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really struggling today

lovejonesy77lovejonesy77 member
in Postpartum Depression

Hi everyone.  I haven't posted here before, but am having a really hard day.  I have had PPD since about 3 weeks postpartum.  I am on lexapro and it has helped, for the most part.  This past weekend, things have started to get really bad.  Most of it stemming from my job.  I go back to work next Monday, so I have one more week of maternity leave.  I HATE my job.  I hated it before I went on maternity leave (lots of drama, backstabbing, the whole nine).  I thought that some time away would help, but it hasn't.  I have to go back because I am the bread winner right now (as much as my husband doesnt want to admit it) and I provide insurance.  I have been looking for a new job (which in this economy is craptastic) and havent gotten any responses to resumes.  We are running low on money (maternity leave is only 60% of my salary), so that has been causing stress and anxiety, adding pressure for me to return.  Its coming down to a return to a horrible job, but it will fix your finances type of thing.  One bad fix for another worry.  UGH!  All that to say, I am feeling the PPD creeping back up and getting worse.  I am afraid that returning to work (in those conditions) is going to push me over the edge instead of making things better.  I just want to feel normal.  I am tired of all my friends saying, "oh yeah, postpartum depression sucks.  I had it for 2 weeks, phew I am glad that went away."   To me, if it went away in 2 weeks, it wasn't PPD. 

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent.  Has anyone returned to work and felt better?  I am hoping that maybe things have gotten better at my work (fingers crossed) and going back will help me achieve some type of normalcy. 

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Re: really struggling today

  • Gina418Gina418 member
    I felt like you right before I went back to work too - I was paralyzed! I had so many fears and anxieties. But, to my surprise, it went smoother than I thought it would. That being said, I didn't have the hate for my job that you seem to have for yours. Hopefully things have changed a little since you've been gone. If not, keep plugging away with the job search and hopefully you'll be out of there soon.
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  • skittles_123skittles_123 member

    Hey there. I am on this board today because I am suffering more of PTSD versus PPD, since my ds was dx with autism last year. I too am on lexapro, which has helped a lot. Before I conceived my ds, my goal was to find a new job. I hated my job. But, the market was just terrible, so we went ahead on with ttc and got pregnant right away and stayed with my employer at the time. As soon as I went on maternity leave, my job hunt started again. I ended up returning to my job that I hated too, terrible hours, but ended up landing another job 3 months after I returned to work when my ds was 6 months old. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    When I did return to the job I hated at the end of my maternity leave, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it would be. I was there for my ds. I was working for him and no one else. I kept that in the back of my mind always. And, I always dreamed of the day I would get a call with a job offer, as I knew I would get one SOMEDAY. That kept me going.

    Right now, I am now a mom to two kids and working. I am a career counselor at a local university. If you need any help with anything, just pm me. I can help with your resume, job search, etc, no charge. Good luck. Hope things get better for you. Lots of (((hugs)).

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