Sleep training advice found on my pedi's website

PhilsWife07 · March 2010

Training an infant to sleep through the night needs to start as early as 8 weeks of age. It may take some infants longer but, regardless, it may not happen unless you train your baby to put themselves to sleep at an early age. This may mean allowing your baby to cry for a few minutes until they have fallen asleep. There is no amount of time that is too long to allow your baby to cry. There is no physical or emotional harm incurred either. Once bad habits are created however, such as a dependency on being rocked to sleep or sleeping in the parent's bed, the only recourse is to place the baby/toddler in the crib at night and allow them to cry. This process is much easier to implement as a young infant than as a determined toddler so the earlier this is addressed, the better.

No wonder it didn't take long for me to start lying to my pedi about co-sleeping. Tongue Tied

AutumnBride929 · March 2010

omg ew! That is scary "advice". Our pedi told us not to hold DS for naps because otherwise he would associate sleeping with being in our arms. ETA: He told us this in the hospital.

Whatever! Your baby is carried inside of you for nine months!! Poor babies... those whose parents actually listen to such garbage.

makclair · March 2010

"There is no amount of time that is too long to allow your baby to cry. There is no physical or emotional harm incurred either"

Wow. Talk about bad advice.

PhilsWife07 · March 2010

makclair:
"There is no amount of time that is too long to allow your baby to cry. There is no physical or emotional harm incurred either"

Wow. Talk about bad advice.

It's just flat-out wrong! It makes me sad to think that there are parents out there taking this to heart.

LizB214 · March 2010

I told our pedi that I was reading NCSS and she said "a bit of crying is just fine..." We'll be lying at his 6 month appt LOL

webMistress0609 · March 2010

Wow. That's really over the top. It's no wonder moms feel wary of holding their babies too much.

cobaltblue · March 2010

WHY do so many pediatricians think they're experts on this??? Angry

jshf · March 2010

That's so sad! I wonder how many little babies are crying themselves to sleep at 8 weeks cause of your pedi! I hope more parents are ignoring his advice!

aglenn · March 2010

So, I read your post and looked out of curiosity, and I found this on my pedi's website in the "advice" section. Isn't this sad??

Sleeping with the Parents (Bed-Sharing)

Pros and Cons

In general, bed-sharing is not recommended. Although it's not harmful for your children to sleep with you, it's unnecessary and it may cause problems for you. Once begun, it's a rather hard habit to break, so consider the following before you allow your child to start sharing your bed:

Your child doesn't need to share your bed to be secure and happy. Children's fears and insecurities can be dealt with in other ways. Children turn out fine either way. In some countries, families share beds out of necessity, but most children in our country sleep happily in their own beds.
Bed-sharing is not quality time. If your child is asleep in your bed, it is a neutral time. If your child is crying and keeping you awake, it is an aggravating time.
Several studies have shown that more than half of the children who sleep with their parents resist going to bed and awaken several times during the night. Most parents who share their beds have to lie down with their child for as long as 30 to 60 minutes to get them to sleep. Most of these parents don't get a good night's sleep and become sleep deprived. Sleeping with your child is a bad choice if you are a light sleeper and you need your sleep to work well during the day.
Bed-sharing is never a long-term solution to sleep problems. Your child will not learn to sleep well in your bed and then decide on his own to start sleeping in his own bed. With every passing month, this habit becomes harder to break. Your child can no longer sleep alone.
There is no evidence that bed-sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent.

Prevention of Bed-Sharing

During infancy, place your child in his crib when he is drowsy but still awake. He will learn to put himself to sleep at bedtime, which is a skill he will need to return to sleep after normal awakenings at night.
Make nighttime feedings brief and boring. This is easier to do if you and your child aren't sharing a bed.
Move your child into his own room by 3 or 4 months of age. Have a rule that he does not leave the crib at night and, after age 2, that he does not leave his bedroom at night except to go to the bathroom.
If you must sleep in the same room with your infant, don't allow him to see you during his normal awakenings. If he does, it is an invitation to play.
After 6 months of age, encourage a soft toy or stuffed animal as a security object. Otherwise he may select you as his security object.

Most children in our country do just fine with these guidelines.

Putting an End to Bed-Sharing

If you are sharing your bed with your child and want to stop, here are some suggestions:

Tell your child the new rule: "You are too old to sleep with me anymore. You have your bed and I have mine. Starting tonight, I want you to stay in your bed during the night."
For being a "good sleeper" who sleeps in his bedroom all night, give him a treat with breakfast.
If your child leaves his bedroom, take him back immediately. If he does it again, close his door until he's in his bed.
If your child gets into your bed during the night, order him back to his own bed using a stern voice. If he doesn't move, take him back immediately without talking to him.
If your child gets into your bed while you are asleep, take him back to his room as soon as you discover him. If he tries to leave his room again, temporarily close his door. If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some kind of signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob). Some parents simply lock their bedroom door. Remind your child that it is not polite to wake up people who are sleeping, unless it is an emergency.

Expect some crying. Young children normally cry when they don't get their way. But continue to be firm and you will win back the privacy of your bed.

PhilsWife07 · March 2010

aglenn:
There is no evidence that bed-sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent.

I'm really surprised they included this as it seems to be counter intuitive to the point they're trying to make.

aglenn:
If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some kind of signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob). Some parents simply lock their bedroom door.

This just sucks.

aglenn · March 2010

PhilsWife07:
aglenn:

There is no evidence that bed-sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent.

I'm really surprised they included this as it seems to be counter intuitive to the point they're trying to make.

aglenn:
If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some kind of signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob). Some parents simply lock their bedroom door.

This just sucks.

ITA! Sorry for hijacking your post, but I was just shocked to find that. I knew my pedi wasn't exactly AP, but wow.

AutumnBride929 · March 2010

::runs to check pedi's website::

Another Jennifer · March 2010

Wretch. What irritates me most is that the pedi puts this out there like it's medical advice. It really burns me up when a pedi assumes that something that should be a parenting decision, like where your child sleeps, and turns it into something medical.

Even though we don't discuss parenting issues with our pedi, if I knew that he put something like this on his website, I think I'd find another doctor.

Jen&Joe06 · March 2010

My pedi doesn't even ask me about our sleep situation. Thankfully.

blueyez09 · March 2010

Jen&Joe06:
My pedi doesn't even ask me about our sleep situation. Thankfully.

THIS!

habsoilers · March 2010

That is absolutely infuriating. I can't believe that a pedi would dole out "advice" like that under the guise of medical advice. What makes me sad is that some pedis are so judgemental on this issue that people feel like they have to lie.

DD hasn't seen her doctor in since her 12 month appt. Here the majority of the well baby visits/immunizations are taken care of by public health nurses and the ones we've had have been awesome. They keep telling me that if it's working for us, then we should keep snuggling at night as we like.

webMistress0609 · March 2010

Another Jennifer:
Wretch. What irritates me most is that the pedi puts this out there like it's medical advice. It really burns me up when a pedi assumes that something that should be a parenting decision, like where your child sleeps, and turns it into something medical.
Even though we don't discuss parenting issues with our pedi, if I knew that he put something like this on his website, I think I'd find another doctor.

This. And I don't lie to our doctor about where Ari sleeps. If they have a differing opinion that's their prerogative. I'm there to make sure my child is healthy, & unless my parenting decisions are affecting his health or are causing the pedi to pre-judge the cause of a problem (like our last doc), then it's not up for discussion.

AzaleaM · March 2010

aglenn:
So, I read your post and looked out of curiosity, and I found this on my pedi's website in the "advice" section. Isn't this sad??

Sleeping with the Parents (Bed-Sharing)

Pros and Cons

In general, bed-sharing is not recommended. Although it's not harmful for your children to sleep with you, it's unnecessary and it may cause problems for you. Once begun, it's a rather hard habit to break, so consider the following before you allow your child to start sharing your bed:
Your child doesn't need to share your bed to be secure and happy. Children's fears and insecurities can be dealt with in other ways. Children turn out fine either way. In some countries, families share beds out of necessity, but most children in our country sleep happily in their own beds.
Bed-sharing is not quality time. If your child is asleep in your bed, it is a neutral time. If your child is crying and keeping you awake, it is an aggravating time.
Several studies have shown that more than half of the children who sleep with their parents resist going to bed and awaken several times during the night. Most parents who share their beds have to lie down with their child for as long as 30 to 60 minutes to get them to sleep. Most of these parents don't get a good night's sleep and become sleep deprived. Sleeping with your child is a bad choice if you are a light sleeper and you need your sleep to work well during the day.
Bed-sharing is never a long-term solution to sleep problems. Your child will not learn to sleep well in your bed and then decide on his own to start sleeping in his own bed. With every passing month, this habit becomes harder to break. Your child can no longer sleep alone.
There is no evidence that bed-sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent.
Prevention of Bed-Sharing

During infancy, place your child in his crib when he is drowsy but still awake. He will learn to put himself to sleep at bedtime, which is a skill he will need to return to sleep after normal awakenings at night.
Make nighttime feedings brief and boring. This is easier to do if you and your child aren't sharing a bed.
Move your child into his own room by 3 or 4 months of age. Have a rule that he does not leave the crib at night and, after age 2, that he does not leave his bedroom at night except to go to the bathroom.
If you must sleep in the same room with your infant, don't allow him to see you during his normal awakenings. If he does, it is an invitation to play.
After 6 months of age, encourage a soft toy or stuffed animal as a security object. Otherwise he may select you as his security object.
Most children in our country do just fine with these guidelines.
Putting an End to Bed-Sharing

If you are sharing your bed with your child and want to stop, here are some suggestions:
Tell your child the new rule: "You are too old to sleep with me anymore. You have your bed and I have mine. Starting tonight, I want you to stay in your bed during the night."
For being a "good sleeper" who sleeps in his bedroom all night, give him a treat with breakfast.
If your child leaves his bedroom, take him back immediately. If he does it again, close his door until he's in his bed.
If your child gets into your bed during the night, order him back to his own bed using a stern voice. If he doesn't move, take him back immediately without talking to him.
If your child gets into your bed while you are asleep, take him back to his room as soon as you discover him. If he tries to leave his room again, temporarily close his door. If you are a deep sleeper, consider using some kind of signaling device that will awaken you if your child enters your bedroom (such as a chair placed against your door or a loud bell attached to your doorknob). Some parents simply lock their bedroom door. Remind your child that it is not polite to wake up people who are sleeping, unless it is an emergency.
Expect some crying. Young children normally cry when they don't get their way. But continue to be firm and you will win back the privacy of your bed.

I am astounded that any doctor would dedicate so much space to rant against something so personal. It's not even like it's based on safety concerns (which I would also wholeheartedly dispute but for different reasons).

"Bed-sharing is not quality time. If your child is asleep in your bed, it is a neutral time."

Really? Oh, whoops, silly me. I thought we were each getting something positive from those snuggles. I thought it was some of the most special, priceless time in my life dozing in and out of sleep with my infants warmly by my side. I though that they seemed to like it quite a bit, too. If only someone had told me that I've been mistaken: It's only neutral time!

Grrr...

rainlily · March 2010

I love that "parenting" advice is being handed out like it is medical advice. I don't even know if it should be called parenting advice...because it seems like there is very little parenting involved. I especially like the line about locking your door and telling your child that it is rude to wake someone when they are sleeping.

Posts like this make me appreciate our pedi! She doesn't agree with bedsharing, but she hasn't mentioned it since the 1 month visit. She never discusses parenting issues, just sticks to the medical issues.

jen_and_tom · March 2010

AzaleaM:

I am astounded that any doctor would dedicate so much space to rant against something so personal. It's not even like it's based on safety concerns (which I would also wholeheartedly dispute but for different reasons).
"Bed-sharing is not quality time. If your child is asleep in your bed, it is a neutral time."
Really? Oh, whoops, silly me. I thought we were each getting something positive from those snuggles. I thought it was some of the most special, priceless time in my life dozing in and out of sleep with my infants warmly by my side. I though that they seemed to like it quite a bit, too. If only someone had told me that I've been mistaken: It's only neutral time!

Grrr...

This. And if sleeping with another person is not quality time why do married people sleep together?!?

aglenn · March 2010

In all fairness, my pedi doesn't ask where DD sleeps (although she will ask how often she is waking at night). I take a don't-ask-don't-tell approach to the issue, so I'm not sure what she'd say if she knew we bedshare, but am guessing she'd not think it was the best idea. It's a huge pediatric practice and the website has gobs of information on it. This particular section is cited as "Written by B.D. Schmitt, M.D., author of "Your Child's Health," Bantam Books. "

I particularly like these two gems of wisdom:

If you must sleep in the same room with your infant, don't allow him to see you during his normal awakenings. If he does, it is an invitation to play. After 6 months of age, encourage a soft toy or stuffed animal as a security object. Otherwise he may select you as his security object.

Heaven forbid my DD know I'm around and/or think of ME as a security object! Oh, the horror!

taliaheartchris · March 2010

our pedi wanted ds out of our room by 4 weeks! what the heck. and here i sit, holding him for his afternoon nap, while I type one handed. Big Smile

MamiJam · March 2010

There are so many things wrong with this... I truly feel bad for the babies whose parents don't do their own research and take that pedi's recommendation to heart without thinking twice about it.

alina*marie · March 2010

That is so sad. Putting a chair against the door? That sounds safe.

Our pedi just thinks I'm crazy not to sleep train since DS has only STTN once. She said it wasn't a medical issue at all but "poor you" for having to get up at night.

Really? Cuz listening to him cry and sleep training over and over sounds way suckier than waking up and rolling over. JMO.

sunnyday016 · March 2010

cobaltblue:
WHY do so many pediatricians think they're experts on this???

I was wondering the same thing. Why do pediatricians even try to give parenting advice like this? All my pedi does is:

1. How's she eating? What is she eating?

2. Milestones check

3. Height/weight/percentiles

4. Shots

5. Great! See you in a few months.

Chrysallys · March 2010

Holy sh!te! I have no words. I'd run for the hills if that was my pedi.

nd01 · March 2010

The first visit at my pedi office, I was scheduled to see the doctor who "loves moms and newborns" (this is what they told me). While I was there, she told me to move him out of our room (he was in a pnp) because there was no need (uhm, the AAP disagrees) and suggested Ferber type training (at 1 week old). I knew to ignore the PnP advice due to the AAP six month rec but I will admit that for the first 5 days I did let my son cry for about 5 minutes before I checked on him. I really had no idea that it was parenting advice and not actually sound medical advice (I feel embarrassed to admit this now). Especially because my mom seemed to agree with the doctor. Once I did more research, I felt really sad and cheated and stopped seeing that doctor.

My doctor now asks "How does he sleep?" and I say "fine" and end of story. Much easier and no need to lie or get into a parenting discussion.

So, in short, I too am infuriated that doctors hand out advice like this without any medical justification and pass it off as if it were. I still feel guilty about it, even though I don't think it really was that significant in the overall scheme of things. My new mantra has been "Don't take medical advice from your parents and don't take parenting advice from your doctors" -- this helps on both sides of the unsolicited advice part of my life.

CinnamonBun · March 2010

Linked to my local children's hospital - "parenting is hard work" really gets me.

LINK

Angelica411 · March 2010

I switched my pedi when they repeatedly told me to cry it out and then treated me like a crazy person when he found out i was still nursing at 6 months. My new pedi is amazing and breast fed her kids till they were three!