Some thoughts... (long but overdue)

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Just wanted to vent. Today is a blah day. I found out that I am on track to do my FET early May, which I know is a good thing. My RE said it was up to me as to when.. I thought I'd give Acupuncture, POM juice, Baby Aspirin and Vitamin E a couple cycles to wrok their magic on my lining.

I know I should be patient and that I'm waiting a cycle or two to increase my chances of my Embies sticking...but I just am so eager for this next chance and worried at the same time. We only have 5 Embies left. I'll then have to do our second IVF. Which means we'll have to find another donor.

I am also down because I feel like I can't offer enough advise on the board. See...I was DX with Premature Ovarian Failure at a very young age. So, I've never done any stimming, IUI's, Follie checks, etc. I had to go straight to IVF using DE. Using DE is a whole seperate issue. That I always thought I'd come to terms with. However, it sneaks up on me every now and then and instead of reaching our for support, I become withdrawn. I'm trying to work on that.

It's also frusterating to see how few posts I have compared to all of you all. With time...I'll grow out of the Newbie stage I guess. If I only found out about this board year's ago, this could have been my therapy. Oh well...better late than never. I love looking at all your pics and siggs. It makes me smile and gives me encouragement. I thought about posting pics. I know at some point I may tell my friends and family about using DE. For now most just know I'm having IF issues. But, I am not sure I'd want them to see me on here and find out by recognizing my picture.

Anyone have any similar experiences, DX's, conditions, feelings, etc?

Thanks for listening.

alicb · March 2010

Sounds like you are having a rough IF day, I'm sorry, I had one yesterday and cried at pretty much everything. Commercials, songs, the news... ugh, bad day. IF sucks. Left Hug

As for posts, don't forget it's not always about giving "advice" but support. Letting people know congrats on a good fert report or saying sorry when someone gets a BFN (because we all know how much that sucks!) is just as important as advice... I feel like I hardly ever give advice. From there don't worry about being a "Newbie" or your post number.

Sounds like you have a good plan for your upcoming FET good luck!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

You are right on about advice vs. support. I find what brings me comfort in my Real Life is being supportive to others. So, as hard of a time that I may be having on rough IF days...I know that others may be having just as if not more of a challenging day. Thanks for the reminder and support Alicb!

BRSaugust20 · March 2010

I hope you don't mind the ticker but I had to respond!

Do not feel alone. There are several of us here on IF and on SAIF that have used donor eggs. I am currently pregnant due to donor eggs. Granted we tried with my own eggs first but I know all too well the emotions that come along with DE.

We have a check-in every Tuesday. Feel free to join it, just respond to the post and check back weekly (or however often you can check in)

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/32943112.aspx

The great news is that you have 5 embies! When we did our DE cycle our donor only produced 7 eggs, we transferred 2 on day 3 (one stuck) and we have one frozen. It wasn't as good of a response compared to her previous cycles but she was a young, healthy donor so it worked.

Please do not hesitate to PM me if I can answer any questions, suggest any reading material, donor egg message boards, etc.

Post a picture...even if it isn't you! Start posting more, you won't believe the support you will get here.

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Thank you so much! This message brings me a lot of comfort. I hope to take part in the check ins on Tuesdays. I have PT Conferences this week ( I teach 8th grade) but I plan to add pics and post like crazy this weekend.

Thanks again.

BRSaugust20 · March 2010

I am glad I could help a little. Keep in touch!

AimeeL85 · March 2010

I think that it's great that you took the time to write this post and open up a bit It does take time to get comfortable. I'm on the board every night for at least a couple hours but don't always post. I actually think adding a pic to your siggy is a good way to remember people, it's how I remember most people who have them.

My experience is similar to yours in that we knew a few years before we were married that we would have to go straight to IVF and that's what we did. We also knew we might have to use DS, which we ultimately did. So although I did have the experience of stimming and follie checks, I can definitely relate in that we knew we had to go straight to IVF and we also had to use a donor, but for sperm instead of eggs. We know we will never regret choosing to use a donor, but it's still something that I think is hard to come to terms with until you have your babies....at that point, from what I've heard and what I can imagine...I truly think it won't matter. You won't be able to imagine ever having any baby but that baby.

I hope that helps just a little, I'm glad you're here with us!!

Family hopes · March 2010

I'm sorry you are having a bad IF day. It's amazing how you can think you are doing ok for awhile then BAM! It hits you smack in the face again. I can certainly sympathize with not feeling like I can give much advice since I haven't done an IVF yet. But, the thing I notice is that everyone is so nice and supportive here. Since I'm new I haven't learned who everyone is yet but I'm trying to. Just remember that this is always a safe place to come with whatever feelings you have. This really is a place where everyone understands!

MrsP71506 · March 2010

Don't worry about the number of posts or thinking that you don't have a lot of info to offer! I think you have been very supportive and I appreciate it! And you definitely have info to offer. I was just going to write a post to you about your endometrial biopsy. Just curious what your's was like. I am thinking that if Thursday's beta is bad then I am going to ask about this.

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Aimee- Good point about adding a pic. to remember people. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing you and your DH's history. Reminds me of the strength that relationships like yours and mine have, even before marriage. I have had similar thoughts about once I do have a baby of my own and how I won't be able to imagine anything else. Just like you support your DH with this,my DH reminds me of how special of a relationship I will have with my little one and that I WILL be a mom.

Thanks again!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Family Hopes- You are absolutely right! Everyone on here is so nice and supportive. What a great place to be. We have a lot in common...both in Michigan, IVFers, and Newbies!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Thanks Mrs. P. I appreciate that.

My actual Endo. biopsy was not very pleasant, but worth it in the end. You may recall I posted about how the "Resident" RE attempted to perform the procedure and my cervix is very narrow and curved. My results came back normal. They test for abnormalities in your tissue. I believe it's most often used to test to see how you are truly responding to the meds./hormones. They were able to tell that I was at day 21 of my cycle through this test. They then compare that to the day of your cycle of your meds. For me, the reason for this was due to my poor lining.

I would def. bring it up to your RE. He may suggest areas to focus on depending on your specific situation.

I'll be honest...I'm thinking you won't even need to discuss this because I'm still sending T&P to you for Thursday.

Thanks again and hugs to you this week. Right Hug

whispergrrl · March 2010

I had to jump in (albeit late) on the endometrial biopsy question too. I had one 3 years ago (after not having my period for over a year, they wanted to make sure I didn't have any cancer or any other problems), and it wasn't bad at all. It wasn't pleasant, but didn't really hurt much for me. It was a couple pinches and tugs...then was done.

Also, to add to what others have already said....try not to focus on your number of posts, or that you haven't experienced what the others have. You have your own story, and your own set of issues to deal with. Share what you are comfy with, and join in the support of others...because they will certainly support you when you need it too! This board is great, and I have learned sooooo much from other ladies' experiences.

Marrisa

njohnson1972 · March 2010

Welcome!

I am doing one more IVF cycle with my eggs. If it doesn't work, I am considering DE. It is something I struggle with. I fear I may be jealous of my DH's genetic connection to the child. Luckily, there are women here I can turn to for inspiration. I know the more I come to terms with DE, the easier to will be. Plus, I hear from so many woman that the DE/genetic connection issue lessens over time. I think for me, it is currently front and center.

So, realize that you do have a lot to offer to the women here.

onedaychristinak · March 2010

Marrisa- Thanks for your support with this. I too am learning so much about IF and dealing it through this board. Wishing you GL with your current and future cycles.

BTW...your doggies are adorable!

onedaychristinak · March 2010

NJohnson- Thanks for your response. I'm hoping that you have success with your next IVF cycle. Should you have to go the DE route...It is nothing but normal to fear the genetic connection that your DH will have. However, YOU will be the one carrying the child. As a mother, that is what I hope to get me through this emotional obstacle. Some thing that has gotten me through those days that I just can't seem to shake that fear and as you said, "it's front and center." I think to myself, that should the baby have "my" hair, nose, build, etc...it's because God wanted me to have that connection with my child and knew that would help me with those insecurities of it not being a genetic similarity.

Feel free to ask me any questions or vent on this or other issues.

GL to you.

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