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Parenting
Me with my littlest.
How long would MH leave his dress shirt on the barstool
And his cufflinks on the bar?
Forever. Or, until I put the stuff away.
He's getting on my last nerve leaving his stuff all over the place. And he doesn't even realize it.
I watched him take 2 of his shirts from his end table and put them on the floor and I asked him "Will you put those somewhere when you're done?" (he was reading #2 books) and he got annoyed and said that he wasn't planning on leaving his shirts on the floor, but was busy at the moment.
That was a week ago and I just put them in the dirty laundry bin yesterday afternoon.
Is anyone else in the same boat? I feel like all I do is put people's crap away.
Me with my littlest.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How long would MH leave his dress shirt on the barstool
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Well considering MH likes to leave his clothes on the bathroom mat right next to the hamper, you're not alone.
I mean, really, it's RIGHT THERE. How hard is it? There's also a hamper in the downstairs laundry room for when he just can't be bothered to wait to change until he goes upstairs.
This, exactly! Except i'm still married and have to deal with it. I try to outlast him and see if he notices how dirty the house gets. But he doesn't care, and i usually cave first.
This is so the thing that Joe would whine about it and it drives me nuts! Really, is it that hard to 1. leave the crap there or 2. pick it up!?!?! Because honestly, there are plenty of things that he does that annoys me --- but I just choose not to mention it. I look past it. That's what you do in a relationship (I think anyway). So, my advice --- next time you are annoyed by him leaving clothes there for a week, take a look inward. Is there something you did that day that he could be annoyed about it but chose not to say something?! For example, Joe will say something about me leaving my shoes around the house. But he leaves beer bottles on the counter, never puts DVDs back in their cases and never refills things like the kleenex box, toilet paper, q-tips. I chose not to say anything b/c really, why the hell would I want to upset him/fight with him over a freaking q-tip!?!?!
Sorry, but I just get so annoyed at the nit-picky stuff because Joe CONSTANTLY nit-picks.
And lastly, those things might annoy YOU but DON'T annoy him. Should we be considerate of those things that annoy our spouses? Of course. Is it always forefront on their mind? No.Because I expect my husband, who is a grown man, to pick up after himself.
Me with my littlest.
Amen to that.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Yea, I get that. But, again, don't you have flaws? I'm sure he gets annoyed by you at times. Or the things you do (don't do). Does he point those out to you or does he let it go??
Nope. I'm perfect.
Me with my littlest.
Jesus Jodi---quit acting like my twin again. EXACTLY 100% everything you said.
My DH is the nitpicky one and it DRIVES ME NUTS! I am not messy...but I have my own system. On my days home, breakfast dishes get thrown in teh sink and loaded in the dishwasher after the lunch dishes are done. DH is home once a week, and I got the big huffy and eye roll when I threw my empty bowl of cereal in the sink. SORRY--most mornings I'm getting all 3 kids ready by myself and don't have time to put the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher which MAY or MAY not require emptying as well. Just because there are 2 of us this morning and there IS time, doesn't mean I'm lazy...I just have my way of doing things.
I get soooo freaking sick of DH's huffy's and eye rolls...he is sooooooo passive aggressive about when he thinks I didn't do something "right" that I start a fight right then and there...then he has this whole "no fighting in front of the kids" rule..which is BS...I think its ok to discuss sh!t in front of the kids as long as its an adult fight, no name calling or low blows...he disagrees....so he walks away and makes me more mad.
Yes..your DH should pick up after himself...but nagging and nit picking will not help the situation....coming from the other side....
Seriously, Jodi?
Do you expect your kids to keep their toys picked up or is it just a free for all/mess everywhere?
Of course, everyone has annoyances with their spouse, but I would put picking up after yourself as something that an adult just needs to do, unless they want to live in a sty (which in a marriage, both parties would need to agree to). It's not something you just get over and move on b/c you surely do something that annoys the slob. It's called being an adult and not a petulant teenager.
there are plenty of things I ignore - there are plenty of things MH ignores. But I'm not going to ignore tripping over his sh*t b/c he's too lazy to put it up.
DH's dress shirt has been sitting on our stair railing for... oh... two weeks now? It won't move until he wants to wear it again or I finally put it in the wash.
I take care of the laundry 99% of the time, so I usually just grab everything that's been sitting around the house then and wash it all.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
I see what you are saying ecl---but what do you do about it? Do you leave it? Do you complain? are you passive aggressive? Or do you just pick it up yourself? or other???
I think the point is that nagging about it (like Jodi and my DH's do to US) is not fruitful for changing the behavior...I think that's all Jodi is saying.
We were just arguing over this! And his precious ties. The kids should not touch them. Well, then don't leave them on the couch! AHHH!
DandR and Jodi-
Would anything get you to change your behavior? I have tried sitting down with him and explaining in a nice way why it bothers me. It doesn't help.
It depends on my mood. Sometimes I pick it up. Sometimes I tell him I'm going to murder him if I trip over his shoes one more time.
I forget what actually worked with him divesting himself of his polo shirt in my family room every day, but he did finally stop doing that.
My one favorite attack was to leave random sh*t in his way for awhile. It didn't work though; the house just got messier. He didn't even notice! ha!
I'm not really a nagger, quite honestly. I'm more likely to say something snarky to him about being a lazy slob.
I sort-of agree with Jodi and DandR, but it depends. If he's leaving his crap where I'm tripping over it, that's a problem. He's gotten pretty good about only disrobing in his office and leaving his stuff all over there, which doesn't bother me so much. Well, it bothers me, but not enough to pester him about. It's his office. I don't generally spend any time in there. So it's fine if he leaves his pants on the floor and his socks under the desk.
IMO it's about common courtesy at that point. E, what you're talking about would drive me up the wall. As long as my DH undresses within shooting distance of the hamper, he puts his stuff in there. Having it right next to the hamper and right where I could trip over it would send me over the edge, I think.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
honestly--no. I think the way I do dishes on the days I'm home is fine. After lunch everything is cleaned up and put away. Just because the breakfast dishes sit in the sink for a couple of hours is NOT a big deal to me. He's only home ONE of those days. I'm home the other 4 days by myself so it does not bother him on those days. If he wants to put the kids dishes away on the day he's home, then fine. But the whole passive aggressive eye role and huffy when I just toss the dishes in the sink DRIVES.ME.NUTS!!!!
I don't leave clothes around. It does bug DH that I occasionally leave my shoes by the door...I am a take the shoes off when I walk in...but we've solved that by keeping a shoe rack by the door for all the shoes....the kids take there shoes off at the door too. DH is the only one who doesnt. And that's fine...I don't care if he doesn't take his shoes off at the door. But just because I do and he doesn't mean that he is right and I need to make sure my shoes get to the closet every single time I walk in the door.
I don't know. I guess I don't deal with a DH who leaves crap around. I deal with a DH who gives huffy's if he thinks that I've left crap around and I just don't think the things I leave messy for a bit are "huffy-worthy".....
No. Just because HE likes it a certain way does not mean it's the RIGHT way. Just because I'm not bothered by my shoes being out, for example...we have different views on how a house should be.. he likes it to look as if no one even freaking lives here. I have no issue with my shoes being out. Once I get to 3-4 pairs, it annoys ME and I pick them up. If it annoys HIM before that, he can pick them up and put them away. OR, he could ASK me to put them away. Half the time, I don't even notice them. <----and I'm guessing that is the case for most of these guys.
Totally - if it's in his space that I don't go into, I couldn't care less. But if I have to trip over it, or it's something I see 24/7 (like when he used to leave his discarded shirts in the main living room area), it's just childish - grow up and pick your crap up.
The hamper really bugs me because it's RIGHT THERE! How do you not put it in there? I just don't get it. And it's always ME dealing w/ the issue, b/c I'm the one who goes to the bathroom in the dark 5 times per night. Ugh.
Wow, no compromise at all? That must be fun. I guess I see it as I compromise on things I don't think are important and he should too. We need to find a happy medium not a my way is right, no my way is right craziness.
ETA: This is in common areas or with things he doesn't want the kids to touch. His closet, drawers, whatever are fine. I am also cool with 2 pairs of shoes out in the hall. When we get to five I get annoyed because you can't walk through.
Also---I just don't get the point of stewing over this for days on end "wonder when he'll pick it up? Is it going to be today? huh? Huh? HUH? because now we are at 4 WEEKS of it sitting there...great!!!" and getting all hot and bothered (not in a sexy way) because another day has gone by and its still sitting there. I just think that's a waste of energy. At what point does it stop being about the sh!t around the house and about your just being mad for the sake of being mad.
That's all.
Ecl---I highly doubt you are passive aggressive or naggy! Hope you didn't think I was implying that.
A serious answer for DandR and J: Normally I don't say anything at all. No eye rolling or huffy sighs. As the SAHM, I fully take on the position to clean and organize the house. But it would be helpful if MH would put his own crap away so I'm just cleaning up after myself, the two dogs and the two kids.
That day I did say something, just to see if it would make a difference. Clearly it did not.
But I would like to complain about it elsewhere, just to get it off my chest.
On the flip side, there are tons of things I do that annoy him, I'm sure, but he doesn't say much about it. He's not here much either, so that plays a role.
He's a great father and so forth, but he's a slob. He *thinks* he's super organized, but give him a room to himself (like the office when he worked from home) and it turns into a disaster in a week.
Bah.
Okay, off to change my tampon yet again. Heh.
Me with my littlest.
You know...I WOULD compromise IF there was an actual conversation about the issue. But a huffy and eye roll??? What is there to compromise with? Just because he thinks his way is better and his proof is a huffy and eye roll doesn't work.
however---if he said "you know, on the days I'm home, I'll take the kids to school if you don't mind putting the dishes in the dishwasher." I might consider it.
The shoe rack was the compromise I think. It was just sort of unspoken...he was annoyed, I said "ok lets just make it look better by the door by getting a shoe rack" and all was good.
But--huffy and eye roll? Passive aggressive BS?? I'm not changing.
I agree with you to a point. Have you ever seen the Raymond episode about the suitcase. I think Ray leaves it on the stairs after a trip and each refuses to pick it up. Hilarious!
The compromise is that I don't nit-pick him! That's my compromise. Shut the eff up about my shoes and hey, I'll throw you a bone and wont' say a word about the beer bottles, DVDs, q-tips, etc.
I think it's the whole passive aggressiveness about it that's most annoying. Just ASK and I'll do it. Again, I don't NOTICE them. How am I supposed to do something about something I don't NOTICE!?! In the day to day crap, where my freaking shoes lay is NOT important to me. Not even on my radar -- nor will it be. Because IMO, it's a freaking LAME thing to be on my radar. I'm more concerned about things like, oh, I don't know....making sure my kids are killing each other, training a new puppy, getting the bills paid, making deposits, making deliveries for my business. If I happen to leave my shoes near the living room chair after getting out of my truck for the 5th time that day, and it bothers you when you walk in the door, ask me to move them or do it yourself. But don't get all passive aggressive or sarcastic about it. That won't get you anywhere!
Jodi, this is the thing that I've come to realize about DH. Most of the things he does that annoy me he doesn't even notice. And that's what made it easier for me to let them go and just do them myself when they're bothering me.
I actually REALLY appreciate the fact that he's made a serious effort to only leave his clothes around his office so they're not in my way. And when I do get annoyed I either say something or think about all the other things he does around the house that I never think about and decide whether it's worth bringing up or not. Usually I end up deciding that it's not worth it.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
DandR - I didn't think you were saying I was PA or naggy! No worries there.
None of that is really my style. If he leaves something somewhere, he's more likely to get hit with it in the face when he walks in the door than for me to roll my eyes at him. LOL.
I'm just straight up aggressive.
It's hard to notice things when they don't bother you. Like I said in a PP, way too many things to worry about other than a shirt hanging on a stair rail. KWIM?
Honestly, as I tell Joe all the time when he gets started, if his biggest complaint in life is that I leave my shoes out in the living room, consider himself lucky!!!