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klee411
member
S/O confession TH - when did you "bond" with your LO?
klee411
member
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I'd love to hear other mom's opinions. When do you think you started "bonding" with your LO? I mean, really heart to heart connect with your child (for lack of a better term).
I ask because some say the have that immediate connection right when they POAS. Others say it's when they see their LO on an ultrasound for the first time. And some say they feel the bond right when their LO is laid on their chest after being born.
I almost feel guilty admitting this but I'm just recently starting to feel that bond now ... and my kid is already 6 months old! I think it's because I'm a natural pessimist and I worried throughout my entire pregnancy. And then after he was born, I was still in shock and I spent many endless hours/days/nights breastfeeding and not sleeping. So there wasn't much time to bond then.
But lately, he's just so darn cute and he is getting into everything and he's so happy with me around and I just feel connected, you know? Like I can finally take some time to appreciate him and the fact that he's my son and we're just now really starting to connect.
I don't know. Does that make sense? I almost feel stupid even posting this but I'm curious to see if others feel the same way....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/O confession TH - when did you "bond" with your LO?
With my first - it was probably 6 months, my second about 3 months.
I immediately bonded with Brady as soon as I saw the u/s but it was a completely different family situation with him than with my other two.
For my fourth, I haven't gotten there yet. Hopefully it will be once she arrives, but if not, I'm sure the time will come.
It's been different with all my children...
With Sophi, it was after she was born... those first early weeks of nursing and cuddling and getting to know one another. I was so young and didn't feel 'connected' to my pregnancy... even though I knew I wanted to keep her it was still hard to think of it as a positive thing until she was actually with me.
With Jack, it much much longer... probably at least where you are now... he was so sick after he was born... we lived at Children's... and with all of his surgeries and stuff I didn't even get to hold him for several days after he was born (and it was only once while we waited for his first surgery.... then I didn't get to again for weeks). We weren't even at the same hospital at first (I was at UC he was transferred from NICU there to CCHMC because he was a surgical patient). Even though I loved him and desperately wanted him to get better I just didn't feel very bonded... then we had such a hard time with nursing b/c of him being intubated so much... It was just a mess. And in a way maybe I avoided bonding in the early days to protect myself in case he didn't make it... does that make sense? Now we're best buds though.. so it all turned out just fine! He's a total mama's boy
With Henry... it was even before the positive pregnancy test.. we wanted him so much. And with the IVF business I got to see what he looked like in a petri dish 5 days after he started growing.. It was insane... It's not like I 'bonded' with ball of cells or anything... I was just so connected to him and my pregnancy from the very first second... I got to know the exact moment he went into my body (that's weird I know, but it's so cool)... I got to know I was pregnant a lot earlier than most women do... It was all just so incredible it was hard not to be connected and feel so close and bonded... by the time he got here I just felt like I had known him forever.
I remember my sister saying that she bonded instantly with her second child, that she felt the connection immediately after his birth, that she did not have with her first baby. At the time, I didn't understand it at all and thought it was a little weird.
Then I had my own kids and had almost the same experience. I think it's tough when you become a parent the first time, because you just have no idea what to expect, how your life is going to change, and how the baby will "be". I didn't bond with my first baby until he was about 3 months old, right as I went back to work. It sucked, I felt like I was just getting to know him and then had to leave him. But I was in a sleepless fog for the first couple of months, and just didn't feel it.
When my second was born, I did feel a connection instantly. I never felt bonded to either of my kids while I was pregnant, but I think that's because I was AMA with both of them and just wasn't sure if things would go well. I was insulating myself in case something went wrong, I guess. But as soon as the doctor delivered him, I burst into tears and couldn't wait to get my hands on him. I don't even remember that with my first.
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
I'm not sure that I felt super bonded when I was pregnant, I was a little bit of a worry wart as well. I felt bonded to Charlotte the minute I got to hold her after the c-section. They gave her to DH at first but I had her in arm before we left the OR. I couldn't stop looking at her, I even remember thinking "she doesn't even look ike a newborn, she is so pretty and perfect". Looking back at the pictures I was obviously delusional, she looked like little alien.
I think my instant bonding came from my very early want for kids and always just knowing that I wanted lots of them and it would be great....period. I guess I'm glad my life plans have started to work out - I now know how lucky I am to have had a healthy pregnancy and baby.
I had a very hard time bonding with Max until he came home from the NICU at 6 months of age. It's not that I didn't love him, but it was so hard to bond with him when there were nurses and 5 other babies and their families surrounding us. I felt so guilty that I didn't connect with him right away. When he was a few days old we were told that we didn't have to continue with his treatment and to let him go... that was a horrible time for me because I was so afraid to bond with him. I was so afraid that he wasn't going to make it and I thought that if I didn't get attached to him that it wouldn't hurt so much. That was when I was at my lowest low during the whole NICU stay. I quickly realized that I had to think positive and keep my faith in order for him to survive.
Wow that was the first time that I admitted that to anyone. I feel a little better getting that off my chest
)
Max's Blog
Kristin -- Advanced Maternal Age
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
I can very much relate to your feelings. I also think it's a fairly common experience for mamas/babies/families who go through things like we have.
I think I bond with DS more and more each day.
I never felt really bonded with him during pregnancy, I bled through most of my first trimester, then as soon as I hit my third trimester I was put on bedrest due to preterm labor. It's weird to say, but I didn't fully comprehend that I had a baby inside of me until he was pulled out and laid on my stomach. Then once I realized I had a baby I was a crying mess.
I think now it's a matter of the sleep deprivation, I am just trying to survive and not lose my mind most days.
DS #1 born January 2010. DS #2 due June 2014.
With Isabelle I felt the bond right away. I will have to say that it started when she was still in the womb, I sang to her all the time and loved rubbing my belly and getting her to move, I was so excited to know that I was having a little girl. With Oliver I was a tad disappointed that I was having a boy, I really wanted Isabelle to have a sister close in age and I was so busy that I didn't really pay all that much attention to my belly. Also with Oliver I had a c section and was so out of it the 1st day that I barely even held him and then felt almost "mad" at him because of the c section (he was breech) so we didn't really bond right away, it took me a little longer but he was 5 months when he had surgery and that's when my world turned up side down and we really began that bond. Today there is no one like his mommy to him so I think our bond is pretty good and I feel bad at times that I was "mad" at him for so long.
Michelle
This post is so refreshing!
I didn't start to feel bonded to Brandon until we could play together. We played a little at first, but I really didn't start to feel bonded to him until I was really able to interact with him and get a reaction. The bonding took a long time for me; it didn't just happen overnight. It gradually started around 1 mo old, and by about 2-3 mos I felt more attached. DH and I switched bathtime duties when he injured his hamstring early last spring and that helped immensely. But I honestly wasn't really comfortable in the role of "mommy" until Brandon was about 6 mos old. And until I got there, the bond wasn't completely there... if that makes any sense.
I just wanted to thank all the ladies who posted here! I really did feel kind of guilty even bringing all this up but I'm glad there are others out there who didn't have an immediate "connection" with their child. There are SO many emotions to being a first time mom and you basically spend those early weeks just trying to make it through each day. But now that we're settled into a good routine, I finally have time to sit back and enjoy my son for the fun little person he is becoming. And it makes me very happy
I appreciate all those who shared their stories!
my blog
Good post!
During pregancy I thought I was having a boy. When they told me it was a girl I remember this huge wave of FEAR! My mother and I have never gotten along. She has never really wanted me, after having my DD I can I know that to be so true. I was, and still am, so afraid I will have the same relationship I guess. It really helped that I had a great p/g and she moved so much. I remember one day she pushed her hand onto mine. I freaked, it was so cool! I had felt lots of feet and a butt but never her hand. About a week before she was born I started feeling really bad. I chaulked it up to normal discomfort. Turns out I had precampsia that was attacking my liver. I was started on IV drugs right away. The drugs were horiffic to say the least. Once she was born my DH had to really care for her because I was still hooked up to IV and even had a cath. She bonded instantly to DH. Once we got home for the hospital I just got so stressed out over everything. I really struggled with BF supply issues for about two weeks. People kept coming over and I stressed like crazy that the house was not clean. Then I was trying to figure out how to pump and feed her around the clock. I spent so much time in the bedroom away from all the "action" . DD is often fussy around me just because I am the food. I am pretty jealous of how non-fussy DD is with DH. I think I part of my turning point was once I got a couple of pumped BF bottles in the frig. It just makes life so much easier. Now she is laughing and similing all time time. It is hard for me not to feel bonded to her.