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Age for a Funeral?

darvadarva
in Houston Babies

What age do you guys think is appropriate for a kiddo to go to a funeral? 

DH's grandma passed last Friday, the funeral is tomorrow.  Micaela had planned on going to her dad's on Thursday for the rest of Spring Break, but now after talking to them last night has started saying she doesn't want to go and wants to go to her dad's right now.  I honestly think this is them pushing on her that they don't see why she should go b/c she's not "her" grandma.  No, she's not and Micaela didn't know her when she was well, but she spent a good amount of time with her.  I'm not sure what to do.  I don't want to 'scar' her by making her go, but I also think that 10 is old enough to handle it.  (and I honestly think it's her dad putting crap in her head, rather than her not wanting to go)  I mean... by 10, I had been to my grandpa, grandma and my dad's funerals... so I guess I look at it as just a part of life and you have to deal with it. 

Any opinions?  :) 

~*~Jenn~*~
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Re: Age for a Funeral?

  • KelleyAKelleyA
    I would say that 10-12 is the earliest I'll let my kiddos go.  I think it's best for kids to remember people as they were in life and not death. 
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  • trishaggie01trishaggie01
    imagedarva:

    What age do you guys think is appropriate for a kiddo to go to a funeral? 

    DH's grandma passed last Friday, the funeral is tomorrow.  Micaela had planned on going to her dad's on Thursday for the rest of Spring Break, but now after talking to them last night has started saying she doesn't want to go and wants to go to her dad's right now.  I honestly think this is them pushing on her that they don't see why she should go b/c she's not "her" grandma.  No, she's not and Micaela didn't know her when she was well, but she spent a good amount of time with her.  I'm not sure what to do.  I don't want to 'scar' her by making her go, but I also think that 10 is old enough to handle it.  (and I honestly think it's her dad putting crap in her head, rather than her not wanting to go)  I mean... by 10, I had been to my grandpa, grandma and my dad's funerals... so I guess I look at it as just a part of life and you have to deal with it. 

    Any opinions?  :) 

    I am in a step situation as well, and it is sooo frustrating when bio-parents do this.  We went thru this with our children when my grandmother passed away. 

    I sent you a PM.

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  • LisaK2bLisaK2b member

    It depends on how close the person is to us.  When my grandmom and dad passed away, all my little cousins (from 16 yo down to 2 years old) went to the funeral home for prayer service every evening.  We didn't have the little kids (under 7) go to the burial at the cementary though. 

    If the person is someone that the kid doesn't know and it would be their first funeral, then I probably wouldn't have them go until they're 12 or something.  Seeing someone in an open casket (especially someone you don't know) would probably freak them out. 

    Lisa. mommy to Emmy and Ally image
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  • darvadarva

    imageKelleyA:
    I would say that 10-12 is the earliest I'll let my kiddos go.  I think it's best for kids to remember people as they were in life and not death. 

    I agree... but she is 10, so I'm a little on the edge of do I have her go or not.  I did tell her she could at least go to the viewing (but not have to go up and see her... I don't even like to do that) and the Rosary tonight and then go to her dad's.  (she's called me twice this morning to have her dad come and get her and since I can't really get into it all at work with them, this seemed like the easiest solution.) I just want her to understand that you should at least pay your respects to those people who have had an impact of some sort in your life, yanno?  

    ~*~Jenn~*~
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  • noyoucomeherenoyoucomehere
    This is a hard one. I know that at age 12 I went to my first funeral and was scarred by it. For me, I was just too young, hadn't had conversations about death being a part of life and was unprepared to see a dead body. Noone told me about what the funeral would be like. It was my great grandmother that I wasn't particularly fond of; that image of her in the coffin has stuck with me forever and it's really what I focused on. So, I guess I personally would want to let her make her own decision about going. But that's solely based on how I felt at that funeral and my experiences up to that point.
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  • LisaK2bLisaK2b member
    imageLisaK2b:

    It depends on how close the person is to us.  When my grandmom and dad passed away, all my little cousins (from 16 yo down to 2 years old) went to the funeral home for prayer service every evening.  We didn't have the little kids (under 7) go to the burial at the cementary though. 

    If the person is someone that the kid doesn't know and it would be their first funeral, then I probably wouldn't have them go until they're 12 or something.  Seeing someone in an open casket (especially someone you don't know) would probably freak them out. 

    Just wanted to add that we were very surprise that all the kids were very comfortable during the prayer service and even went up to the casket to pay their respect or say "bye".  They weren't scared at all....In fact, afterwards, they ran around the funeral home and outside playing like it was nothing. 

    Lisa. mommy to Emmy and Ally image
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  • darvadarva

    imagenoyoucomehere:
    This is a hard one. I know that at age 12 I went to my first funeral and was scarred by it. For me, I was just too young, hadn't had conversations about death being a part of life and was unprepared to see a dead body. Noone told me about what the funeral would be like. It was my great grandmother that I wasn't particularly fond of; that image of her in the coffin has stuck with me forever and it's really what I focused on. So, I guess I personally would want to let her make her own decision about going. But that's solely based on how I felt at that funeral and my experiences up to that point.

    She went quite often to see her and really enjoyed doing so.  I understand not wanting to remember her 'that way' so I in no way want to 'force' her to see the body or whatever... but this isn't the first death that we've had although she was ~6 when my uncle died and I didn't take her with me b/c I felt she was WAY too young then.  I guess I'm an exception, since by her age I had been to 3 funerals all of people very very close to me so it's harder for me to really 'judge' what's appropriate. :/

    ~*~Jenn~*~
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  • BettyJoeBettyJoe
    In my family there are always tons of kids at funerals. It is just like any other family gathering. We love togehter, we mourn together.
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  • BritanyVBritanyV

    imageBettyJoe:
    In my family there are always tons of kids at funerals. It is just like any other family gathering. We love togehter, we mourn together.

    ITA   We took Mason to my grandfather's funeral in November, he was 16 months old at the time.

     

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers image image image
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  • tmp-969886500003101tmp-969886500003101 member
    I took Aiden to my Grandma's funeral, he was 13 months.  I attended my great grandma's funeral at age 10.  I really think it depends on the child and if you think she is able to handle it. I really don't think there is a magic age that they are ready. I think the first funeral for anyone is a little scary not matter what age.
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  • TexasPaigeTexasPaige

    For me, it is entirely dependent on how close of a relative it is. I went to my grandfather's funeral when I was 8, and my little brother went to our other grandfather's funeral when he was 7. I can't imagine either one of us not going since these are very close family members. It was my first funeral to attend, and I didn't go to another one until my great-grandmother died years later. 


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  • kat.in.the.hatkat.in.the.hat
    honestly, I think it's best for her to just go to visitation and the rosary tonight and leave it at that.  You certainly don't want to force her to go and have her act out, leaving you to deal with that.  I think tonight would be enough and maybe she'll be able to deal more with her emotions and even want to go to the funeral tomorrow.
    image
    j+k+m+e | running with needles
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  • aprilprincessaprilprincess

    imageBettyJoe:
    In my family there are always tons of kids at funerals. It is just like any other family gathering. We love togehter, we mourn together.

    i agree. if she knew her in life i don't see a reason not to go. the only time the kids went home was when it got so late and everyone was still eating or drinking (or hitting up the karaoke bar). we're irish, wakes turned into all night things.

    -Clare
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  • lilycatlilycat

    I went at 8 to my grandmother's. While hard, it was an important event. It really helped me understand that she was no longer with us. Seeing her at the wake did not upset me; it helped me satisfy the questions about where she went. It clarified the difference between a person's body and the person. That stays with me and it helps to have those memories.

    In your case, it sounds like there is a lot going on in addition to the funeral. I'm not sure what I would do. You'll know best how to juggle all the various parts. But, I don't think 10 is too young based on my own experiences. 

     

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  • darvadarva

    She ended up going... And I'm fairly certain she's not scarred for life.  I finally got to the bottom of everything, her stepmom told her she thought she was too young, so after that she started telling me she didn't want to go, even though she DID.  CAN I TELL YOU HOW MUCH THAT TICKS ME OFF!?

    *sigh*

    I'll be talking to her stepmom and her dad next.  bleh.

    ~*~Jenn~*~
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