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BrittAny Nicole
Therapy! (Long) HELP!
So I had my first couples therapy session with the "other". It went really well. I am getting a more posotive out look on "other's" and I's future. Of course though its not perfect and we still fought. But this time it was almost a good fight. More of a discussion. There was no yelling which was a first. We have another one the 15th. Crossing my fingers it goes just as well.
Now amoung all of this I have been having a lot of thoughts. Am I dumb for trying again? Can I be strong enough to know that if he does it again he does and that's just who he is and I am better off with out him? (<----really long sentence lol.) And the biggest one is my family. Non of them are happy about us working it out. My mother said she will support me but my sister isn't even talking to me. He is going to apologize to them. Which I am greatful for. I just hope that goes well.
Now for those who do not know the story "other" and I have been together for three years. (We broke up for a year while I traveled.) He has a history of looking else where. Such as dating sites, talking to girls, etc. Never doing anything however. And at one point we both looked else where but did not go through with it. He did it again recently(a female friend of his asked him for sex and he agreed but then the next day sent her a message saying he made a mistake and he can't. However he failed to inform me of this at the time and I did not find out till 2 months later.) and I thought we had gotten past all that so I moved out. He is also one of those guys who bonds well with females and becomes close friends with them. Talking a lot etc.
Also over my pregnancy and after I became a hormonal b!tch and basically treated him like sh!t. I can admit this after the therapy and looking back I got bad. (ex. I screamed at him for 30min because he used the wrong BM in the fridge to feed DS. He didn't know which one to use so I should have just thanked him for letting me sleep.)
Now in therapy "other" had explained to him how girls open up through talking and I need to treat "other" with respect. We also had explained to us the difference between a contract and a covenent. How in a contract its I just want to be happy even if its not with you. In a covenent its we will make this work or be miserable together (therefore giving more motivation to work things out).
I guess though where do you draw the line. How much do I (or he) have to put up with? I mean what if he stops with the girls and I still treat him like crap? Or vise versa? How do I explain this to my family? Friends?
I know this was long I just need some outside perspective. From people who do not feel strongly for me or him. Please help!
BrittAny Nicole
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Therapy! (Long) HELP!
It is great that you went, and are going, to therapy. I think that is important if you stay together or split up. No matter what a good relationship will help all 3 of you in the end. If I were you I would keep an open mind about what could happen and try your hardest to do what you feel is right.
In regards to family and friends- I made a huge mistake by talking about my problems with my STBXH to other people, and he made that mistake too. While we were together we should have focused on talking to each other and working things out, not complaining to the world. Your sister loves you, and she doesn't want you to get hurt, but you can't live your life off what she wants you to do or who she wants you to be with. For right now I would provide limited information- we are going to therapy, when I need help I will let you know.