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High-Risk Pregnancy
BR mamas - Maintaining intimacy?
So I've been on BR for 4 weeks due to my stubborn cervix and in this time sex with the DH has been forbidden. It makes me sad because these are the final days of it just being the two of us before baby makes 3. I know once our LO is here it won't be any easier to be close or intimate. So how are you other BR ladies handling this? Any tips or advice to staying close with the DH without breaking the rules?
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Re: BR mamas - Maintaining intimacy?
I'll be really honest here Mama...I asked my DH yesterday how long it had been since we'd had sex because I couldn't remember. He said, "huh, maybe a month or two?" It's been at least two months since either of us have even thought of it. We still make a point to hug and cuddle a lot and every night before we go to sleep he talks to Livy for 10min. We talk soooo much about every subject we can! That seems to keep us very close and intimate, although not in the way you mean!
There just isn't a lot that's sexy about some pregnancy's. Yesterday, I was in the bathroom trying to poop (which I haven't done in days because of my back) and my feet were freezing. So Troy had to bring me socks and put them on for me because I can't bend over. He's down there and looks up and says "I'm putting your socks on for you while you're trying to poop, there really isn't anything sexy about pregnancy, is there?". And he's right.
I don't know if this helps at all, except to reassure you that I've been on br for 20wks now and I still feel that we have an intimate connection even though there is no sex or anything near sexy time. I don't feel that we've pulled farther apart, but closer together. Good Luck!
I hear ya sista! My doula was talking about ways to get labor going (for the future) and mentioned sex. I realized that after she said it, I was wrinkling my nose. How bad is that? The idea of sex right now is about as appealing as eating slugs....
I'm hoping that at some point DH and I have sex again....wonder how long it will take or if we'll remember what to do?!
We also haven't had sex since I was about 21 weeks (so 12 weeks ago). That is far and away the longest we've gone, although this whole pregnancy and IVF process put a lot of restrictions on us, so our sex life hasn't been normal since July of last year!
Anyway, we do stuff like cuddle in bed, a couple of times I have "lent a hand," but our intimacy has definitely dropped off. I am scared that we'll never have sex again, once the babies are here I can't imagine I'll be interested then, either.
Sorry I don't have any great advice...
Thanks for the laugh Becca!! I needed it today! I haven't "lent a hand" or done anything for poor Troy. He told me he's learned to block all urges and not think about it at all. Yikes!!
Ok ladies, as a BR mama who is on #3 and who like you normally has a great sex life with my hubby, let me give you some hope. With the 1st 2, I was only on modified BR for a few weeks a piece so it really didn't affect us too much (we even had sexy time the night before each of our DDs were born!) This time around, definitely has been more of a challenge (complete BR from 17w-24w.....modified until 33w). I can tell you that the things that you are doing are right.....communication is key. After we got past 24w and I was officially on "modified", I would honestly "service him" at times which he seemed to REALLY appreciate. We also have done date nights as much as possible, even if it is at home (nothing like take-out and a movie on the couch while cuddling). We have also rediscovered the joys of just "making out". It honestly added passion to our relationship. Since we have been actually "allowed" to have sexy time again, it has been awesome (even with the big belly!)
I also promise that there is great sex after baby (note: we are about to be 3 under 5 and that was not planned!). After each LO was born we were aching to be with each other the minute I was cleared. It doesn't happen as often, but sometimes quality is better than quantity. We just made a conscious choice to make time for each other, no matter what. Our philosophy is that a happy mommy and daddy make for a happy family! Just hang in there and know that it is a "short term" thing.
Lol! Love it! I haven't helped out DH either but have been thinking of ways to do so. I guess I'll have to learn to be generous!
glad to hear i am not the only one struggling with this! we haven't had sex since october!
i was on pelvic rest for the 1st tri due to sch and an ovarian cyst. and then as soon as they determined the cyst wasn't an issue i was put on bed rest 2 days later.
i used to be better about helping mh out but we both have just gotten so complacent lately. but we do still talk and cuddle a lot so while we aren't intimate in the way we used to be i still feel there is a decent level of intimacy.
I have been on bed rest for a month now. So it's been a little over a month since DH and I have had sex. Yes, I have helped him out in the servicing area with a nice massage down there twice a week.
I also think that this time has helped us communicate more and appreciate eachother without the sex thing. I do miss it though and I know he does too.
We cuddle every night and we try to do a date night with take-out and a movie or play games once a week.
I never asked my doctor if we could have sex though. We just assumed since I was strict bed rest for High BP and we didn't want my blood pressure to get higher or cause pre-e. Maybe I should ask now.
We just had this talk last night! DH kids that he's not sure if it even works anymore. We haven't tested the theory since October.
He actually said "I think we'll have more sex than ever before when the boys are here." Not so sure about that!
It's his birthday today and I wish I could give him some sort of satisfaction but we were told absolutely "no act that is stimulating or arousing." I don't really think I can help him out with out getting turned on...
By the time we are cleared for sex again it will be nearly a year! It'll be like the first time all over again!