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Northern California Babies
Childcare vent - would love to hear input from teachers (and others of course)
Sorry, this will be long. We might lose our brand new nanny share partners and I just need to vent/emote...I'm stressed and upset. And I would love to hear what teachers think about the situation. I posted a few weeks ago about how we were desperately looking for another family to share our nanny with. We found someone at the last minute and started the new share 2 weeks ago. It's been great - the girls are super happy together (I mean bounce-off-the-wall happy together; it was seriously love at first sight for them), our nanny is happy at the end of the day, and we really like the other parents and thought they were happy too. Not so much...
Our nanny's (we'll call her R) first language is Spanish and her English is perfect. She speaks a combo of Spanish and English with the kids she takes care of and E has learned some vocab and verbs from her. I got an email from the other mom (who does not speak Spanish) today saying she wants R to exclusively speak Spanish to her daughter. Okay fine, R will speak Spanish to your daughter, but will still speak a combo to E and will also speak English when necessary, like at the park. No, the mom wants R to always speak Spanish to her daughter and around her daughter. She wants her daughter to be bilingual and feels that hearing only Spanish from the nanny is the appropriate first step in her learning...a combo of English and Spanish is unacceptable. She's willing to quit the share b/c of this.
I know everyone has their priorities and ideals and if those don't fit with mine, I just need to accept it and let go. But I'm so upset that she'd be willing to quit our share, which I see as such a good fit for everyone, b/c of it. So this is where I'd love to hear from our teachers. I get that a young child's brain is much more open to learning new languages than an adult's brain. But I don't see why it's so crucial for a child to hear only that new language from their caregiver. The parents don't speak any Spanish. I think it's an impractical request and not worth quitting an otherwise ideal childcare situation for. Please set me straight if I'm wrong.
I'm also so stressed out at the thought of starting from scratch in trying to find another new partner. 
ETA: I wanted to add that I love that E is learning Spanish vocabulary and would also be thrilled for her to be bilingual. I'm not against that. Also, wanted to add that R is not into speaking exclusively in Spanish around the other little girl. She thinks it would be too difficult.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Childcare vent - would love to hear input from teachers (and others of course)
Emmy was bilingual at her daycare, they spoke both spanish and english to her. One helper speaks primarily spanish and Em's could understand every word. Now that she's in preschool she doesn't get that daily interaction and she's lost some of it. Her preschool is now trying to incorporate several languages in songs, colors, shapes, numbers, calendar etc. But like you said if it's not going to be a continuous thing...ie parents speaking it or continuing having that influence on kid through classes, the child will lose it.
I spoke with our English specialist on sight at work and she said that just having that early introduction to language, even if they forget it during school years, may help with high school spanish in the future.
Don't know if this helps you, just wanted to give you my experience. I hope that you guys can find a happy medium.
That seems weird that the other mother wouldn't have made the language request at the start, but would make it a deal-breaker now, 2 weeks in. Makes me wonder if something else is going on.
Personally, I wouldn't want my child spoken to only in a foreign language that I didn't speak, I'd worry I wouldn't be able to communicate with them at home.
Good luck
That would drive me batty. It sounds like she talked to someone else about your situation and this other person said, "oh she really should only speak spanish to your daughter, it will help her learn faster/better/etc." and she now has a bug up her butt about it.
Children do learn language easier as children. But I can't imagine upsetting a great situation for my child by insisting that she only hear a language foreign to her parents while she isn't with them. That seems like it would be upsetting to the child a bit -- to much "not like mom and dad" for me to put my kid through.
And if they think having a spanish speaking nanny is such a great thing, why didn't they say that at the start? Do they really think she'll retain it longterm if they don't speak it at home once the nanny leaves?
I don't have much to contribute, but I wanted to empathize.
I'm looking for a family to do a nanny share with as well, and my nanny speaks Korean. I have someone interested (although not as far along as you by any means), and she wants the nanny to speak only Korean, which I'm not okay with. I'm also wondering if I'm making it out to be a bigger deal than it is. Right now, not so much since DD doesn't understand, but in a few months...
Let us know what happens. I hope things work out.
This is what I was thinking. Plus why ruin a good thing? Sounds like the girls get along and they get along with the nanny. If the mom wants her kid to focus on Spanish, then she should do that on her own.
My only concern for your situation is based on something that I saw at a public park. There were a bunch of nanny's speaking in spanish only to kids who obviously didn't understand.Those kids came running up to me and my kids when they heard us speaking English and only wanted to hang out with us because they could understand us.I wasn't bothered by it because I wanted to socialize my kids but had those been my kids and my nanny, I would be disturbed by this situation.
So I think my bigger concern would be that they ease the kids into the language and make sure that the kids are responding to their language lessons and not just alienating the kids by using a foreign language. There is a right way and a wrong way to introduce kids to language. Just make sure that your kid is being taught.
Oh, B - I'm so sorry. What a super sh!tty situation. I totally agree with April, this is a huge red flag - and despite what the actual issue is, her inflexibility and ultimatum attitude is the biggest issue. One that unfortunately, I would suggest running far and fast away from. If it's not the language thing (which, coming from a language perspective, I do know the research she's probably getting this from and I get it to an extent - however, not now, not after the fact and not in this way. Not okay) it will be something else. R isn't comfortable with the situation so that ends it without question, in my opinion.
I also agree with Sarah it's a little weird this is coming out of nowhere 2 weeks in. And Tiki's concern would be a huge one of mine as well - it's simply not safe in this circumstance.
I'm sorry you'll likely have to start the search again. There is an easy solution - you just have to move to Sonoma (you love it here, you know you do), and we'd be all set.
Can I just steal Mrs.K&C's entire post and say big fat ditto.
This is soooo terribly manipulative, totally one of those situations where I say the people seem to have their head so far up their own asses it's amazing they haven't suffocated in their own ***. Seriously who does *** like this, self important bastards that's who.
I'm betting she planned this whole thing out to bully you into caving. Now all of a sudden she wants these drastic changes and tell you it's my way of the highway. Does this other mom really think she's going to find another share that is willing to go along with it?
I don't know what your share contract is like as far as giving notice to leave ect but I say you have two ways to approach this (**** I'm going to assume you can give 2 weeks notice to get out****)
. The first would be the underhanded *** slap. You tell her fine, whatever and then start exhaustively looking for another family. Get that person lined up and then tell Mrs.Suffocating in my own *** that she's kicked out of the share.
The second would be to write a strong and too the point email. " Dear Mrs. Suffocating in your own ***, I feel your demand to have the nanny speak only Spanish around the children with such utter disregard for opinions and feels of Mr.Seasonal Cook and myself along with the nanny speak volumes about your personal character. I think that leaving the share would be best for us as we prefer to have a cohesive team bent with our nanny and share family."
LOL - I'll start packing today. Sigh, don't I wish.
Yeah, I don't get why if it was such a deal-breaker for her, the dad didn't bring it up when we first met him and their daughter at our house. We met them before we met the mom. He did call me the day after to say, oh hey, the mom wanted me to ask if R would be speaking Spanish to the girls. I told him that yes, she speaks Spanish to the girls. And he said, okay great, that's important to the mom. (He didn't say "the mom" of course...he used her real name :-)
Then, when R and I met with the mom she brought it up at the END of the interview. And R said that she speaks a combo and that E has picked up quite a few words. Thinking back on it I think she actually said that she doesn't speak only in Spanish b/c it's impractical. I think she also may have said, "I'm not a Spanish teacher." (My nanny is feisty) And the mom didn't push it. On Thursday I kept E home from the share b/c she had a high fever, and after the workday R came over to drop something off and she told me what the mom had said about the language thing and I was shocked. She said she's going to send her daughter to a Spanish preschool and then later to a public immersion school so she does plan on continuing her daughter's education in Spanish. But personally, I don't get why it's such a priority now. I think there are other more important things to focus on at 2 years old. I think she's expecting too much from a nanny and certainly too much from a nanny share. At the very least, if she has such rigid rules and high expectations, she needs to find her own personal nanny who she can dictate to.
So yeah, you're all probably right...there's something else that she's unhappy about or there's some kind of "I'll just bring this up later when we get the share going" thing going on. Or I wonder if the dad pushed her into the share b/c he saw how great this situation could be and he said, "eff the Spanish thing. This is perfect." I know they'd been looking for another share for a few weeks and had met with other families.
I guess I just need to move on and admit we'd be better off finding another family, as freaking stressful as that is. It's such a shame that this mom is ruining what could be a really great thing. It really is too bad for our girls.
Ha! That's why I had to post about it here first...so I wouldn't sit down and write an email like that!! I just want to scream "WTF! Are you effing serious?! You're willing to give up a sharecare with a family who lives 2 blocks away, whose daughter is only 2 months older than yours and gets along incredibly well with yours, a nanny with over 15 years experience who ends up staying with her families for years and years, a nanny who knows all the great places to go in the city, a nanny who is attentive warm loving protective adoring devoted to her kids?? All so you can expose your under-2 year old to Spanish??" But my opinions are beside the point.
Just to share - my ILs watch the kids while I'm at work. They speak Cantonese to the kids and each other. DH and I only speak English to the kids, and each other, and the ILs.
With that combination the kids both understand Cantonese and English, but only speak English. They've never showed any confusion.
When DH was growing up he lived with his parents and grandma, who watched him while his parents worked. The grandma only speaks Cantonese, his mom spoke Cantonese to him but English when necessary, and his dad spoke English to the kids, but Cantonese to mom and grandma. Both DH and his sister grew up understanding Cantonese, and speaking a little, but primarily speaking English. Now, DH still doesn't speak much Cantonese, and when he does, he speaks "babytalk". His sister lived in Hong Kong for a while after college, and was able to pick up the Cantonese quickly, so she is fluent.
I like that the ILs speak Cantonese to the kids, because I like that they can understand two languages, and I hope that it will help them learn to speak Cantonese (or other languages) one day. But if our family didn't speak it, I wouldn't care so much. Would it be nice for them to know another language, sure. Would I give up a great nanny share for it? No way.