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bellaleanne
member
Is this guy nuts? (kinda long, need thoughts)
bellaleanne
member
I have a male friend who I have had feelings for...literally for the past four years. But things have never been right...situations, timing, all that. And now...what do you know...I have a son, and he's still in college, living about 100 miles away (but comes into town every couple weeks).
Anyways...I thought it was pretty clear that even though I have always seen him as the man that I could see myself ending up with, we're just friends. Not necessarily how I wanted it, but it just makes sense for us to go on with our lives, and maybe we'll be lucky in the future.
He has been finding reasons to randomly text me a few times a week, lately. That's fine, I like talking to him so I can't complain.
last night I got a text at 2am saying that he really needed to talk, so I tried calling him (even though he had woken me up, and my kid was actually sleeping so I should have ignored it). He ended up texting and just saying he was sorry, and that we could talk at a more appropriate time of day. Then early this morning he's like "you know I think of you as a platonic friend.."
Then he said "I can't stop thinking about what it would be like if you and I were married."
um....wtf?
then he says "I think I would be a good husband. But I would be nervous about becoming a father."
See...I have feelings for this guy so this basically melts my heart, and I made sure to tell him that when you're a parent you're always nervous and questioning yourself, and as long as you love the child you just...figure it out as you go. I told him I'm sure I would make a good wife, but it remains to be seen how I will do as a parent, because that's always a difficult and scary thing.
But from the outside...is this guy nuts for saying something like this to me? Is it friggin weird, or what? Come on ladies...I need some outside perspective on this.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is this guy nuts? (kinda long, need thoughts)
I actually was in a VERY similar situation. I was very close with a guy who was 8 years older than me. I met him when I was 15, and we hit it off. We flirted with the idea of dating for a long time, slept together once, but the timing was never right. We still remained best friends. He would have a girlfriend, I would have a boyfriend, he wouldn't have a car, I would be in college....When I was pregnant, we were both single, and timing would have been great, except I was pregnant and emotionally destroyed by X. He would bring up marrying me, wanting kids... it was all nice but I was too hurt to consider the option. I set him up with a girl I hardly knew because I needed a break from how emotionally forward he was, he told me she was cute but not really intelligent... I told him I regretted setting them up... I wound up pretty mad at him (even though it was my fault for setting them up). He is engaged to her now and we don't speak.
But! As for your situation... don't set him up with anyone :P I don't think it's all that weird for a guy to say that as long as you know his heart is in the right place. I mean, you said that you felt like you could spend your life with him. That's pretty much the same as what he said to you. I'd say just keep talking to him so long as you're comfortable with how forward he is being. I'd say just be honest with him about how you're feeling too and see where it goes!
Weird, I actually just wrote a huge post about something similar in my blog. See what happens with you. Sometimes, you need to experience life and see what you need - if you still think about him and he still thinks about you, then it may be that you're meant to be together. I would take it as it comes.
Now I'm just waiting for the guy in my situation to realize that he still wants to be with me... I haven't said anything recently because I'm pregnant but we'll see this summer after he graduates college.
GL! Everything will work out the way it should!
I am an old fogey. I don't think I have been up that late in a while.
To me, it sounds very ... young. But thinking about that stuff is part of why it is fun to be young. It makes sense that he would have such conflicting feelings, because chances are that being attracted to a woman with a child is the only reason he would be thinking about how he would be as a father.
Take it as it comes; your priorities have changed. Don't be thinking about settling. I get the sense that many of you feel that no one will want a girlfriend who is a mother, but I have found with friends and acquaintances that it is soooo not true.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
I think it is sweet.
I don't know about the whole marriage deal, but I don't see a problem with going out when he is in town and seeing where things take you. Sounds like he cares. I'd take DS along though, so you can see how he acts around him. Sometimes kids scare men off.
Jordan and I have been good friends for... shoot... 5 years now. After I left Josh he started talking about dating and what-not. I told him I was pregnant and not wanting a relationship at the moment so we never tried it out. He told me he would stick around and wait for me, so whenever I was ready for a relationship we could try it out. Well that's fine and dandy and he did, until I started showing. LOL! I think the belly scared him off. Now he's asking me if I have any single friends. Haha!! You never know with men.
Thank you for this advice. You're right that some of us do tend to feel less desirable because we have children (and unfortunately I think as a result we often times sell ourselves short).
And you're also very right that my priorities have changed...I think the only thing that keeps me drawn into this relationship with this man is the fact that he has been around for years, and the idea of us being together has been building since long before I became a single mother. In general, aside from being with him...the absolute last thing on my mind is finding someone to spend my life with. I suppose the only option I have is just to see what develops.