine. For me, a birthday dinner for my mom would qualify as a special occasion. Dinner out with friends would not.

In this case, I'd probably stay until my LO's bedtime, and maybe even try to stretch it a bit longer depending on how LO was doing. Then I'd do our bedtime routine there, and put LO into the carseat and go. Hopefully he'll fall asleep on the ride home, and then you can either leave him in there or transfer to the crib once you get home. We've travelled to my parents' house many times at night, and have put LO down at bedtime inthe car seat, drove to their house, did a little nursing session once we arrived, and she was right back to sleep. In my opinion, routines are important, but flexibility is too.

I'm in the flexibility camp as well. DD is surprisingly good at parties past her bedtime. There is just so much going on and she loves all the excitement that she is great while there. Sometimes she fusses in the car ride home, most times she falls asleep and we just nurse when we get home before going to bed again. We don't do this often, but when we do, we rarely regret it.

tracy042206 · March 2010

At that age I go as far as maybe 1 hour for flexibility if it was really that important to my family. Any more than that and we would ALL be beyond miserable. Although I hate it when family doesn't understand the whole bedtime thing and how hard it is at that age. When they are older it is not as big of a deal and I think sometimes they just forget that when they are that young they need so much more sleep and routine is what you live by. Can't the family get together on a weekend day?

vtmezzo · March 2010

I'm in the flex camp too, since it's a special occasion. I know how bad it can be when the bedtime routine gets disrupted but I figure it's all part of having a little one. We rarely disrupt naps or bedtime but once in a while I figure it's not a big deal. But if you're really wanting to stay in the routine, do what you think is best - it's your family and your schedule.

tomandcourt · March 2010

Thanks for all the support, everyone. I do plan to see if we can stretch it there until 6ish, but we've never had good luck pushing back DS's bedtime - he generally has a meltdown before we get to 7:00, can't calm down enough to eat, and then is up a lot during the night. He's also not a good car sleeper.

We made exceptions at Christmas and Thanksgiving, but it doesn't seem worth it for this since my aunt is the one pushing and my mom is fine with the schedule.

JKM416 · March 2010

We've learned the hard way that pushing our kids past their bedtimes (or even naptimes) ends badly about 90% of the time. When we traveled with DD at 5.5 months so our families could meet her, she was a screaming mess the entire week because no one seemed to get that we NEEDED to leave to get to the hotel at night, that 30-minute naps in the car weren't adequate, etc. We would try, but it's so frustrating when people don't respect that - and as a PP said, it's you and DH and DS who will pay the price. Maybe tell your aunt that there is no way DS will be the "star of the show" if he's thrown off his routine. He likely will not be the smiling, cooing baby who is happy being held by anyone and everyone that they're anticipating. I would tell her that you'll *try* to push him a little later, but you're making no guarantees - and at the first sign there may be trouble, you and DH are grabbing DS and getting out of there. Have his diaper bag packed and ready to go at a moment's notice, make sure your car isn't blocked in by others, and so on.

Want a personalized experience?

family vent

Re: family vent

Choose Another Board

Search Boards