...scare you? Although overall I feel tons better being on the Zoloft, it makes me feel a little "trapped". When I forget to take it, the next day is an Honest to Pete Hell. I swing rapidly back into my darkest place. All of the irrationality, lashing out at everyone, guilt and grief come pouring out. I cry until I have a headache and my eyes blur. It is so weird, it seems like that tiny pill has so much power and control over how I feel, and that it is masking the real me. I of course do not want to feel depressed, but why can't I just be happy and well-adjusted on my own?
Re: Does the idea of being "dependant" on meds...
I think the real issue is forgetting a pill vs. weaning off, ykwim? Forgetting one pill will throw you into a spiral because your body is used to the dose you are taking daily. When you and your doc are ready, I'm sure you'll be prescribed lower doses to help you wean off the drug. I was on Lexapro for a bit and when it came time, my doc prescribed lower and lower doses until I was able to stop completely - really helped keep the withdraw side effects at bay.
I was glad to have Lexapro when I needed it - and I am glad to not need it now. You can be happy and well-adjusted on your own, but there's no shame in getting a little help along the way!
Perhaps I'm coming from a different place. In addition to PPD/PPA, I also have ADD. I choose to take medication for that because it allows me to think more clearly and therefore to live a better life.
If I had strep throat, I would take the antibiotic because it will make me well. If I had diabetes and had to do insulin injections daily, I would do that because it would keep me healthy. IMO, antidepressants are the same. They are to correct the imbalanace of chemicals in your brain so that you feel more normal and are able to function properly.
I do understand that people deal with things like this differently and because of my history with depression and ADD, I have worked through these feelings many years ago. I hate how I feel when I am off of my meds. I would never choose to feel that way. Therefore, I choose to take my medications every day (that I remember).
Owen Matthew 11/1/2009 4lbs 10oz 16.5in
Born 5 weeks early by C/S | Severe Pre-Eclampsia
BFP #2 5/1/2011 | M/C @ 7 weeks | D&C 5/25/2011
TTC #2 | HSG Clear | SA 2% Morph otherwise great
3 failed Femara/TI cycles moving on to IUI