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also about sexuality......
After the previous post it got me thinking. How are you going to explain this to LOs? For me I am really stuck here. I am def straight, no questions about that. My two best friends are lesbians though. They are going to realize it early on I'm sure. They aren't like all over the gf's, but you know. I obviously don't have any issues with it, but my family does. So I don't know what I will say when the time comes.
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Re: also about sexuality......
I am straight and my sister is a lesbian. My sister lives in Houston, but we are very close. I have taken my DD to Houston to visit my sister (who lives w/ her gf). The only special request I had for my sister was to make her apt more kid-friendly. (She had naked girly posters up before.) Other than that, just be herself. I love her for who she is, and my DD does too.
My DD doesn't "know" that her aunt is gay, only bc I have never explained what gay is. She only knows that she loves her aunt. She asked my sister's gf if she could call her aunt also, so now she has two. When Pumpkin was younger, she used to ask me if the gf was my sister too. I told her that she was not my sister, but my sister's friend. I wasn't really sure how to explain that to her at that time. I guess I kinda think if you grow up with it, it is just normal, and no explaination is needed.
This is a good question, perhaps I will ask my sister what she thinks. I hope that BGG weighs in on this subject too. I would love the hear her opinion.
I have to add though, my DD does watch Ellen with me, and says that she reminds her of Aunt Erika.
Smart kid.
Want to hear a funny story about me finding out about a gay uncle? I was probably 8 years old around the time of this story. I was in the back seat of the car with my mom and stepdad. My stepdad said, "Hey, that is Alex's (his brother) ex-boyfriend who lives in Derry!" He didn't really think I would think anything of it. So, I inquired from the back seat, "You mean he's G-U-Y?!?!" My parents laughed and laughed, and then told me, yes, he's gay. But it is spelled G-A-Y.
I think children are the most forgiving about these kinds of things. I don't plan to say anything either way about it until I'm asked. There is a possibility that X is bisexual, so it will be interesting if he chooses to date a man and if I'll need to do some explaining. I don't plan on asking my gay friends to do anything different than I would ask my straight friends to. Since I don't feel there is anything wrong with being homosexual, I don't plan on making it some kind of taboo subject. I think the only time a child becomes uncomfortable with something is if the parent is.
I don't mean this to be a flame at all, because it's completely your right to feel this way and want to shelter your child from certain things.
That being said, if your BFF is going to stay in your life regularly, I wouldn't be shocked if you asking her to act differently around your child really hurts or offends her. That could easily come off as a rejection of who she is, because I'm sure you wouldn't ask your straight friends not to act like a couple in front of your LO.
Also, If you're trying to shelter your LO from it, that's sending the message to your child that there is something shameful about it. Even if you say "don't hate anyone, it's okay to be gay" or what have you...your actions will be much more powerful than words.
That's just coming from a gay standpoint. Like I said, how you handle that is your decision entirely, and I'm not trying to say you're wrong at all...just trying to show you what it looks like from a different perspective.
Oh and to answer the OP's question, I think the more open you are about anything, and the more you treat it like it's not a big deal, the more accepting your child will be.
I don't know if I will be with men or women in the future...but I don't plan on making a big deal out of it. If LO asks, I will just tell him that usually girls and boys are together, but that some people like to be with the same gender, and that people can love whoever they want to love. I think it's simple. I think they should just see loving relationships around them, gay or straight.
Im not sure how im going to explain it to my lo. I guess looking back it was never explained much to me because I didnt care *not in a bad way, stuff like that doesnt bother me*.
But we moved to the house we live at back when I was 13, our next door neighbors at that time and still are to this day are gay. I never thought twice about it, didnt care that there were 2 guys living next door. My parents have always taught us to love everyone for who they are. I love them as people I dont care what they do behind closed doors its their lives and im happy for them if they are happy. My lo will grow up living next to them until they either move or we do, but I still want them to be apart of our lives. They are great guys and good role models and im happy to have them involved in my lo life. I will answer questions when they come about. It was never a issue with me and I get very upset when people make comments or are rude about the fact. I want to bring her up with the same thoughts as I do and I want her to love everyone for who they are. So I think it will be something that she wont think twice about because to her it will be normal, just like it was to me.
If that made sense..
That makes a lot of sense actually. I never thought of it that way. Being 100% honest here, I hate it when people show PDA in front of children, no matter what sex they prefer... it bugs me. That's just MO though. I love people no matter what their sexual preference is, I don't want my LO to think it's okay though (I guess that's the best way to put it, I can't think of any other way to put it). I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've seen how hard it has been on Averi and I don't want my little girl to grow up and end up in a relationship with another woman. It's just hard. People don't accept it. I watched Averi go through a deep depression after she "came out of the closet" because ALL of her friends turned their back on her (including her BFF from preschool). Please don't take offense to anything I said. I guess what I am really trying to say is, I just don't want her getting hurt.
I get this.... no one wants there child to hurt or struggle. People can be so cruel. I just want them to know God says only he can judge. I think that will be my main point.
I love this!
so.... you'd rather raise your child in a bubble? Or do you want for her to be small minded and unaccepting of others?
I say who cares.This ain't the 1950's. You don't "catch" gayness from seeing gay people.
It's not like if you pretend gayness isn't out there that your daughter won't grow up to be gay. It's not something that people just decide to do because they see other people doing it. It's biologically ingrained, just as your straightness is.
I don't anticipate you being friends with this woman for very long if this is how you feel about homosexuality.
My Lunch Blog
Funny. I don't remember ever seeing your face around here before. And just so you know I've been best friends with her since grade school and was one of the only ones that stuck around after she "came out". I'm not a dumbass I know you can't "catch gayness".
Take your snark somewhere else, it's not welcome here.
So if you know you can't catch The Gay, WTF difference would it make if your daughter saw your friend holding hands with another woman?
And if you know how hard it was for your friend, why would you make her life even more difficult by telling her you want her to crawl back into the closet when she's around your kids?
I don't want my child seeing two people gay or straight making out in front of her. Young children should not be exposed to that IMO. I get pissed when a couple of any type are all over each other in the presence of children. I don't approve. I think PDA is something that should be done in private. I don't strip naked and screw infront of children to teach them about sex. I can teach my children about homosexuality without them witnessing it. I know once they get older they will see more and more of it and I'm not opposed to it. I just don't think PDA of any sort is appropriate for young children. Thank you.
I want to be able to explain it to my child before she comes home asking me questions about why she saw Aunt Averi kissing another girl.
ETA: Even if I did ask her to "crawl back in the closet" as you put it. I don't think it would be possible. She is clearly a lesbian. She even makes jokes about how being gay must be a disease because when she steps into a store everybody scatters. It's horrible, I know. I know one day DD will ask me why she looks like a boy, but again. I want to be able to explain it to her before she sees it in action and it shocks her.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
You're backpedalling and you know it. You said you don't want them "acting like a couple" which does NOT equate to PDA. Plus, the bolded part means you want your friend to repress who she is. Do you think because she's homosexual she's suddenly going to abandon all propriety?
Children don't know something is weird or unacceptable or shocking unless they have a reason to believe it is (i.e., you tell them it is). So, if explaining it to her is what you're afraid of, you probably won't have to "worry" unless you plan on telling her early in life that seeing two women or two women kiss each other should be shocking.
So you already know how much your attitude (please don't be yourself in front of my child) hurts your friend, and yet you're still going to ask her to repress who she is.
If you're her friend, I'd hate to see her enemies.
This makes a lot of sense. I guess I never thought of it that way before. Thank you for putting it that way, you're exactly right.
LOL Love it!
My parents' best friends, my Uncle John and Uncle Dean, were gay (John has passed away - hence the past tense). They were at our home for every holiday, birthday, and special occasion that I can remember.
And honest to god it wasn't until I was about 14 that I even clued into the fact that they were "gay" - they were just my "uncles." My parents never talked to me about being straight or gay, nor did they talk about my uncles as being different. I am who I am, and they are who they are - period.
My BIL is gay. Will we sit Sam down to say "Uncle D is gay and has romantic feelings toward men"? No - why would we? If D brings home another man, we'll introduce him to Sam the same way we'd introduce a woman if D were straight: "This is Uncle D's friend, X."
I guess I don't see what's so complicated.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
Makes sense to me.
No one wants there child to hurt or struggle, but she is basically saying she doesn't want her child to be gay. Hate to break it to you, but if your child is gay, it doesn't matter if she is "exposed" to it or not. Instead, you should teach your child to be who they are, and love people for who they are.
I like this and agree!
I don't think anyone is being snide. I think they are pointing out that her behaviour to her friend is both offensive and judgemental, and she isn't being a very good friend, even if she didn't realize it. I actually think they might save her friendship, if Meghan didn't realize she was being hurtful.
I'm not going to flame you, and I can understand you not wanting your LO to hurt but I would like you to really think some more about what you wrote.
You don't want your LO to think a homosexual relationship is "ok", because you saw how hard it was when Averi's friends deserted her.
Averi didn't become gay because she thought it was "ok". You either are or you aren't. And if her friends had been raised to think it was "ok", it probably would have been much easier on her because they would have been more accepting.
So, you're better off raising your LO to think it's OK, because it IS - whether or not LO is gay or not. If LO is gay, they won't have the self-loathing and depression they could face through being raised that it's not ok. And if they're straight, they'll won't desert their gay friends and tell them they're not ok.
So, for heaven's sake, why wouldn't you want LO to think it's OK? Please, please re-think this. You wouldn't want to raise a straight child (or a closeted gay) who think it's ok to torment others for NOT being "OK", would you? How are things supposed to get better for the Averis of this world if we keep raising kids to think it's not OK?
This, exactly. Thanks Lady and Laurie. I don't get it, I didn't really follow this thread but it is so dumb how ppl who NEVER post on this board just come over here for the pure drama. Why do you ppl ONLY post negative things?? Get a life and hightail it back to wherever you came from. This board is the best because it is full of positive ppl who care about eachother and are offering support and insight and advice on dealing with struggles during a difficult time in our lives. Why come over here from your perfect little lives on the BOTB board just to prey on someone who admitted many times they were sorry. Like a bunch of vultures lurking over something dead (and the something dead would be the original subject).
I don't mean to board jump (I'm not single, but I have some single mother friends, so I come here to try and understand what they're going through and how to support them). I just wanted to add my 2 cents.
Two of my Aunts are gay. One has been living with a woman since before I was born. It wasn't until I was in my teenage years that I actually realized they were gay. Same with neighbors - it wasn't until long after they left that I knew what was going on. I thought nothing of it.
That being said, I will teach my children that sometimes women love men, and sometimes women love women, and vis versa. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's nothing to hide. I get that some people don't want their children to be hurt and judged growing up, but when that time comes (if it does) my children will be offered love and support and a safe haven to come home to.