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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
my story: induction of labor at 22 weeks
We found out that our son has severe cardiac abnormalities incompatible with life outside the womb. So we are going to do what we feel is the humane and loving thing and terminating the pregnancy. This hits us doubly hard because our daughter was born with heart defects large enough to warrent surgical repair- so now we're afraid there is something genetically wrong with us and mourn our dreams for a large family as we mourn the loss of our son.
Has anyone gone through an induction like this and wish/are able to share their experiences? I mean, I'm familiar with induction, I was induced with Kate, but it was a whole different ball game.
Thank you so much.
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Re: my story: induction of labor at 22 weeks
I am so sorry - I remember you from the trimester boards.
I was going to send you a PM, but apparently I don't know how. I'll try not to be wordy and PM me if you have any questions I don't cover. I was induced to deliver our son at 19w5d after he passed away. They started cytotec at 7AM, 2 by mouth and 2 vaginally. It took 2 more vaginal doses (4 hours apart each) since my body wasn't ready for labor. (This was apparently quick, too, some can take up to days. I imagine since you've given birth before, though, it might go quickly. This was our first.) The last dose, they decided to crush the pills before they inserted them to absorb faster - this started really hard and fast cramping for me - morphine didn't touch it at all. They added phenergen to try to make the morphine work better (didn't help) and let me relax between the contractions - I guess that worked, but they were only about 45 seconds apart. I suddenly felt an intense pressure, and then he slid out. The placenta came out whole which is a very good thing - otherwise you might have to have a D&C to get everything out to prevent infection. They cleaned him up and we got to hold him and spend as much time as we wanted with him. His little body was so tiny and delicate, but he was beautiful. We took some pictures, and they sent us home with a bunch of mementos.
A few words of advice here: hold and see and name your baby. You might think you won't be able to handle it, but our counselor said they have never had anyone regret seeing their baby, but have had several regret not doing so and I definitely see why. If you don't think you can, the hospital will likely take pictures and hold them - ours does for 10 years, but remember it is your only chance to hold your baby. Also, if you are interested in pictures, check out https://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/. They are professional photographers who will take pictures for free. I didn't find out about it until after our induction, and our pictures aren't great, but I am grateful I have pictures. They would likely take ones that we just didn't think of, though, and wish that we had now.
Also, I TRULY recommend that you go and check out https://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/. She, like you, had a baby who was diagnosed as being incompatible with life. She chose to carry her baby until the doctors said it was time. I recommend reading her blog for two reasons: 1) she is very frank about what she went through and it helped me to deal with my emotions at every stage (even though my story was different than hers) and 2) because she chose to carry and deliver her baby, she was able to spend two and a half hours with her baby before she passed. Her baby was very peaceful and in no pain, and I believe it gave her a great deal of peace. I am not second guessing your decision at all, so please don't feel that I am, but I know that your stories are very similar.
One more...I know you don't want to think about this, but start thinking now about what you would like to do with your son. We chose to have ours cremated so we could have more time to find plots, etc, and not put him somewhere random. He is at our house now until we feel ready to do so. That, overall, has given us a great deal of peace because we feel like we did not do something that we will regret in the future.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss, please feel free to PM me or let me know if I can help in any way. T&P to you.
My story isn't completely the same but... several weeks ago I woke up with some heavy bleeding- rushed to the hospital (having contractions the whole time) @ 19.5 weeks. When I got to the hospital I was fully dilated. I was pregnant with triplets- the MD told me the 1st baby was coming and hopefully after the contractions would stop and we could save the remaining 2. After I delivered baby #1 I kept having contractions w/ a lot of bleeding so the MD had to induce me for the next 2.
I had a pitocin IV. It took about 3 hours for it to kick in where the contractions were almost unbearable. Because this was an emergency situation I really didnt know what was going on and what to expect- plus I've never been pregnant before so I was really just 'blank'. The delivery wasn't too painful because the babies were so small (8 oz. and 9") Even though I am a nurse I'm not a mother baby nurse so I pretty much had no idea what was happening. Not that it makes it any easier but at least you have time to think about what is going to happen and you can ask people/look stuff up etc. I stayed 2 days in the hospital (1 night), I had some cramping afterwards, took Motrin- felt back to normal self about a week later- physically (except I still get tired fast).
I think after all was said and done and I really had time to process it I was really devastated. As of right now I still have no idea why I went into preterm labor, there was nothing wrong with the babies which made is extra hard. I guess maybe in your case it might be easier to know now that there is something wrong with the baby instead becoming even more attached and finding out at birth that he wont make it. Keep your chin up, ask millions of questions, try to stay positive. T & P
Yes, this is absolutely true.
Thanks for you responses, ladies. We already plan on having him cremated, and thank you for the advice. I was pretty adamant about not seeing or holding him, but after meeting with my OB and talking to some of the women on this site who have offered their advice and support I'm pretty sure I'd like to hold him.
I am so sorry for your loss!
My story is completely different, but I saw the comments below about making sure you hold your son. I just wanted to say that I'm so glad you've decided to. From what I've heard from a lot of women who didn't, it's one of their biggest regrets. If you hold him for a minute and it's too uncomfortable, you can always have them take him away... but at least that way you won't wonder some day what it would have been like if you had. If you were worried about the emotional pain of it afterwards, honestly, I think you will feel it regardless... but you will probably be able to find some peace in knowing how beautiful he is/was.
You probably already know all that from talking to your OB and other women, as you said,but I just wanted to put my two cents in
Also, I just wanted to second what the PP said about the audreycaroline.blogspot.com blog. I can't even put in to words how much strength I was able to take from reading it in the days after my loss. Her story is much different than both of ours, but the way she handled it was amazing and definitely gave me a lot of encouragement.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! Know that we are all here to support you if you need it now and afterwards.
click the button above to read my blog!
I terminated my pg at 23w 5d. I was also induced and gave birth naturally (w/ epi). I know all too well what you are going through.
I would be more than happy to talk with you on the phone if you want to do so. Obvisously, I don't judge - since I have done the same. I will PM you w/ my contact number in case you do.
My story is written under my siggy in case you want to learn how my experience went.
Induction will be a bit different than your past experience I am sure. There are many details to consider that my medical staff didn't mention to me. Many things that I wished they brought up ... and didn't.
My hospital would not give me Pitocin- I had a pill inserted in my cervix. It dialated me to 8cm with the course of about 8 hours.
I am so sorry that you too are having to go through this. It just breaks my heart.
Elizabeth
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and the pain you are having to endure. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family - I know this is terribly difficult.
I was going to post that someone on TTCAL today had just posted her story - it was roxy, who posted above.
I pray that you will be able to find emotional peace and be able to physically heal. I pray that your time with your baby will be peaceful and sentimental and will offer you a great deal of healing.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It's a difficult decision to make. You are doing what's best for your son. As a mom, you have given him life and love, and even though you might not be able to physically fix his heart, you are saving him from any further pain or suffering.
My story isn't the same, but we were given options that we weighed heavily. Because my first child had a congenital heart condition, I too fear for any future pregnancies. Stay strong! This is a great supportive board. <hugs>
Buckets - I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation last fall, so I know what you are going through.
I just wanted you to know that there is a board on Babycenter.com called Termination for Medical Reasons, and all the women there have been through what you're going through, and are extremely helpful and supportive.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
"You reach deeper until you can find the strength. That's all life is, one big fight after another."
Angel babies: 9/19/07, 10/08/09, 1/05/11
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I was induced at 28 weeks due to no HB. I was admitted on a Monday night and didn't deliver until Thursday afternoon - apparently my body doesn't react to the oral pills. There's a url in my siggy to a post about what to expect that a few of us compiled. If you ever want to chat, please feel free to PM me. I chose not to hold our daughter, and we don't regret it. Holding your baby is a personal choice, and there is no wrong choice, just what is best for you and your DH.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and strength.