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LGBT Parenting
bellaleanne
member
Another bisexual question
bellaleanne
member
I have been having a really hard time with my sexuality lately. Something about being a mom has made me start thinking that I need to just make up my damn mind about being with only women, or only men.
I doubt this is rational thinking, but still.
If anyone else feels that they're bisexual...do you find yourself at all afraid that you'll always have that desire for the other gender? You know...the one you didn't end up with? Or does that just fall off of your radar once you have found the person that you want to be with?
I really don't know where else to ask this. All I know is that the thought of never being with another woman makes me feel kind of empty inside. And the thought of never being with another man makes me feel like there would be something missing too. I wish I had an answer. What do you other mothers out there think?
And also, since I am a mother...do you think my own sexual fluidity will be confusing to my son as he gets older? I'm pretty worried about sending him strange or mixed messages.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Another bisexual question
In my experience, once i found the person I was meant to be with, all other people fell off my radar. Men, women, whatever - I've found my match.
As for your son, i dont see any reason why sexual fluidity would be strange at all. As long as you are confident and not embarassed/ashamed, he will be too. I'm going to raise my children to know that they can love anyone they want regardless of gender - i dont think there are any mixed messages in that.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
So here's my 2 cents on this...
I can't really call myself a lesbian, in my opinion, because I have never been with a man. How do I know I wouldn't love it? Especially considering that I think I might. (But I have a thing about the grass being greener so this could also fall into that category) But I'm married to a woman, who I love VERY much and who makes me extremely happy. But no matter how happy people are, I think there is always the possibility of physical attraction to someone other than your spouse and if you are bisexual you almost have twice the chance. Personally, since I got married I've still been attrached to both men and women. If I was single, I don't know what would have happened with the men, probably nothing since I ultimately don't end up feeling comfortable enough. I think once you have found that person, you are committed to them. You may feel attractions for other people no matter what your sexuality, but at the end of the day, they aren't your partner and the one who you trust and love and who knows you like no one else. I am not a mom, so I can't speak to that, but I will say that the fact that we are thinking of getting pregnant soon has DEFINATELY made me refocus on issues I want to work out. I think that all you can do as a parent is be honest with your child and try and help them work through their feelings aobut the truth. I don't think it's the truths that are most confusing or difficult it's when you aren't truthful and open about it to start with and haven't provided a safe space to discuss the feeling that come with that. I'm sure it's a lot to have a new baby as a single mom and have all these questions and feelings. I hope you are able to find some answers and some peace around this and enjoy your son!
Ariane
July 2010 IUI #1 with Follistim - C/P
September 2011 IUI #2 Natural - C/P
April 2012 IUI #3 Natural - BFN
June 2012 IUI #4 Natural - BFN
July 2012 IUI #5 Clomid - BFN
August 2012 IUI #6 Gonal F - BFN
August 2012 - forced break due to cyst
I dated men as a teenager and early twenty-something. I always knew I felt differently about women than about men. Women gave me those wonderful butterflies in my stomach and men never have...as much as I may have wanted them to way back then. When I finally knew I was a lesbian and was ready to do something about it was when I fell totally, undeniably, insanely in love with a woman. I knew from then on that I never wanted to be with another man. (By the way, my relationship with her lasted a whopping 6 months.) For me there was no going back.
That's my story, and everyone's is different. We all have to take our own journey. The question I mainly have for you is.....(drumroll)....when you say that you feel like "there would be something missing" if you were never with another man, what is that "something"? Is it family/societal acceptance, hetero-sex, the emotional feeling involved in being w/a man vs. a woman? Ask yourself the same questions re: never being with another woman. I think if you can pin down the "something missing" or the "empty feeling", you can give yourself more insight into where you are and where you are going.
As far as your son goes...if you are ok with you, then he will be ok with you.
Good luck!
Good question. When I think about it...without women, I feel like I would be missing something emotional...that indescribable THING you can feel when a woman kisses you and you feel it from head to toe. It's so much more intimate and soft...
With men I would be missing more that dream of the husband and kids and that image of how life is "supposed" to be. And the sex. I would miss having sex with men...and the simplicity that men can bring. I know how complex women can be because I am a woman myself. Men kind of offset that complexity with some simplicity.
I think I'm just starting to understand that when you're married you're always going to be attracted to other people. I guess I just kind of have to let myself fall in love with whoever...because in the end, when you decide to commit yourself to one person, it's because you want that person...not that gender.
*sigh* I think the sexuality thing just makes it more confusing.